


One Thing in Common

by SosaLola



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Baby Spike, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-07-26 12:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7574203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SosaLola/pseuds/SosaLola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before the battle with The First something happens that causes Xander to head out to L.A. to give Angel something for safe keeping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Important** the last episode of BtVS S7 and S3 of AtS had turned out differently in this story. Connor never got to throw Angel in the ocean because Cordelia never got ascended and stopped him therefore all S4 will never happen… Um Angel and Wesley made up and Lilah never died … Angel never became CEO of W&H instead he closed the place down (how? Well, we dunno, he just did! *g*)…

  
The desert was vast scorched by the heated sun, which rays made the sweat stream down Xander's face, causing him to wipe his hand across it with frustration. He should have been back in Sunnydale for the big fight, not driving towards freaking LA. All his friends were there risking their lives to defeat the First while he was away because of _Spike_.  
  
This whole mess was Willow's fault. She was supposed to practice doing that spell to give all the potential slayers around the world their slayer powers and in turn, the slayers already training with Buffy would fight against the First. Not surprisingly however, it backfired and turned Spike into a one year old toddler, a presumably _human_ one year old toddler. Giles couldn't find a logical explanation as to why it was Spike who was affected. He said that it would require a very long research session to find how that happened and a way to switch Spike back. Unfortunately, they had no time for either of them.  
  
So, Buffy had decided to send the mini Spike to Angel for safe keeping. She chose Xander for this mission given that he was the one eyed, less useful member of the group. Okay, she didn't use those words, but he could still see it in her eyes, even after she'd said all that bullshit about how she'd trusted no one but him to do it.  
  
He sighed, resisting the urge to bang his head against the wheel. After coming to terms with who he was and what he was capable of, he'd gone and lost his eye, breaking all the confidence he'd built over the years down. He couldn’t shake the fact that he was the least contributing member in the group, and it hurt to think that Buffy had assigned him for the role of baby-delivery boy because of that.  
  
They'd had Spike wear one of Dawn's small blouses when she'd been little which were still several sizes bigger than the child's tiny form. The blouse they picked was designed for a three year old, but it was the smallest one they could find. Buffy had given Xander a bag to put what he thought was needed from the things in the Summers' basement. Fuming, he had thrown all the baby clothes and playthings without a second look along with Spike's old clothes way in the bottom of the duffle thinking he might change back while he was in LA. He thought that Angel would appreciate having something to cover a grown Spike with whenever that happened.  
  
On his way, he'd made a stop at the abandoned mall, and picked up some diapers, baby food and, of course, the Xander's obligatory road trip junk food.  
  
Xander looked down at the sleeping baby on his lap, knowing if ever there were traffic police on the road from Sunny D to L.A. they wouldn't approve, but he couldn't find a baby car seat in that abandoned mall. And seatbelts couldn't hold a small baby in place, could they?  
  
He glanced at sleeping Spike closely; he didn't look like Spike at all. His formerly gelled white hair had turned into soft dark honey curls and the purple blouse was _not_ something the Big Bad would wear.  
  
The child stirred a bit, and Xander knew he was about to wake up. He realized it was the first time Spike had woken since the 'miniature-ing' incident. Huge blue eyes stared up at him and small hands that just appeared from the too longer sleeves clutched on the hem of his shirt.  
  
Xander forced a smile. "Hey, uh, how was the nap?"  
  
Spike's lower lip stuck out, trembling for a few seconds before he burst into tears. Xander's eye widened in confusion, and he pulled the car over to the side of the road. He held the weeping toddler and rocked him gently back and forth trying to quiet him.  
  
"No, no, no. Crying is bad." Much to Xander's dismay the baby would not stop.  
  
"Hey, look at me. It's okay, look at me." Xander waved his hands then caught himself in the review mirror. He looked like a dangerous murderer with that eye patch and the stubble. "Or better yet, don't look at me."  
  
Spike screamed as he started to turn red.  
  
Xander began to panic, "Oh God, what to do? Why me? What to do? Ooh, singing, babies love the singing." He flung the baby to his shoulder and started patting him. "Um … hush little baby, don't say a word. Xander's gonna buy you a … uh what's the next word?"  
  
Spike was still crying and Xander frantically began to pat him again.  
  
_Say anything, anything! Just make it stop!_  
  
"Aah, hush little baby don’t say a word. Xander's gonna take you to Broody and Cord." Spike screamed louder and Xander patted him hysterically. "Shouldn't have said Cordy, moron. Who wouldn't freak out?"  
  
Xander pulled Spike back and looked at him miserably. "What do you want me to do, huh? Are you hungry? Do you need changing? Oh please say no."  
  
Since Xander brought the baby to his face so he could easily address him, Spike seemed to find something interesting on it. He slowly raised his tiny chubby hand then suddenly snatched the eye patch and let it go causing a loud smack on Xander's face. Xander cried out in pain in turn Spike giggled.  
  
Xander looked at him angrily and couldn't help but yell, "You idiot!"  
  
Spike's eyes widened with alarm and his lower lip started trembling yet again, followed by a high volume bellow.  
  
Xander whimpered. "Not again." He looked tiredly at the crying baby before taking his eye patch off with a sigh. "All right, you want it, take it!" He handed it to Spike who took it happily and started chewing on the black patch. Xander grimaced when he noticed the drool dripping all over it.  
  
Spike was gnawing on the eye patch, his big blue eyes gazing up at Xander, unblinking. Xander sighed in defeat and patted the honey curls. Spike's eyes were locked on Xander's injured one; he refrained from biting to raise a small hand and touched the damaged eye with the tips of his fingers. He made a depressing sound as if recognizing that Xander was hurt.  
  
Xander didn't move or flinch as Spike laid his small hand on the damaged area. He smiled softly and held the small hand with his big one. "Yeah, it's a big booboo. You know you're the first one to see it without the eye patch with the exception of the doc." Spike whined unhappily and Xander looked at himself in the car mirror. "Yeah, I don't like to look at it bare myself."  
  
"Booboo!" Spike exclaimed touching Xander's eye.  
  
Xander grinned down at him then held him, each hand holding an armpit. "Hey, you wanna fly, kid?" He started lifting Spike up and let him drop to catch him again. "Up, down! Up, down!" He carefully made sure he wouldn’t hit the car's top.  
  
Spike giggled joyfully and let go of the eye patch. Eventually, Xander sat him on his lap and took his eye patch, placing it again to cover his left eye. He made a face when he felt the drool.  
  
_Ew kiddy slobber!_ Xander thought as he wiped it on the hem of his shirt before replacing it.  
  
"Booboo!" Spike exclaimed again, pointing at the covered section of his face.  
  
Smiling, Xander pointed his finger at it and shook his head. "No Booboo."  
  
The baby shook his head in agreement and whispered in wonder, "No Booboo."  
  
"Wanna eat?" Xander grabbed a baby bottle, scooped one measure of dried milk and filled it with warm water from a thermos he had brought with him just in case. Good thing they had the directions on the formula container. Spike played with his shirt button as Xander shook the bottle, causing the formula to mix.  
  
Once Spike was fed, he seemed to tire out quickly and fell into sleep on Xander's lap. That was when Xander started the car back up again.  
  
They stopped one more time when was when Spike woke up crying because he needed to be changed. Xander took a diaper from the bag and started changing him.  
  
Xander couldn't picture the look on Spike's face when he'd tell him about changing his diaper. He could imagine Soulless Spike's reaction, but Souled Spike had lost interest in biting the bait. In the past few months, they hadn't spoken a word to each other much less fought. They'd grown indifferent about each other.  
  
He finished changing the diaper on the hood and flinched as he seemingly nonchalantly threw the used one off the side of the road. He then got back in the driver seat and started up the engine.  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
The one thing that made the trip worthwhile was the look on Angel's face the moment he saw one-year-old Spike.  
  
Xander snickered. "I guess L.A. gave you other facial expressions."  
  
Angel pointed at the baby with alarm. "Th … this is Spike?"  
  
Xander frowned. "Buffy didn't tell you?" He got a confused look from Angel. "She was supposed to call you and ‘warn you’ about us coming over."  
  
"She didn't tell me a thing," Angel spoke, looking slightly hurt.  
  
Xander scoffed. "We're at war, of course she forgot." His mind caught hold of something, "Hey, then how did you know that I was coming? You acted like you were expecting me."  
  
"Vampire senses. I assumed that Buffy sent you for more supplies or something."  
  
"Still, doesn't explain how you knew the little guy is Spike."  
  
"Vampire senses. Again." Angel approached Xander and stared at Spike narrowly. "How did he get like this?"  
  
Xander shrugged. "Willow, a magic-mistake, same old, same old." He looked down at Spike, who was chewing his collar as he held him to his shoulder. "Hey, kid, look. This is Angel; he's like your grandpa or something, look."  
  
Spike left Xander's collar and looked at Angel, who blinked at him with disbelief. Spike gazed fearfully at him and quickly hid his face in Xander's shoulder, clutching his shirt tightly. Xander smirked as he looked up at Angel. "It looks like he doesn't like you."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"No wonder he doesn't." Xander let out an amused laugh. "He's not Spike anymore. He's just a baby. Treat him like one."  
  
"What?" Angel asked, annoyed. The shock of Spike turning into an infant still didn't register in his head apparently.  
  
"First," Xander said in a tone spoken to a child. "You reach out your hands for the baby. Then, you smile. Then…"  
  
"I know how to hold a baby," Angel barked at him. He held his hands to Spike. "Come here, kiddo, come with me."  
  
Spike whimpered and grasped more into Xander who snickered. "He likes me more."  
  
"He's not used to me yet, that's all." Angel took the bag and gestured to the stairs. "Come on, I have an empty room for him. You can leave once we settle him in."  
  
Xander followed him. "How did you figure that out?" he asked while murmuring comforting words to the frightened baby.  
  
"Obviously, Buffy wanted Spike out of the harm's way while he's in this condition. So she sent you to give him to me 'til the fight is over and then she'll come and I'll hand him back."  
  
Xander raised his eyebrows. "Right on the spot."  
  
"It doesn't take a genius. You just said Willow's magic was the cause. She's gonna find a way to reverse the spell and Spike will go back to his normal annoying self. And of course, Buffy will want him back. She seemed to like him pretty much last I saw her," he said irritably, remembering his last conversation with Buffy in Sunnydale.  
  
"Well, we're not really sure that it was Willow's spell that done this." At Angel's look he continued, "I told you we're in a war; we have no time to think straight."  
  
Angel's eyes narrowed at his eye patch, seemed to just notice it. "What happened to your eye?"  
  
"A psycho preacher poked his finger into it. Buffy killed him though with some neat scythe."  
  
“Yeah I was there,” Angel said. He looked sympathetically at Xander. "I'm …"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, where did you say his room was?" Xander spoke swiftly trying to change the subject. Angel got the message and took the bag he dropped heading to Connor's old room.  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
This was the last thing Angel needed right now. He'd been through hell in the last couple of years. And to think that deal he'd made with Lilah was the last straw. He'd promised not to kill her if she, and her resources at Wolfram and Hart, erased everyone’s memory of his son and the events that occurred because of his birth. He excluded his friends since Cordelia caught him making that deal and threatened to read him all the editions she had of Cosmo. Connor was given the normal human life he deserved.  
  
With that being done and with the rest of the gang’s help, they closed the evil law firm. There in one of the safes, Wesley had found a pendant that he said would help Buffy on the final battle with the First and in closing the Hellmouth; however it could only be worn by a champion. Thus, Angel had gone to Sunnydale in hope of being Buffy’s savior only to be rejected in favors of Spike.  
  
_Now_ Angel was expected to welcome Spike –as a child- with open arms. Hadn't he suffered enough?  
  
Angel opened the door to Connor's old baby room, and a sad smile curled up into his lips. He had redone the room after the fire. The crib lacked its comforter that was thrown to the other side of the room. Angel put the bag down and went to arrange the crib.  
  
Xander walked in after him with Spike in his arms. "Why do you have a baby crib?"  
  
Angel shrugged, placing the blankets on the small bed. "Long story." After he finished fixing the crib, he looked at Xander. "Now put him down."  
  
Xander lowered Spike into the crib but the baby protested and whimpered looking at Angel fearfully. "It's all right. I'm right here with you."  
  
Spike was rested on his back on the sheets and blinked his big blue eyes up at the two grown ups. It didn't take too long until the edge of the blanket became his new chew-toy.  
  
Angel raised an eyebrow at the purple blouse Spike was wearing. "This blouse is way bigger than him."  
  
"Uh … they didn't have any baby clothes at the Summers' residence. This was one of Dawn's."  
  
"I have some baby clothes but I think they're too small."  
  
Xander frowned. "Why do you have baby clothes?" Angel gave him a look, causing him to laugh nervously, "Right, none of my business." He looked down at his watch, which he started to wear on his right hand so he could see it better. "Look at the time. I gotta go now, nice to see you again!" He turned to leave.  
  
"Wait!"  
  
Xander turned back to Angel, who looked down worriedly at the baby. "Are you gonna leave me alone with him?"  
  
Xander blinked, confused. "Angel, he's a little baby, he's not gonna bite… well, he could bite you but it won't kill."  
  
"I know that," Angel said, annoyed. "But he doesn't like me. Do you think it's wise to leave him here alone with me?"  
  
"Why don't you try talking to him?"  
  
Angel looked at Spike doubtfully. "What should I say?"  
  
"Anything. And use baby talk, it worked well with me."  
  
Angel looked at Xander, horrified. "I use baby talk on _Spike_?"  
  
"Weird, right? But… don't think of him as Spike. Think of him as some baby you found outside your door in a basket."  
  
Angel rubbed his temple and leaned closer to Spike, smiling. "Tomorrow we're going to buy clothes that fit, all right, kiddo?"  
  
Spike backed away from him fearfully, and Angel sighed disappointedly.  
  
Xander shook his head. "Why don't you let Cordy or Wesley take care of him 'til he gets used to you?" He looked around. "By the way, where is everyone?"  
  
"We've been through a lot this year so I gave them the week off. Fred might be back here tonight."  
  
"Okay, let this Fred guy take care of him then."  
  
" _She_ ‘might’ come here tonight, I don't know." He looked resignedly at Xander. "Couldn't you stay here tonight?"  
  
"I can't. I have to get back there and fight with my friends."  
  
"C'mon, they can handle themselves without you."  
  
Xander winced. "Gee thanks," he said sarcastically.  
  
Angel approached him, putting a hand on his shoulder. Xander brushed it off in anger and Angel sighed. "Listen, I'm sorry, it's just I need your help here."  
  
"I don't care. Believe it or not my friends do need my help in Sunnydale. I gotta go." He was at the door when Spike noticed him leaving. He began to cry, getting louder and louder as he reached his hands up to Xander.  
  
Angel turned at Xander. "See? He wants you here."  
  
Xander looked at Spike, who started screaming with his hands in the air, wanting Xander to hold him. Spike's tears fell over his reddened cheeks, holding his hands up for Xander to pick him.  
  
Xander shook his head. "I'm sorry. I’ve got to go. They need me," he whispered heading outside until…  
  
"Dada!"  
  
Xander froze in his place turning his face slowly towards the baby. Spike reached his hands desperately for him. "Dada! Dada!" He cried out.  
  
Angel raised eyebrow, incredulous. "He thinks you're his father?"  
  
"It's 'cause I was the first face he saw. I guess," Xander said the first suitable explanation that came to his mind and walked towards the crying baby. He picked him up, kissing his face all over not knowing why but feeling it was the right thing to do. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he spoke softly, rocking him gently. Spike slowly began to calm down; touching Xander's eye patch making sure it was him.  
  
Angel wearily approached Xander, wearing a soft smile. "So, you're staying?"  
  
Xander looked up at Angel then down at the sniffling baby. "I think I should." He looked back up at Angel. "But what about my friends?"  
  
"Do you have a cell phone?"  
  
Xander nodded.  
  
"Then call them and explain it to them."  
  
Xander reached for his cell phone in his pocket, he dialed the Summers' phone number and Angel heard Buffy answering the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Buffy, it's Xander. Uh, look, I got Spike to Angel but it seems that I'm the only one who Spike feels safe with and …"  
  
"Hey, it's all right. You could stay in L.A. helping Angel out with Spike."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Absolutely, we're handling ourselves just fine. You should stay there."  
  
"If you say so…"  
  
"Yeah, you better stay there, Xander." There was a slight pause. "For Spike, you know."  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
"Hey, I should go. Well then, take care."  
  
"Bye, Buffy."  
  
Xander closed his cell phone and stared at it pensively. Angel pursed his lips and looked away, unsure what to say or do in the awkward silence.  
  
Xander raised a false-happy eye with the biggest grin Angel ever saw. "Hey, laugh it up, Mr. Desperate. The Xan-man is staying. You’re off the hook." He looked down at a sniffing Spike. "I think we better feed him." He said and hurried to grab the bottle and the formula. Angel helped Xander into the kitchen.  
  
After they fed Spike, Xander got some of Dawn's old stuffed animals and gave them to the baby, who started merrily playing in his crib throwing them around and making conversation with the inanimate animals. They watched him playing, occasionally glancing at the other in hopes of catching a fond smile on the other's lips. No reason to miss a mocking opportunity.  
  
Angel noticed Xander getting uncomfortable before he stood up, heading outside.  
  
"Where are you going?" Angel called after him.  
  
"My eye’s beginning to itch and I left the drops and cream in the car. I'll be right back!"  
  
Noticing Xander leaving, Spike began to cry again. Xander came back with a sigh. "I'm not leaving," he said, bored. "I'll just go get something out of the car and come back."  
  
Angel snorted. "Yeah, like he'll understand that."  
  
Xander glared at him. "Well, do you have a way to make him un-fear you?"  
  
Angel looked at Spike, thinking, before picking him up with difficulty since Spike kept reaching frightfully for Xander. Angel turned Spike's face towards him and when he felt the blue eyes look at him, he changed into his vampire face.  
  
Xander panicked. "Are you crazy?" But then he noticed Spike calming down and reaching with his small fingers to touch Angel's fangs.  
  
Xander stared at them, eyes wide. "Whoa! He really _is_ Spike. Looking at unpleasant sights calms him down."  
  
"I figured it could work on him too. Guess I was right." Angel said, still looking at the baby who ran his fingers over his ridges.  
  
Xander narrowed his eyes at him, "Too?"  
  
Angel ignored him and smiled down at Spike. All of this brought back memories of Connor, when he himself calmed down for the first time after his birth at the sight of his father's true face. He brushed the sad memories away and focused all his attention on Spike, who was beginning to drift off.  
  
He turned to the amazed Xander. "Why don't you go and get your stuff?"  
  
Xander nodded, speechless, and headed outside, as Angel placed the now sleeping Spike in his crib. He sat on the edge of the bed, staring at him, and… smiling, a little.  
  
When he heard Xander coming back, the corners of his lips went upside down.  
  
"So back to the sulk, I see. Finally a look I’m familiar with," Xander said cheerfully.  
  
Angel glared at him, putting a finger to his mouth. Xander noticed Spike sleeping and nodded understandingly. Angel stood up and walked toward him. "I think it's better if you slept in the room with him. He'd probably be more comfortable with you and would relax if he saw you with him if… _when_ he wakes up in the middle of night."  
  
Xander's brows furrowed. "You're just dumping him on me so he won't disturb your precious vamp beauty sleep."  
  
Angel smiled. "That's the plan." He walked outside but stopped when he heard Xander hissing his name and turned.  
  
Xander grinned widely. “Have any PJs? The only clothes I have are the ones I'm wearing. Didn't expect a sleepover."  
  
Angel nodded. "No, but I'll bring you some sweats."  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
Xander ran his eye over the room and his gaze stopped at the sleeping Spike. He sighed and sat in the same spot Angel had been sitting on and stared at _the baby_. Now that was a better thought. His fingers twitched, about to reach for the soft golden curls that somehow had a glow in the darkness of the calmly lit room.  
  
He didn't notice Angel in the doorway, holding some clothes.  
  
"Now that's a cute picture."  
  
Xander groaned at Angel's smirk. "At least I have feelings."  
  
"You mean toward Spike?"  
  
" _No_ , towards the baby." He focused his gaze on Angel. "He's not Spike, you know."  
  
He ignored the frown that spread on Angel's face and instinctively went back to stroke the baby's hair. His hand recoiled and he cursed softly. "Damn it!"  
  
Angel snickered quietly. 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

 

 

  
It was late at night when Fred walked into the hotel, waving goodbye to Wesley. She yawned, feeling exhausted and sleepy. She and Wesley had only arrived at LAX from the Dallas Airport a couple of hours ago. As she locked the door, she was thankful that she and Wesley had gotten together after Angel left for Sunnydale soon after the downfall of Wolfram and Hart. She remembered how ecstatic she had been when he agreed to pay a visit to her parents.  
  
She smiled at the reminiscence of Wesley asking her to spend the night at his apartment, but she had declined saying that she had promised Angel she would return to the hotel as soon as she came back. She couldn't leave her friend all alone in the Hyperion for another night when all their friends were away on a short vacation after a great victory. Angel had called each of them after his return and gave them specific orders for each of them to go to their homes upon their return from their separate retreats as the Slayer had chosen them as a second front if she and hers couldn't stop this apocalypse. However, Fred would not bother herself with that now as she was still on cloud nine as far as she was concerned.  
  
Fred couldn't help but wander dreamily through the halls heading to her room, thinking about the time she and Wesley had with her parents in Texas. Suddenly, interrupting her happy thoughts, she heard wailing and stopped her tracks with a frown.  
  
The only baby crying she had ever heard in this hotel was Connor. _Could it be a Connor baby bawl?_ She thought before her eyes widened. _Connor's back! But, wait, he's like nineteen or something, he won't cry especially all baby-like. Oh my, maybe… maybe I went back in time, through some kind of time portal. And… and I can… it's my chance to help and clear things so Wesley won't steal Connor and Connor would still be his cute self again and Angel wouldn't have to make everyone forget… well, except he didn't make us forget which was so nice of him. And Angel and Wesley won't have to have that fight and would still be together… but not in that kind of way… 'cause Wes and I are together in that kind of way._   
  
She giggled happily before she heard the crying again.  
  
 _Oh, baby!_  
  
She ran excitedly to Connor's room and found his door slightly open. She peered quietly inside and noticed someone in there with Connor. Must be Past Angel. She didn't want to annoy Angel while he was feeding his son, so she didn't make any sound. Angel was giving her his back and singing softly to Connor, who she couldn't see because of the broad back that obscured her vision. She smiled warmly, remembering the old times when she used to watch Angel sing to Connor and rock him gently to sleep. Although there was something odd about this version of 'Past Angel' she was observing.  
  
This Angel had darker and somewhat longer hair that was _not_ sticking up. And his singing voice was not the same as the Angel she used to know. This Angel turned a little and his face was _nothing_ like Angel's.  
  
Her eyes widened with horror as her tired mind registered something important. _That's not Angel!_ She thought as she gazed fearfully at the scary eye patch. _Oh my God. There's a pirate who's stealing Connor while singing him a lullaby. Maybe that's how Connor gets stolen in this reality._ She backed away fearfully trying to think of a way to save Connor. All of a sudden, she found herself running to Angel's room so he could save Connor from the evil baby pilfering pirate.   
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
  
Angel was dozing peacefully until something jumped onto his bed, startling him awake. He opened his eyes and looked at Fred who was screaming something and jumping. "Fred, is that you?" he asked, blinking.  
  
"Yes, it's me. I got a new haircut, but that would be months from now. Angel, there's a pirate and we've got to stop him."  
  
Angel squeezed his eyes with his fingers tiredly, trying to comprehend what had been said with Fred's fast babble. He stiffened as he registered the word 'pirate' and looked wearily at her. "A what?"  
  
"A pirate, Angel! He's taking Connor from his room!"  
  
Angel, who just woke up and was still not fully being awake enough to understand as well as tolerate the Fred insane babble, acknowledged one thing: his son was in trouble and needed his help. Faster than a wink, he sprinted to Connor's room wearing his vampire face.  
  
He jerked Connor's door open and growled, "Stay away from my son!" All he got in return was the loud sounds of crying and an irritated Xander voice, "Angel! I just got him to sleep."  
  
Xander turned, annoyed, to Angel and then blushed fiercely trying to look elsewhere, "Whoa! Angel-man, what's with the nakedness and vampy-ness?"  
  
Fred ran after Angel, lost of breath. "Pirate!" she shouted, pointing at Xander.  
  
Xander got distracted from looking at Angel's goods. _Only for comparison reasons of course._ He raises his eyebrows at the jumpy girl.  
  
By that time, Angel was fully awake and was trying with little success to cover up.  
  
"Fred," he nodded his head at the girl.   
  
"Xander," he nodded again at the boy. "Who's not a pirate as far as I know," he explained as he addressed Fred. He nodded at the baby, who was now crying in Xander's arms. "And the child is Spike." He grinned as he was running out. "Pardon me."  
  
Xander blinked, astonished, at the now empty doorway before turning to the girl standing in front of him. "Hey," he greeted looking her over, "So… you’re Angel's new honey?"  
  
Fred looked up at him, confused. "What?"  
  
"Are you Angel's girlfriend?"  
  
Fred laughed loudly. "What? No! Why would you think that?"  
  
Xander shrugged, sitting on the edge of his bed trying hard to calm the crying baby. "Well, I assumed that you are, since you're living with him and running after him while he was in his nakedness for all to… uhem … obviously see. I just guessed it was a game you two play before the sweaty parts," he explained, smiling as Spike began to calm down.  
  
Fred couldn't find the suitable response as her mind was trying to catch up to the picture. Suddenly, she felt appalled. "What? No! I don't do that and I'm definitely not his honey. I'm another's honey… and, um, we don't do that either." She ducked her head in embarrassment.  
  
Xander was cooing to the baby who started sucking his little finger blinking his big blue eyes up at him. He exposed the baby's stomach before leaning down fast and blowing raspberries on his tummy. The baby giggled cheerfully, and Xander blew more, making him laugh and wave his little chubby hands up with joy.  
  
Fred smiled fondly at the scene and sat next to Xander, taking a seat on the bed. "So, his name is Spike? Why would anyone name their baby Spike?" She bit on her lip, glancing at Xander awkwardly. "I-I mean, such a cute, original name for a baby."  
  
Xander chuckled. "Relax. I'm not his father."  
  
Fred breathed a sigh of relief. Before she frowned. "Don't tell me it's Angel's?" she asked, horrified. Did Angel get another vampire pregnant?   
  
Xander tilted his head, looking thoughtful. "I think he's his grandpa in a twisted vampire way."   
  
Fred eyed the baby with wide eyes. _Is that Connor's kid?_  
  
"You know those vampires. Darla sired Angel, so she's like his mom, and Angel sired Drusilla, so he's like her dad, and Drusilla sired Spike, so that makes Angel his Granddaddy."   
  
Fred looked up, shocked. "You mean this baby is a vampire?"   
  
"I don't think so. This kid acts like a human kid. He used to be a vampire before my friend turned him into a baby."  
  
Fred squeezed her eyes shut, taking in all that information and finally getting the picture. She opened her eyes that focused on Xander's eye patch. She was about to ask how it was like to see with one eye, but thought against it, thinking it was rude and instead reached out to touch Spike's honey blond curls. She bent forward closer to his face. "You are the cutest little baby, aren't you?" she cooed to Spike who burbled happily.  
  
"He's SO cute!" Fred exclaimed.  
  
Xander looked wearily down at a completely waked Spike. "He is not going back to sleep, is he?" he asked pathetically.  
  
Fred looked down at Spike and took in the shiny blue eyes, no trace of sleep there. "Guess not." She turned to Xander. "So Willow turned him into a baby?"  
  
Xander shrugged. "Well, we're not sure yet." He looked puzzled at her. "You know Willow?" he asked.  
  
Fred grinned, her usual Fred-grin and nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, she came here few a months ago. She was really nice and helped us a lot. So, she's your friend?"  
  
"Best. I've known her since _we_ were in diapers, literally." He tickled the still giggling Spike. "Yeah, we were like you when I met my Willow. Yes, we were. Well maybe with less drool," he said wiping Spike's face with a napkin.  
  
Fred smiled at him. "You handle him good. You like children a lot, huh?"  
  
"I guess. Buffy's little sister liked me the most when I first met her. She was about ten then. But, in general, I never had a lot of contact with children."  
  
"But you seem to like this one very much, was he your friend when he used to be a non-infant?"  
  
Xander scoffed. "Hardly."   
  
"Hardly? You seem to like his baby version a great deal."  
  
"There was a time when I went after Spike with an axe, but the hostility cooled down with time. Especially after he'd gotten himself a soul." Xander looked at the baby who started his all time favorite chewing game with the hem of the shirt Angel had given him. "Besides, this is a human baby. Spike was a vampire."  
  
"But he had a soul," Fred said with a frown.  
  
Xander frowned at that. He'd learned to accept Spike because he trusted Buffy's judgment. If Buffy said that Spike was good, then that was the truth. And it was, as far as he had seen, Spike had done nothing wrong ever since he'd gotten that soul –not counting the murders under the First's thrall. But, and that was a big but, it was all the soul's doing, right?   
  
"Sometimes I start thinking what if Spike loses his soul?" he muttered the question so he wouldn't startle the baby in his arms. "Would he take advantage of our unawareness, drain us all and dance over our graves."   
  
Fred sighed and nodded. "True, Angel scared me so much when he lost his soul. If it weren't for Willow we would have been dead by now."  
  
Xander smiled. "Yeah, she was the one to bring his soul back when we were in high school, too."  
  
"So… this means you hate Angel, too, huh?"  
  
"I'd say, I hate what Angel is but I don't hate the actual person … um did that make sense?"  
  
Fred shook her head.  
  
"Okay, I hate the demon inside, but I don't hate the soul… okay that sounded worse."  
  
Fred giggled. "I gotta say, not all the demons are bad and since I lived with Angel and the others for like two years and I got used to hang out with …" She was cut off by Xander.  
  
"Yeah, I know. My ex-fiancé used to be a demon and I still loved her even when she turned back into one." He shook his head shrugging. "It's just… when it comes to vampires nothing makes sense."  
  
Fred held onto the detail that interested any girl all over the world no matter who she was. "You had a fiancé? Had? What happened? Why aren't you…?” She smiled shyly looking down. "It is none of my business. Sorry. I'm being a nose-r."  
  
He shook his head, smiling at her. "No, it's okay. The break up was my fault. I left her at the altar."  
  
Fred made a face. "Ouch… and her being a demon didn't try killing you?"  
  
"At the time she was an ex-demon but after the wedding that never happened she became a demon again. As for killing me…" He smiled sadly. "…she should've. I think she actually tried, but well…" he trailed off.  
  
Fred placed her hand over his shoulder, careful of not jolting his hold of the baby. "Were you nervous? Was that why you couldn't go through with it?"  
  
"Yeah, also I was confused and… well scared. The funny thing was that I did it because I loved her." He chuckled bitterly. "I actually loved her so much that I asked her to get back together afterwards." He looked at her inquiringly.   
  
Fred patted his shoulder. "We all act stupid when we're in love."  
  
Xander let out a chuckle and smiled at her.   
  
They turned to the door as Angel came in, donning his usual dark clothes. "Took you that long to get dressed?" Xander asked, blinking playfully.  
  
Angel ignored him and looked at Fred. "Thought you were staying at Wesley's tonight. I know I said that you should return to your homes upon arriving, but I assumed…"  
  
Fred pouted. "You don't want me here?" she asked in mock discontent.  
  
"What? No, I just …"  
  
"Relax, Angel, I was just joking." She giggled patting his leg.  
  
Xander looked at Fred eyes wide. "You're with _Wesley_? Wesley has a girlfriend? A real live girlfriend?"  
  
Fred blinked confused at him while Angel rolled his eyes. "He's not the same guy you knew, Xander."  
  
Fred yawned and started stretching. "All right," she said standing up. "I should go to my room, now. I'm very tired, long trip and all."  
  
Angel nodded. "Yeah you should rest." He gave her a hug and helped her gather her things that were lying near the door when she let them fall after the whole Pirate mistake.  
  
Holding her bags, Fred smiled at Xander. "Bye."  
  
Xander waved and held Spike's arm and waved it speaking to him, "Say 'Bye Fred'."   
  
Angel sat next to Xander and looked at Spike. "C'mon, Kiddo, say 'Bye Fred'."  
  
Spike beamed at the eyes gazing at him, intently waving his hand the same way Xander did, but said nothing.  
  
Fred didn't mind, she liked the cute waving and waved back. "Bye Sweetie."  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
  
"Fred," said Xander. “That’s a very unusual name for a girl."  
  
"It's actually Winifred," Angel explained looking at Spike. He chuckled as Spike kept waving.  
  
Xander patted his head. "She's gone. You can stop waving now."  
  
Spike kept waving with a big grin on his face. "Spike," Xander said with a sigh. "I said you can stop." His shout made Spike pout and was about to cry, so Xander quickly gave him the still damp hem of his shirt and Spike mechanically began chewing.  
  
Angel looked down, amazed at the very happy child chewing excitedly. "He does like to bite a lot. You think it has something to do with him being a vampire before?"  
  
He looked up to find Xander fighting to keep his eye open. Angel smiled sympathetically. "You're very tired, aren't you?"  
  
Xander rubbed his one eye with a free hand. "I'm dying for some shut eye." He handed Spike to Angel. "You make him go back to sleep."  
  
Once Spike noticed he's been handed to Angel, he clutched at Xander and began to whimper. Xander closed his eye despairingly. "For sleep's sake, Angel, change face now!"  
  
Angel changed into his vampire face and Spike began to relax as he happily sat on Angel's large arm, reaching up to touch the lengthened fangs. Angel looked down sadly. "He still doesn't like me, eh?"  
  
Xander climbed into bed after taking off his shoes. "We'll work on it tomorrow," he promised tiredly, relaxing into the mattress. He grimaced at the sound of baby babbling. "Angel, make him go to sleep," he complained in despair.  
  
"Why should I be the one to do that?" Angel protested trying to save his fangs from Spike's strangely strong grip.  
  
"Because I was the one who sang him to sleep before _you_ woke him up with your 'stay away from my son' gig, and besides, I suck at singing."  
  
Angel sighed, looking down at Spike who started sucking his thumb and began singing softly,  
  
 _You know I Can't Smile Without You,  
I Can't Smile Without You,   
I can't laugh   
and I can't sing,   
I'm findin' it hard to do anything._  
  
He tried hard to ignore the soft snicker from the bed, but failed miserably. Knowing the reason behind the snicker made him close his eyes tiredly. "What?"  
  
Xander stopped laughing and looked at the broad back. "Dude, what the hell was that?"  
  
" _Can't Smile Without You_ by Barry Manilow."  
  
"You're a Fanilow?"  
  
Angel opened his eyes. "A what?"  
  
"My bad. Obviously, you don't watch _Will and Grace_." He stared at Angel before he started laughing again.  
  
Angel turned to look at Xander with a snap. "What?!"  
  
"Oh, man, and to think you hero types are always perfect at everything. Thanks for proving me wrong," Xander said while he drew the blankets over his body.  
  
"Go to hell," Angel said, sounding a little childish.   
  
"Did Cordelia hear you sing?"  
  
Angel's eyes narrowed at him.  
  
"Seriously, I'm up for a good quip."  
  
Angel turned his attention to Spike, who struggled to get to the floor and crawl. "She did."  
  
"Aww, and I missed it. What song was it?"  
  
"Mandy."  
  
"Wow, you're a true heart Fanilow."  
  
"Shut up." Angel turned to look at Xander again, frowning as he noticed Xander still wearing the eye patch. "Wouldn't you be more comfortable not wearing that?" he said pointing at the patch over Xander’s left eye.  
  
Xander touched it unconsciously. "It's been five days since I've lost… I've never taken it off ever since, except for the medicine." Angel's sympathetic gaze annoyed him. "Would you sing Mandy to the little guy so I can go to sleep?" he said, trying to divert the attention.  
  
Angel knew how to take a hint, so he began singing to the struggling Spike,  
  
 _I remember all my life  
raining down as cold as ice  
Shadows of a man  
a face through a window  
Crying in the night  
the night goes into…_  
  
Xander's snickers made him stop.   
  
Angel gritted his teeth. "Do you want me to sing or you wanna take it from here?"  
  
"Nah, you continue. I don't know the words anyway."  
  
"All right, but tomorrow night it’s your turn to sing."  
  
"Yeah, yeah."  
  
 _Oh Mandy  
Well you came and you gave without taking  
But I sent you away, oh Mandy  
Well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking  
And I need you today, oh Mandy_  
  
Angel kept singing until Spike fell asleep. He tucked him in his crib and turned to face Xander who was snoozing in bed. Xander was sleeping on his side, snoring softly, mouth slightly open with a little drool coming out.  
  
Angel thought about taking a picture to get back at him for the laughing earlier, but eventually settled for an amused headshake.   
  
  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
  
The next day, Angel was sitting in his office, checking over some files and taking fleeting glances to the crib next to him from time to time. He hoped Spike would not wake until Xander and Fred came back from the shopping center. He was glad when Fred had convinced Xander that he was the more suitable companion for the shopping trip. Xander wouldn't combust into dust because of the sun, and Spike had needs that couldn't wait until tonight. She knew Angel wouldn't have bared it to look at the baby stuff and get nostalgic over Connor.   
  
Angel grinned with relief when the door was opened and Fred came through carrying a bunch of shopping bags. She sprinted up to Angel's desk excitedly. "Watch them and weep!" she exclaimed.  
  
Angel held a finger to his mouth and gestured at the sleeping Spike in the crib. Fred bit her lips. "Oops," she whispered back with an apologetic smile.  
  
Angel raised an eyebrow. "Watch them and weep?"  
  
Fred's cheeks turned red. "Xander told me to say that."  
  
"Where is he anyway?" Angel asked, glancing at the door expecting Xander to walk in with more bags that would definitely make Angel weep. Xander must have taken advantage of Angel's credit card that Fred had pouted like a pro to acquire. Angel dreaded what other 'tips' she had picked up from Cordelia.  
  
"He's gone up to shower and change into his new clothes," Fred answered, enthusiastically getting out the baby clothes as well as some toys and spread them all over the papers that were scattered on the desk.  
  
Angel ran his eyes over the charming clothes and toys they had obtained. They couldn't have bought something cheaper at a supermarket or something? Yeah, right, like Xander would be that considerate.  
  
He sighed. "So, you and Wes had fun with your parents?" He smiled at the twinkle in Fred's eyes.  
  
"Yeah, Wesley was so nervous to meet them. Well, he met them before, but not as my boyfriend. So, it's not like meeting the parents for the first time. They liked him so much anyway, not that they hadn't liked him before, but like more now that they knew he cared for me. Ooh and I showed him the places I went to when I was a kid. Schools, the diner, the library and well … everything."   
  
Angel smiled, listening to her cheerful babble, happy for both of them at finding each other. His eyes caught a sight of one of the outfits Fred had bought. He held the small blue shirt checking it out and envisioning how Spike, who's amazingly still asleep through Fred's joyous chatter, thinking he would look absolutely adorable in it.  
  
He grimaced at that thought. Spike as a baby, not as… maybe he should buy a camera and think about the look on Spike's face once he'd see those pictures. Yeah, keep the sane thoughts.   
  
"Cordy called. She said she'll be over here tonight," he said, tossing the shirt aside.   
  
Fred looked at him with raised eyebrows. "She's back already? I thought she was staying another week in Florida."  
  
"She said it's getting too warm there and that she missed us. She wanted to be here if the world decided to end when Buffy messes things up."  
  
Fred rested with both her elbows on the desk staring directly at Angel. "So, you and Cordy are over for good?" she asked, referring to the fascination Angel and Cordelia seemed to have for each other in the last couple of years.  
  
Angel sighed. "Yeah, well, we thought it was for the best." What they'd thought was love turned into mere attraction. Besides, there was the whole her sleeping with Connor thing. It wouldn't have worked out.  
  
"So, what's next with you two?" she asked, biting her lip anxiously.   
  
"We're just friends," Angel answered simply. "Nothing that happened last year would change that. Cordy is still one of my best friends." He smiled at Fred, reassuring her.  
  
She returned his smile. "Now that the whole gang is gonna be here today, better call Gunn and Lorne so they could meet Xander and the baby." She headed eagerly outside, going for the phone.  
  
Angel turned his attention back at what Xander and Fred had procured for little Spike. He knew that Gunn would show up since he'd spent off his time helping out his friends back in the hood, as well as visiting with them, but doubted that Lorne could come tonight because of his gig in Las Vegas.  
  
The smell of freshness with a hint of lemony soap and delicate aftershave made themselves announced. Angel heard Xander exhaling merrily. "I would have given all my kingdom for a bath, except I had no kingdom on me and the water was freely given so I pampered myself like a teenager going out to prom."   
  
Angel's eyes widened when his eyes landed on Xander. The dark slacks and the dark silvery red button-down short sleeved shirt complemented him in a way his usual long sleeved ugly shirts didn't. His hair glistened in the light, still wet but was combed back nicely. His grinning face looked smooth after shaving. The dark patch that covered his left eye clashed with his youthful looks though.   
  
"Angel?"  
  
Angel was shaken out of his musing by Xander's questioning tone. "What?" he asked with an uneasy smile.  
  
Xander raised his eyebrows at him and headed towards the crib. He smiled down at the sleeping baby. "Should we wake him?" he asked, running his finger lightly over the soft honey curls.  
  
Angel shook his head, standing up. "No, better let him wake up on his own when he's hungry," he said speaking from experience, knowing pretty good the unbearable consequences from such an act for once the child stirred awake, one would hope for him to sleep again. He looked at Xander again and ran his fingers through his hair. When did Xander get so muscular?   
  
"Are you checking me out, Angel?"   
  
Angel shook his head nervously. "No! I wasn't… I…um…"  
  
Xander chuckled. "Relax. I was joking. You know, funny things that people say to invoke laughter." He shrugged. "Besides, you're not my type." Xander shook his head with amusement absorbing the overwrought Angel.  
  
"I'm not?" Angel asked. He didn't just ask that!  
  
Xander furrowed his brows and placed a hand on Angel's forehead. "Do vampires get fevers?" He twisted his lips, dropping his hand. "Guess not."  
  
Angel involuntarily touched his forehead, still feeling the warmth of Xander's hand.   
  
The action didn't go unnoticed by Xander. "Is it a spell? Are you possessed by something?"  
  
Angel removed his hand from his forehead. "What?"  
  
Xander waved his hands in the air. "Hello! Is this _bizarre_ world? Angel, you're a man. I'm a women's man. Thought you were one, too."  
  
"I am," Angel said, blinking.   
  
"Then what's with the weird act?" He laughed. "Besides, even if I swung that way, which I don't, you still won't be on the list."  
  
Angel forced his lips shut before another stupid question went out.  
  
Xander gazed down at Spike with a smile.  
  
It only took seconds. "Is it the hair?" Angel asked, tentatively touching his hair.  
  
Xander hung his head with a laugh. "No, idiot, remember me? The heavy weight champion and chairman of the board of the 'We Hate Vampires' club." Xander scoffed at the befuddled look on Angel's face and looked down into the crib again.  
  
"Oh." Angel frowned at the smile on Xander's face as he looked at Spike. "And yet, you're all nice and sweet with Spike."  
  
"He's not Spike. This is an innocent human baby who needs to be taken care of."  
  
"Xander," Angel began, "You know that this baby _is_ Spike, right? Sooner or later we're gonna find a cure and he'll be back to his formal exasperating self." He noticed how Xander's fingers stiffened on Spike's hair.  
  
Angel's brows furrowed in concern. Could it be possible that Xander was starting to get attached to the child? What if he got too attached? Angel feared that when they'd find out how to turn Spike back, Xander would not allow it and eventually run away with the baby, thinking that he was rescuing him from living a life as a monster.  
  
"This kid might be the human Spike, in a way," Xander whispered.  
  
"We still don't know if he's even a human," Angel said, earning a confused look from Xander. "All we know is that he has a heart beat, breathes, and smells human. But that could also mean that he might be a dhampir; a half vampire, half human creature."  
  
Xander shuddered at that thought and looked down at the child. "But you said you could smell him, right? I mean, he looks like a human to me and …"  
  
"He smells like one too, I just said so," Angel cut him off. "But that's not enough. Dhampirs usually smell human."  
  
Xander shook his head, not understanding. "How can there be a half human, half vampire? I don't get that. Why haven't I heard of them before? Being around watchers all this time."  
  
"Because they're very rare, that is the result of how they are created. When a pregnant human mother gets turned and if the child she carries gets born before dying as a result of losing his living supporter; the mother. The child becomes infected with the vampire blood as well and because it is very fragile, it affects it immensely however not to the effect of turning it as well because it is alive but giving it aspects of vampires nonetheless. Dhampirs have the strength, agility and senses of a vampire. It also has human traits like walking in sun light and being immune to religious items." Angel frowned. "Still, they need to drink blood along with normal human nutrients. If they stop drinking blood, they become sick and eventually die."  
  
Xander looked from Angel to the peacefully sleeping baby. "Are they evil? You know, with the drinking blood thing and all. Do they kill humans?"  
  
"I'm not sure. They don't have a demon face, but they do acquire fangs when they need to feed or are angered. I don't know much more about them. I only ran into a couple of them once and that was a long time ago."  
  
"You didn't answer my first question, are they evil?" Xander asked forcefully yet in a low voice not wanting to wake Spike.  
  
Angel sighed. "I don't know… it's… complicated."  
  
"Well, un-complicate it," Xander snapped then winched when Spike stirred. He watched him settle down, and then continued in a lower note, "You've met two of them and I bet you vamps talk among yourselves about your distant cousins."  
  
"The two Darla and I met… were not very good, no. I doubt they were ever good in centuries." Angel recalled the meeting with distaste.  
  
"Centuries? Whoa, you're saying they're immortal, too? Guess that comes with the vamp package."  
  
Angel nodded. "As for general talks, well, they weren't good. You see vampires are considered the lower kind of hybrid and dhampirs are even lower in the eyes of the vampire clans. They are usually outcasts. They could be easily killed but that's not the reason. Most vampires and demons hate them as well as envy them. They could go out into the sun while others can't. They are mostly Chasers or Hunters and because of their multitude of abilities other demons and humans pay them to kill."  
  
Xander grimaced. "Sort of like hit men then." Then he forced a smile. "You’re a chatter box when you're being all Giles-y, you know."  
  
Angel gazed him with narrowed eyes, not liking the change of subject. "So what are you going to do if you learn that he's a dhampir?"  
  
Xander's eye didn't leave the child in the crib, and Angel could tell that he was having some sort of conflict going on in his head. It was a strange sight to see, Xander being conflicted over a child he'd only known yesterday. A child who used to be a vampire he disliked.   
  
Xander tore his gaze from Spike and looked at Angel. "How do we know if he's a dhampir?" he asked instead of answering Angel's previous question.  
  
Angel reluctantly allowed the swerve around his question. "We'll do what we always do when we need answers," he said simply with a smile.  
  
"Research." Xander nodded and smiled in return. "That I can do."  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
Cordelia smiled as Wesley and Gunn helped carrying her luggage into the hotel. Gunn grimaced at the large number of bags he and Wes carried. He was now sure he and Wesley made the right choice by coming together to pick her up.  
  
"Honey, I'm home!" Cordelia chirped, walking into the lobby, flaunting her new sun dress and obvious tan. Right behind her came in her two bag boys, grunting under the weight they were carrying. They dropped the stuff behind her and watched amused as Cordelia stood, glaring and tapping her foot on the marble floor when Angel and Fred in the lobby paid her no attention whatsoever and continued to read, one from an open book and the other engrossed in the shining blue screen in front of her.  
  
"Uhem!" Cordelia coughed, not at all happy with being ignored.  
  
"Well, look at you all tanned and wanting to be complemented."  
  
Cordelia's eyes widened at the voice she recognized immediately. She quickly turned and saw Xander Harris, looking like all her prayers to the gods of fashion had finally listened to her and gave him a sense of style. Even his hair looked better than the last time she'd seen him, combed at least with only a single strand of silky dark hair falling over his face barely covering his… eye patch.  
  
"What the hell is that on your face?"  
  
The loud shrieking brought the attention of the absorbed readers to the other two. Not to mention, caused Cordelia's two escorts to pay even more attention.  
  
Before Xander could explain the eye patch story, another bawl trapped Cordelia's attention.  
  
"Is that a baby?" She pointed at the child, sucking on the bottle of milk in Xander's arms.  
  
"Yes, Cordelia that's a baby which was finally silent before you put him off eating with your infernal scream!" Xander yelled back as he tried to comfort the baby and get him to take the bottle's nipple again.  
  
Before Cordelia could lash out on her verbal attack, Angel came to the rescue. "Xander lost his eye fighting," Angel said knowing full well that no woman could resist 'a hero who lost a limb fighting' story.   
  
Cordelia's eyes softened, but her tone didn't. "You must have been _stupid_ to take on who ever the hell did that to you, and if I found them they'd wish they stayed…"  
  
"Buffy cut him in two," Xander said, cutting the onslaught of words said on his behalf.  
  
Cordelia glared. "Damn! That girl has all the fun."  
  
At that time, the baby lost interest in the adults and chose to go back to feeding, but made sure he made a slurping sound just to make sure everyone's attention would go back to him.  
  
Cordelia looked at him and then at up Xander again. "Is that yours? You and Anya back together?" she asked.  
  
Xander blinked and held back a laugh. He looked at Angel who was already gazing at him. "Yo, care to handle this? I'm all talked out about that… and hey, you can show them your Giles thing."  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
An hour later, Gunn submitted to research under the fact that he was plain bored. And that if Cordelia wasn't going to have a vision or minions from the hellmouth weren't going to storm the hotel anytime soon the only thing left for him to do was looking through Wesley's musty old books with him and Angel. Meanwhile, Fred surfed the internet, looking for similar incidences.  
  
Cordelia refused to research claiming that if Spike's 'dad' wasn't bothering himself to breathe in book dust, why should she? And steered past the fact that Xander was busy pacing back and forth in the lobby trying to calm the crying baby and only sat against the front desk filing her nails demanding that Xander's nosey baby to be quieted.  
  
"Who would've thought that Spike could even be more annoying as a child with a limited vocabulary?"  
  
"Well, jeez, Cordy, who would've thought that after all these years you're still bitchy CC?" Xander did another spin to silence the crying baby. "And I'm _not_ his dad."  
  
Angel raised his head from the thousand year old tomb he was reading. "Actually, she grew up somewhere but somehow she found her way back to her old ways," he remarked. This got a snicker from Wesley and Gunn who pointedly looked at Cordelia's returning dark hair for which they both received a smack on the head from a disapproving Fred.   
  
"Haha, very funny, Angel," Cordelia commented, still trying to make the book she was reading out of sight. Angel smiled, knowing her too well.   
  
Xander, on the other hand, looked impressed at Angel, never knowing that he could throw a joke. Not to mention, a good one.   
  
"I'm not one to agree with Cordelia but that wailing is rather distracting," Wesley commented to Xander.  
  
Xander looked at him with a helpless look on his face. "Well, all knowing watcher, what shall you have me do?" he asked sarcastically. "He doesn't want to eat, he doesn't need changing, and can I stress how thankful I am for that fact? Even Angel went all vampire on him and that didn't help at all. I am stumped here!"  
  
Wesley actually looked at loss for words and fiddled with his glasses. Angel looked sympathetically at Xander. Whenever Connor had cried, he would do one of the things Xander had mentioned but that didn't seem to be work here. Perhaps it had something to do with Spike's age?   
  
The answer to their problems came from one unlikely source. "Maybe the kid just wants his blanky?" Gunn remarked, flipping through the pages.  
  
"Wants a what?" Cordelia asked.   
  
Gunn sighed closing the book then sneezed when some dust went into his nose. "Damn, English, don't you clean your book?" When he stopped coughing, he continued, "When I'd babysat my niece and she wouldn't stop crying no matter what I did, I gave her her blanket and she would stop just like that." He snapped his fingers.  
  
"I doubt Spike has a blanket," Fred said.  
  
"Oh, it doesn't have to be a blanket it just has to be something that he had had for a while."  
  
Xander frowned. At that point he was willing to do anything. He was actually worried that his ears were beginning to melt. He worked his brain trying to remember what he had brought with his from Sunnydale that could work. An idea sprung to his mind quickly he dropped Spike in Angel's arms before running to the office. A few seconds later, surprised eyes watched as Xander came out with a duffle bag and placed it on the reception desk.  
  
As Spike's wailing got louder, Xander started throwing the things in the bag over his head. Various kinds of clothes and rags flew into the lobby, and everybody watched in wonder as item after item flew through the air. Xander continued to tear through the bag flinging all sorts of things all over the place.  
  
A faint clinking sound was heard. Wesley stood up to inspect what caused that sound. As he neared the crazed Xander turned to him with a wide grin on his face holding something in his arms.  
  
"Voila! Spike's infamous leather duster!" he said, showing it to Wesley who looked at it with mild fascination before walking around him.  
  
Xander glared at Wesley when he paid his discovery no attention but stopped glaring when he heard Angel's desperate growl. Quickly, he was beside Angel who stood up and they carefully placed the flailing baby on the coat before wrapping it around him.  
  
"Did I go deaf?" Fred asked, blinking as the lobby fell into silence.  
  
Angel and Xander shared a large grin and looked down at the baby held between them. Spike looked up blue eyes shining with something they could not discern. His blond head bore deeper into the leather surrounding and the two on lookers could've sworn that he breathed in its smell. That before his tiny fingers wrapped around the collar over his chest and proceeded with his favorite pastime, gnawing on the worn material.  
  
"You don’t know where that was!" Cordelia pulled Spike's new chew toy away from his mouth. Xander and Angel cringed waiting for the infernal crying but nothing came. They looked down and saw shocked blue eyes looking at Cordelia who crossed her arms, the blue eyes quickly set off glaring at her.  
  
"There, there, kiddo," Angel turned the baby's attention towards him. "No need to be angry with aunty Cordy. She's just worries for your health."   
  
Cordelia sighed. "Sure, I am. What aunt would I be if I let you get sick and barf all over your daddy?" she said, smirking at Xander.  
  
Xander was truly tempted to stick his tongue out at her but refrained, not wanting to set a bad example. He took Spike completely into his arms and went to sit besides Fred who started cooing trying to distract Spike from chewing the leather. Xander made up his mind; he was cleaning this duster the second Spike falls asleep.  
  
"Angel, may I speak with you?" Wesley called out. He was looking at something in his hand with a frown.  
  
"Sure." Angel went to stand beside his friend. He quickly noticed what he was holding. "Hey, that's the amulet."  
  
"The what?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"Don't you remember? The one I gave to Buffy."  
  
"And in turn she gave it to Spike, yes?" Wesley asked. Angel nodded. "This changes everything."  
  
"Xander, do you know what this is?" Wesley asked, holding the necklace for Xander to see.  
  
"Yeah, I saw it next to Spike when I packed his bag. Never knew he was a fan of jewelry." Xander snickered and tickled the baby causing him to burble in laughter.  
  
Wesley turned to Angel. "This was meant to be yours, to fight beside the Slayer as her champion."  
  
Angel shook his head. "She chose him as her champion."  
  
Wesley took off his glasses then put them back on, lost in thought. "I have a book that I took out of the same vault where I found the pendant. I have to look through it but I think I know what happened."  
  
With that he headed towards their library, found the book he was talking about, took it into the office and closed the door behind him.  
  
Less than fifteen minutes had passed before Wesley exited the office. He asked the others to gather round for he had something of some importance to tell them.  
  
"Looky here, kid, your first meeting as a baby," Xander said to the child in his lap sucking on a pacifier that Fred gave him from the belongings that she and Xander had bought this morning.  
  
"It's not bad, is it?" Fred asked, worried.  
  
Wesley shook his head. "It depends on how you look at it, but I think it isn't. I believe I have reached an explanation to how William the Bloody became a human child."  
  
Gunn frowned. "So it doesn't have to do with that red-haired witch chick?"  
  
"No, it seems that Ms. Rosenberg has had no hand in what had happened to Spike."  
  
"Then how…?" Angel looked down at the child wrapped in black on Xander's lap.  
  
Wesley took off his glasses then quickly put them back on, reaching a decision. "You all saw the amulet, right?"  
  
Everyone nodded. "I've found an amulet that was said that it would help the Slayer on the final battle with The First and in closing the Hellmouth; for it has a purifying power. However, it could only be worn by a champion hence sending it with Angel to Sunnydale. However it seems that Buffy had chosen her own champion gave him the amulet…"  
  
"But the final battle hadn't…" Xander cut him off.  
  
Wesley stopped him from continuing, "I know. The talisman was meant as a cleanser and to be used to close the Hellmouth. In my opinion, with the help of what Xander had mentioned earlier about finding it beside Spike, I believe he had worn it before the fight; and in turn, closed the Hellmouth. However, since closing it needs such great power and with the amulet's champion being far from the site itself it used up his demon's strength to compensate for the distance, with the demon inside him growing weaker and weaker until it completely disappeared."  
  
"But if he lost his demon, the thing that made him a vampire, shouldn't he… I don't know… become dust? 'Cause ya'll know the human body could only function with the demon in it 'cause it's like dead and all?" Fred asked confused.  
  
Wesley nodded and looked at Angel. "Uh, yes. Well, this is where it depends on how you look at it. For all sense Spike should be dust, but it seems that he had qualified for _shanshu_ and, well, won it."  
  
"What?"  
  
"How?"  
  
"What's a shanshu?"  
  
The last was asked by Xander and in the between exclamations from both Cordelia and Gunn. Fred explained it to him in a few words. Strangely, the only one who hadn't said anything was Angel.  
  
"Angel?" Wesley addressed him, worried.  
  
Angel blinked and looked at him before smiling. But before he was able to say anything Cordelia had a stake out.  
  
"You're not evil, are you?" she inquired. Xander backed away holding Spike protectively. The others did the same thing.  
  
Angel calmly shook his head and gestured for them to sit down. "I'm not angry or evil, so relax and let Wes finish."  
  
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and turned their attention back to Wesley, who looked at them a bit timid.  
  
"Um, well, I have nothing more to say," he whispered.  
  
Fred jumped up and gave him a hug and a quick kiss. "You did well, sweetie."   
  
Wesley looked surprised at the show of affection but when no one acted like anything wrong happened, he went with the flow and hugged her.  
  
"Well, if the lecture's over can I ask a question?" Xander raised his hand.  
  
"Yes, um, Xander, you wanted to ask something?"  
  
"Okay, now you say that the demon was used to close the Hellmouth, which by the way, I'm gonna make sure that happened by giving the gang a call in a few, what would have happened if Spike wore the amulet in the big bang not a few miles away from the school?"  
  
"Uh, the Hellmouth would close still but the close proximity of it would be overwhelming on the amulet and would have had the strength to close the hellmouth and purify the area…"  
  
"And by purifying you mean…?" Xander inquired.  
  
"Basically… burning," Wesley offered.  
  
"Cool, so all the UberVamps ol' Firsty was gonna release would've been turned into powder." Xander said excitedly. He then frowned and asked slowly. "But Spike would've still turned into a baby, right?"  
  
Wesley's face looked grim. "I highly doubt that. He would've burned perhaps less quickly than the other vampires considering he was wearing it, but…"  
  
"He would be extra dead," Xander finished dully.  
  
Wesley nodded.  
  
"So if I wore it I would have either been burned alive or turned into a human child," Angel mumbled not knowing which was worse, but no one paid any attention to him all lost in their own thoughts.   
  
Xander wasn't sure how he felt about this. Spike could have been dead. After he saved their lives. That wouldn't have been right. No, it wouldn't. _No one can deny that Spike is one lucky bastard._ Xander thought with a smile.  
  
"Why did he shanshu as a baby, Wesley?" Angel broke them out of their thoughts.  
  
Wesley looked uncomfortable looking sideways at Xander. "Well it seems that when that not so little deal that you'd made with Lilah changed the prophecy a little."  
  
Angel blinked. "Oh," he whispered and said nothing more. There was an uncomfortable silence where everyone but Xander knew what Wesley was saying but said nothing.  
  
"O-kay, I guess I better call Will and give her the good news," Xander said cheerily then placed Spike in the careful hands of Angel and went to make the phone call.  
  
Less than a minute later, he returned with a frown.  
  
"That was one quick call," Cordelia said.  
  
Xander shook his head. "I don't know. She picked up but she seemed to be in a hurry, she said she'd explain soon and hung up. She didn't sound like there was trouble though."  
  
Angel stood up and handed him Spike who was squirming in the confines of the duster, wanting Xander. "Then there's nothing to be worried about. If there were trouble she would've told you, right?" Angel said in a reassuring tone.  
  
Xander nodded. "Yeah, yeah, you're right."  
  
"Da, da, da," baby Spike babbled waving his hands up at Xander soon after spitting the pacifier out of his mouth.  
  
"Hey there, little guy. Time for beddie bye." Xander started towards the stairs, stopped then turned to look at Wesley. "You're saying his demon's dead? Is he gonna grow up normally?"  
  
Wesley nodded. "I have no evidence to say that he will not. However, in this world of ours, nothing is written in stone."  
  
Xander looked from him to Spike in his arms and said nothing. He slowly ascended the stairs to their room.  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
Angel peeked around the door to Connor's room and looked inside. He watched as Xander changed Spike's diaper, talking the child through it. He smiled at the disgusted look that appeared on his face as he took the dirty diaper and threw it in a small black trash bag and cleaned Spike up before placing a clean diaper on him.  
  
Xander noticed Angel looking at him from the door and glared at the smirk that was residing on his face. "Yeah, laugh at the man handling the icky poop," he said, lobbing the trash bag to the other side of the changing table and picking Spike up to put him in his crib.  
  
Angel walked to the crib and glanced down at the yawning baby.   
  
"Hey." He turned to Xander who softly called him. Xander held out Angel's sweat pants and the outfit he had given Xander that morning when he and Fred had went shopping. "Thanks, man."  
  
Angel gave him a smile and waved the pants back. "Keep them, the shirt and pants looked good on you this morning."  
  
Xander shrugged. "I can handle the dark look for a while I guess."   
  
"Aren't you gonna sing now?" Angel asked, smirking.  
  
Xander raised an eyebrow. "Oh, dare I say you're looking forward to hear my pretty voice?"  
  
"I just want to hear how well the boy, who mocked my singing voice, could sing, that's all," Angel replied shrugging, taking his eyes from the baby to look at Xander challengingly barely containing himself from crossing his arms Cordelia style.  
  
"Yeah, well, whatever you say I sound much better than you."  
  
"Just sing!"  
  
Xander looked down at the baby who looked back at him with heavy blue eyes with a thumb firmly in his little potty mouth, and began to sing softly…  
  
 _It's up in my heart when it skips a beat, skips a beat  
Can't feel no pavement right under my feet, under my feet_  
  
Unlike Xander yesterday, Angel barely held himself together for a few seconds and laughed loudly. Xander gave him a death glare trying to hush him but Angel couldn't control himself, which got Spike to open his eyes wide. Xander noticed right away that he was about to cry, the eyes rapidly filling with tears a good clue.   
  
Xander immediately bent for the baby trying to soothe him and began singing to him, again, which was not the right thing to do if one considered Angel's helpless condition.  
  
At last, Spike began to relax and yawned, Xander sighed with relief and glared up at Angel who had a stupid grin on his face.   
  
"You… the song… terrible," Angel whispered between residual laughs quietly so he wouldn't disturb Spike, again.  
  
"Hey, the song's by The Carol! One of the best hits in 2002," Xander protested angrily.  
  
Angel with a measure of difficulty controlled himself. "Your voice sounded strange trying to handle that tone." With that he began to snicker again.  
  
"Like you’re the music expert. Quit it. You'll disturb Spi …" he trailed off looking at Angel. "I suppose Spike isn't the right name for a, now sort of proven, human baby."  
  
Angel, quiet now, nodded. "Yeah, I think we should call him…" He looked down at the toddler and smiled softly. "…William, his real name."  
  
Xander considered it. "Sounds about right."  
  
They both looked down at drowsy little William who mumbled something softly. "So," Angel began quietly, "Uh… what's the name of the band again?"  
  
Xander shook his head. "Just thank your god I didn't sing one of my country music collections."  
  
" _You_ listen to country music?"  
  
"Just when the land of romance isn't working for me."  
  
Angel didn't miss the bitterness in Xander's tone, and tried to remember the name of the woman Xander was planning to marry last year.   
  
Xander sighed. "I can't stop thinking about the phone call with Willow. I hope they're all okay."  
  
"They will," Angel spoke faintly. He was surprised when Xander smiled up at him.  
  
Xander, in an attempt to change the subject, gave a seething look. "So, I take it from the swaying and laughing that you didn't like my voice much?"  
  
Angel's mouth twisted and was about to laugh until Xander raised a finger with a warning stare. "Don't do it if you know what's good for you."   
  
"It's just …" Angel shrugged feebly. "Your voice wasn't the best for the song."  
  
"Oh, like yours is any better," Xander replied with defiance.  
  
"I admitted that mine was bad."  
  
"So did I."  
  
"So what's the problem?"  
  
"The problem is that I didn't laugh at you when you sang that Mandy song!" Xander retorted quietly to not disturb the drowsy child.  
  
"Hey, I heard you murmuring Mandy this morning." Angel smirked recalling Xander trying hard not to mumble the words of the song in front of him.  
  
"Because you kept repeating it yesterday, it just stuck in my head," Xander glared at him, insisting it wasn't his fault the evil song refused to leave his head.  
  
Angel raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Okay, I confess I like Mandy, but your voice still sucked at it."  
  
"I agree," Angel confessed, happy that he won the part of the battle. "Hey, I have Barry Manilow's soundtracks if you wanna hear Mandy or any other songs of his?"   
  
"Don't push it, man." Xander ran a hand through his hair. "How about we could sing together to him? That way no one gets to hear the other's voice." He shrugged. "And hey, maybe we'll teach him how to sing them to us when he gets older."  
  
"We will?" Angel asked surprised. "Does that mean you're staying here after Buffy and the others defeat the First?"  
  
"I don't know," Xander said. "I never thought about it." William thought Xander was his father and Angel in a vampiric relating way had the right to raise him. But that didn't mean that Xander would stay. He had a life in Sunnydale: friends, an apartment, and once his boss and the rest of the crew were back after running away; he'd show them that he could still do the job minus an eye.  
  
William gave a sigh and wiggled a bit, Xander looked down alarmed and exclaimed, "Better keep singing. I didn't clean the duster yet so it'll have to do." He was about to sing but paused looking up at Angel with a glower. "Sing along."  
  
Angel twisted his lips. "Guess I better leave. We can do the duet some other time." He hesitated a little before bending down and kissing William on the forehead.   
  
Xander blinked at the weirdness he'd just witnessed.   
  
Angel cleared his throat when he caught Xander staring at him. "Good night."  
  
Xander grinned. "You too, Fanilow."  
  
Angel rolled his eyes at the as he exited, he closed the door quietly behind him.   
  
Xander shook his head then looked down at William. He looked back at the door, and then checked every corner of then room, and then he bent down and placed a quick peck on William's cheek.  
  
The door swung open. "Gotcha!" Angel yelled.  
  
William wailed.  
  
"Go to hell, Angel!"  
  
"Been there. Not that pleasant."  
  
"Gee, that didn't cross my mind!"  
  
  


~*~*~*~


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

  
  
"Hello, Piglet."  
  
"Oh, hi, Pooh, how are you today?"  
  
"Very well, Piglet. I have enough honey that could last me this whole day if I only eat one per hour."  
  
"B-but, Pooh, what are you doing standing there n-not moving?"  
  
"I have fifteen and twenty-three seconds 'till my hours up, so I'm standing in the same spot 'cause if I move, there will be a time difference."  
  
In the lobby of the hotel, Xander sat on the floor with William perched in front of him, performing a puppet show with the characters from _Winnie the Pooh_ in front of him. He knew how to imitate every character, seeing as he was _still_ watching the cartoon, if apocalyptic and his high social life allowed. Unfortunately for the enthusiastic Xander, William seemed more interested in hitting the stuffed animals than watching or listening to Xander's made up production.  
  
Xander kept playing and avoiding William's directed attacks at the defenseless dolls when a sudden flash went on. Xander and William looked up in alarm to find Angel standing there holding a camera.  
  
"That's a cute picture for our family album," Angel said, taking the camera away from his face revealing a large sappy grin.  
  
"You got a camera?" Xander said, incredulous.  
  
"Not just a camera," Angel began, displaying in enthusiasm. He proudly extended a plastic bag, bearing the logo of a well-known electronic store. He showed Xander a video camera and its equipments. He also had a stack of tapes, eagerly pointing to each one. "That's for his first crawl, his first walk, his first day in kindergarten …"  
  
"His first not-scared-from-Angel's day," Xander teased and looked innocent when Angel glared at him. "Right. First crawl." He looked at William as he sat upright and swatted the stuffed animals. "That could be any time soon."  
  
Angel scratched his head. "According to the books, he should be able to stand up right now. Actually, a lot of kids walk before their first birthday."  
  
"You already bought books on babies?" Xander blinked.  
  
"Uh… Fred bought them. Yesterday," Angel said, flustered.  
  
Xander frowned. "I was with her. She did cast longing looks at the library, but we never went in there."  
  
"Well…"  
  
"Wait a minute," Xander gasped. " _Yesterday_? You've managed to devour books about _babies_ that were bought yesterday?"  
  
"One book!" Angel exclaimed, defensive.  
  
Xander's eyebrows shot upwards.  
  
Angel looked around the lobby, trying to find anything to change the subject. He noted the large amount of toys. "So … that's a lot of toys," he tossed back, raising _his_ eyebrow at Xander.  
  
Xander felt blood rushing to his cheeks. "Well, babies love toys. William is a baby…ergo, he needs toys. ‘Sides, I don’t like him chewing on Spike’s duster and my shirts. Not to mention the accompanied slobber attack." Xander assumed that the attacking thing came from Spike and that the drool was pure William.  
  
"Uh huh." Angel nodded wisely. He held up a package that had the Play Station computer logo on it. "And I guess this one is for baby Xander?"  
  
"Hey, leave that," Xander shouted. "Think about it, William is gonna be the first kid his age to have a Play Station game. That's an important thing for kids," Xander pointed out talking from experience, the experience of not owning the new or best games when he was younger.  
  
"And we mustn't forget to satisfy your inner child 'till the little guy develops the ability play with them," Angel said sardonically, earning a glare from Xander. "Look, you can buy anything… for William. As long as I'm gonna find enough money to feed and clothe us when I use my credit card," he added with a warning look.  
  
"Don't worry about you not finding money 'cause I still have some." He didn't go on in explaining how it was a lot more fun spending the money the guy you always envied had instead of his own savings.  
  
Angel bent down and started petting William's head, caressing the blond hair causing the toddler to gurgle happily. "He's quite cute when he's not afraid of me," he said, playing with the honey curls.  
  
"Well, that's because he's practically on my lap." Xander smirked. He chuckled when Angel gave him a flat, unfriendly look.  
  
Angel looked around. "So where're the others?"  
  
"Gunn and Fred are out, and Cordelia and Wesley are in the office," Xander answered. He got to meet everyone earlier as they opened the agency at the crack of dawn. Unusually early for Xander, who was never an early riser, but who could blame him when he had a baby as an alarm clock.  
  
Xander had a tired look on his face. He had been up for such a long time with William and wanted a little shut-eye. He sighed and held out Puppet Pooh for William to take but the toddler kept reaching for Tigger and ignoring the rotund yellow bear.  
  
"I think he likes the cat more," Angel supplied helpfully as he watched the two.  
  
Xander narrowed his eyes. "It's a tiger named Tigger, thank you very much Mr. I-don’t-know-jack. He has to learn to like Pooh, kids like bears, it's in the kiddy rule book." He nodded and pushed the bear in William's face to prove his point. He only got a scrunched face as an answer.  
  
Angel raised an eyebrow, disdaining to say ‘I told you so’. "Well, Spike was always a cat person. He hated bears with a good reason concerning a not so pleasant encounter with one," he added vaguely. "Maybe it passed down."  
  
"A tiger, Angel. Know your cat family."  
  
Angel gave William the toy he wanted, causing him to squeal in delight.  
  
"Isn't that a homey sight," a voice startled them and they all looked towards the doorway where Buffy stood feet parted her figure framed by the sunlight. She looked weary and exhausted but in a way had a triumphant aura about her.  
  
“Buff…” Xander didn’t get a chance to finish. Abruptly, Angel found his hands full with a wiggling, happily drooling baby.  
  
Xander dashed over the steps and wrapped his arms around Buffy in an effusive hug.  
  
William peered with wide-eyed interest at Buffy.  
  
Xander pulled back, still holding on to her and looked her over. "None worse for wear, but at least you didn't try the dead thing again." He grinned at her.  
  
Buffy pouted, looking down at her never to be worn again outfit. "Yeah, well, after two or three times the dead thing becomes boring." She smiled up at her impishly friend.  
  
Xander returned her smile. "What about the others?" he asked looking behind her to see if the rest were with her.  
  
A sad look came over Buffy. "Most lived, but a few…" she sighed. "It's a bit of a long-er. I bet Giles would love to fill in the gaps." She noticed his worried look and she felt a pang in her chest. She placed her hand on his arm and squeezed. "Go… Willow and the others are getting our stuff… be macho man and help."  
  
Xander didn't need to hear any further and raced outside looking for Willow.  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
After four years of being apart, every chance Angel got to see Buffy, it would take him back to older and simpler times. He'd always feel the same old sensations and his stomach would flutter, her effect on him never wagered. So, right now, as she looked up at him with her beautiful green eyes, the butterflies in his stomach went nuts.  
  
"I'm glad you agreed to this," she said, pointing at nibbling ex-vampire. "Even though Spike wasn't your 'cup of blood' kind of guy."  
  
Angel shrugged. "Well, to be honest, I wasn't going to at first…"  
  
"But you changed your mind," Buffy said with emphasis, giving him a knowing smile.  
  
"Yeah," he spoke softly, running his fingers through William's curls. A smile found itself a place on his lips when he felt him push back up to meet his caress.  
  
Buffy stood in front of Angel, eying Spike closely. "Kinda weird to believe that this baby is actually Spike."  
  
Angel chuckled when she started cooing at William who was still chewing the Tigger doll happily as if it was made of chocolate. William hadn't spared her a single look after that first wondering stare. He seemed to have lost interest in her.  
  
She ran her fingers against his soft full pink cheek stroking tenderly. Attracting William's attention, he raised his eyes and blinked up at her questioningly. She smiled fondly at him, earning her a large grin from his mouth that was still rapped around the poor tiger’s foot.  
  
She leant closer to him. "Hey, Spikey, aren't you the cutest little boy?"  
  
"Uh …" Angel interrupted. "We're calling him William seeing as… it's a long story. And I know for sure that Wes would hurt me if I told it instead of him," he said, shooting a glance towards the closed office door. He felt a little bit of worry finding its way to him and gulped hoping that those two weren't up to something behind his back seeing that is had been a while since they left the office.  
  
Buffy chuckled, bringing back his attention. "Well, I think I know most of it since Giles has been yapping about it all the time and also on the way over here… and you would know how bad it was since I was holding my nifty new weapon hard not wanting to see if it could solve evil cases of watcher yappin'! And did I just use the word ‘yappin'’ with ‘Giles’?" she asked with a shocked frown.  
  
Angel didn't even spare a second to wonder how much air her lungs could hold he was used to this Sunnydale treat by now. He grimaced mockingly at her question. "That tells me that you've been spending a lot more time with Spike than I ever wanted to know about."  
  
Buffy narrowed her eyes warningly at him in the international sign of 'drop it'. She rubbed her forehead with exhaustion and grimaced when her hand became covered with dust.  
  
"You look tired," Angel said, noticing the way her eyelids kept slipping closed.  
  
Buffy looked up with a weary smile. "Try fighting an endless bunch of the First's Bringers for God knows how long then making sure with a blood ritual that the Hellmouth is closed followed by the boring-est meeting invented by the government, and tell me how you feel afterwards!” She yawned, grinning. “We didn't have much sleep in the meeting either."  
  
"At least you didn't fight those Uber vampires," Angel pointed out dryly.  
  
"Call me crazy but I kinda got disappointed that the Hellmouth closed before the fight."  
  
Angel smiled with actual relief. “I’m glad the Hellmouth is finally closed and the thing with the First too,” he added honestly, after all, he was one of the First’s victims years ago.  
  
Buffy nodded. "Yeah, you don't have to be my second front anymore."  
  
“Hate to interrupt the moment you two got going on, but little William there dropped his Tigger and he’s about to blow up,” Cordelia announced her presence, causing Angel to look down immediately at William, whose face was turning red and blotchy and was whimpering pitifully.  
  
Buffy knelt down with her face filled of disgust and picked up the 'droll-doll,' handing it to William. His face cleared up instantly and without a second hesitation, he grabbed it and merrily started working on an arm.  
  
“So, had a nice slay, Buffy?” Cordelia asked caustically, her hands on her hips. She raised an eyebrow looking distastefully at Buffy's tattered clothes.  
  
"Kinda, I’m looking for a bed right now… but I wouldn't mind risking it for a long shower." She nodded at the shower part fervently, making it plain where her priorities lay.  
  
Wesley came out of the office and noticed Buffy's presence. “Hello, Buffy,” he greeted her casually with a smile.  
  
Angel grinned at Buffy's shocked gaze and turned his own gaze toward Wesley. He could vividly remember the Wesley Buffy remembered, so her shock didn't surprise him at all. Wesley was wearing a dark pair of jeans and a cream casual dress shirt; he had stubble and was forgoing the usual glasses on his face as they were placed neatly in his front pocket.  
  
Angel caught Buffy turning a suspicious eye towards Cordelia who was now leafing, with evident boredom, through a magazine.  
  
Wesley looked down a bit embarrassed at the long stare. “So… uh where are the others?”  
  
“I know Giles, Willow and Dawn are outside. The others went with Faith and Wood to Cleveland,” Buffy answered, her face splitting into a huge yawn.  
  
“Why didn't you let them rest here for a while before going off to Cleveland?” Angel asked without thinking.  
  
Buffy laughed noticing his change of expression. “I wasn’t in charge of that. I was asleep all the way to L.A. but maybe because… you know… they're all slayers now… and… and don't need to rest much,” she said with an all too casual shrug.  
  
Cordelia crossed her arms. “And you're not?” she asked narrowing her eyes.  
  
“Well I'm old… er … and they're young… ish …and peppy and I need the rest… with two deaths beneath my torn belt and all … oh forget it! I didn't have my own shower for months,” Buffy whined, her eyes nearly tearing up.  
  
Cordelia's expression quickly changed into one of horrified concern as she ran to Buffy and held her. “Oh, Buffy, I'm sorry I didn't know. That must have been awful!”  
  
Buffy sniffled and nodded pathetically against Cordelia’s shoulder. Angel and Wesley just gaped while little William made a squealing sound.  
  
Cordelia’s nose scrunched when she smelled Buffy’s hair. She backed away quickly and hit Buffy on the shoulder. “Go shower now. You stink.”  
  
Buffy’s only response was to flash a wide grin. She turned and ran run up the stairs, two at a time.  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
The sun’s strong rays hit Xander’s face the moment he set foot outside the front door. It was considerably brighter than the hotel lobby. He used his right arm to cover his sensitive eye from the direct sun as he searched the street. His gaze landed on the curb where Willow and Giles were waving goodbye to a retreating yellow school bus.  
  
“Willow!” Xander called cheerfully, racing towards her. Willow turned around with a beaming wide smile of her own as she recognized his voice. Less than a second later she had her arms full of a giddy Xander who was embracing her tightly. She hugged him back, just as hard. Both of them let out a relieved sigh at finally being reunited.  
  
“Why didn’t you call me last night?” Xander asked with apprehension, his voice muffled by her hair. He refused to let her go.  
  
“I’m sorry. It’s just there was so much to do, what with government naggings and a mega draining spell.” Her answer was muffled as well with her face pressed into a wide shoulder. After a few minutes they parted and smiled at each other knowing that now that they were together, somehow everything was going to be fine.  
  
Willow gave a side glance which Xander followed. He saw Giles standing close by, looking slightly uncomfortable. Without hesitation, Xander grabbed Giles into a manly bear hug not unlike the one he had wanted to give him, contemplated it, two years ago when Giles decided to leave Sunnydale.  
  
Thankfully Giles didn’t seem to protest and threw the whole British thing to the wind as he hugged Xander back just as firm.  
  
Xander backed away still looking at Giles. “So where are the others going?” he asked nodding at the direction where the bus seemed to be headed.  
  
“Uh, well, that was Faith and Robin Wood accompanying the remaining slayers. They’re heading to the second active Hellmouth where their services would be needed,” Giles answered, rubbing his forehead tiredly.  
  
Xander opened his mouth to ask another question but was interrupted by Willow.  
  
“Dawn and Andrew went to a grocery store we passed on the way here. They said they needed some booster upper, after all that fighting with the Bringers. They ain't super boosted slayers you know,” Willow was in full babble mood as she repeated what was clearly something Dawn would say.  
  
Xander smiled, happy to see some bits of the old Willow were peeking through. Whatever had occurred in Sunnydale seemed to have done her some good. He was glad that his friend seemed to get beyond what she had done the year before and was beginning to return to her old peppy non-dark-haired self.  
  
“So where’s Anya? Did she go with Faith and the others?” He couldn’t hide his disappointment that Anya might have left before she saw him. She could have at least let him know she was all right. She knew that he still cared for her even after all that had happened.  
  
Willow exchanged an anxious look with Giles. “Oh … uh ...” She looked up at Xander sadly, tears threatened to pour from her green eyes. “Xander, Anya … she didn’t make it.” At Xander’s stunned look, she pulled him into her arms and gently embraced him, silently offering comfort. “I’m sorry, honey,” she whispered.  
  
Xander blinked away tears he didn't know had formed in his eye but his vision didn't stop blurring. Anya was gone. She was dead. _Anya_. Along with all the fears he had that his friends could lose their lives in this battle, which he had before Wesley's explanation about the Hellmouth closing when Spike had worn the amulet. Even then Xander wasn't sure and when he called Willow to ask she didn't confirm and seemed to be in a haste that really worried Xander. A worry that didn't dissipate until the moment he saw them all alive… well, almost all. That meant the Hellmouth had actually closed before _Xander_ even left Sunnydale.  
  
Xander's thoughts returned to the cause of his contemplations; Anya. He had never pictured Anya dead or even close to that. She had been the strong one in their former relationship. She had been the one to teach him all sorts of new things, albeit most were on the kinky side. Anya had been a demon with over a thousand years under her belt and five years as a new human, in no way was that fair. He vibrated from anger, shock, and grief all combined.  
  
Willow hugged him tighter and he appreciated the support. He also, distantly, felt who he assumed in his muffled mind as Giles holding his shoulder but he couldn't see to make sure. His eye was firmly shut and he didn’t want to open it, he liked it that way. It helped him remember.  
  
He remembered three years ago when Anya had confessed her fear of dying, and how he always assured her by telling her that she would live a long and hopefully happy life by his side. He'd kept assuring her even after they'd broken up. But now she was gone. She had faced her most horrifying fear, alone, without him by her side, and now she was dead. He hadn't been there with her. Not when it happened. Not fighting by her side or holding her as she forced out her final breath.  
  
Xander controlled his emotions, drawing on years of practice. He backed away, mentally and physically, from the comfort Willow and Giles were offering. He looked at Willow’s eyes and tried to ask, “H ... how did it …” He breathed heavily, “How did it happen?” He had to know. It was the least he could do.  
  
“Andrew was with her when it happened. I’m sure he knows.”  
  
Xander kept his eye focusing on the increasingly hazy ground. It was hard to look at Willow’s concerned face and not to break down into a blubbering idiot. “Did you find the body?” he asked in an unsteady voice.  
  
“I did,” Giles answered quietly choosing that moment to speak. “After we discovered that the Hellmouth was closed, everyone headed out of the school and Faith and I searched for bodies. That was when I found her... body.” There was no mistaking that Giles’ tone held mourning. Anya had been his partner in the Magic Box; he had a lot of memories with her, working with her, not to mention the many times they fought together whenever something happened as it tended to on the Mouth of Hell.  
  
“How did she… her body look like?” Xander couldn’t hide the slight cringe in his voice when he said those words. He didn’t even know where he found the courage to actually ask that. Did he really want to know the answer?  
  
Giles hesitated, but knew it was Xander’s right to know. “She was …”  
  
“No,” Xander interrupted abruptly changing his mind. He shook his head. “I don’t wanna know.”  
  
Willow nodded understandingly laying a hand on his arm.  
  
Xander flinched but didn't pull away.  
  
The three of them stood silently for a while before Giles coughed awkwardly. “I… I think I shall take what little baggage we have and head inside.”  
  
Xander nodded quietly hardly registering what Giles had said. Giles left quietly, leaving Xander and Willow standing there with her wordlessly comforting him by stroking his arm with a gentle steadiness.  
  
Suddenly a loud screech fell upon their ears.  
  
“Xander!!”  
  
Startled, they turned as one towards the source of that piercing shriek to observe Dawn racing towards them. She threw the bag of groceries she held at an already over loaded Andrew and scurried throwing herself in Xander’s arms with a glad cry. His eye lost some of its deadness as warmth filled it. He held on to her so hard he thought she would break any second, but didn't care.  
  
Dawn looked up at him. "I killed a Bringer," she said with a big grin, though her eyes held a haunting deep pain at what she had been through.  
  
Xander ran his hand through her long silky hair. "Good for you," he whispered with a tender smile.  
  
Willow heaved most of the bags Andrew held. "C'mon, Dawnie," she said. "Let's get inside."  
  
She divided the bags between Dawn and herself, and then guided her to the hotel. Sparing a worried glance at Xander's before letting the entrance door close behind them.  
  
Andrew stood in front of Xander, looking down at his feet. His guilt filled eyes refused to meet Xander's gaze.  
  
“So,” Xander began uneasily. “Willow told me you were there when it happened. Did you see how it…?” he couldn’t finish the sentence. It was still hard referring to Anya as ‘dead’.  
  
Andrew kept his eyes down, unable to look at the other man. He knew what Xander was talking about; he had been dreading this moment for hours. “I … I was scared. I'm sorry.”  
  
Xander frowned at that sentence. “Did you see what happened?” he asked in louder tone, he really wanted to know how she died. It wasn’t how she was killed what he wanted to know; it was how she was when it happened. “I mean was she...” Scared? Was she looking for someone to help her?  
  
Andrew finally looked up, his face set in solemn mask. An expression that Xander had never contemplated seeing on Andrew’s face. “She was incredible. She died saving my life.”  
  
A small smile worked its way onto Xander’s face. She wasn’t scared. She was fighting. She was saving another person’s life. She wasn’t scared. He put his hand on Andrew’s shoulder and nodded. “That's my girl. Always doing the stupid thing.” He smiled to let Andrew know that he was joking.  
  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
The hotel lobby was filled with bustling sounds. Angel thought it was strange, but none the less welcoming. He knew these people… well except that blond kid, Tucker's brother, was it? And even though they all had a rough time back then, he had a feeling that that was all behind them now, along with the closing of the Hellmouth.  
  
Angel frowned and searched the lobby with his eyes. Xander, Willow, Tucker's -er Andrew and Dawn were gathered around William who seemed quite pleased with the attention. His eyes drifted to see Fred and Gunn standing at the reception area discussing whatever takeout they all had agreed on. Those two had just come in a few minutes earlier which was quite enough time to get to know everyone, except a still absent Buffy. At last his eyes got hold of who he was looking for. He pushed away from the wall he had been leaning against and coughed as he stepped into the office from the ajar door. Wesley and Giles raised their heads from reading something on the desk a startled look on their faces.  
  
"Oh, Angel," Giles exclaimed, straightening up and retrieving a handkerchief from his front pocket, he proceeded to wipe his glasses. That action caused Angel to raise an eyebrow because next to Giles, Wesley began doing the same thing. The two noticed the look and turned to each other and in reflex replaced the napkins and the glasses, coughing trying to cover up their embarrassment.  
  
"You wanted something, Angel?" Wesley asked.  
  
Angel nodded. "Yes, the Hellmouth closing?"  
  
They nodded understandingly. Giles explained, "Wesley and I were going through that matter as you came in. It seems like we have it figured out. Perhaps if we can gather the others and explain it to them all would be best."  
  
Angel started to nod before he was interrupted.  
  
"You guys better wait before you give us the boring stuff."  
  
The three looked towards the office door where Xander, holding William in his arms, stood. He inclined his head towards the lobby and the three only then noticed that it was quiet. Taking a couple steps towards the door, Giles peered out. He frowned in puzzlement at the sight of an empty lobby and then turned to Xander. "Where are they?"  
  
Xander jerked his head to the side, indicating the stairs. "Baths. Showers. And clean soap. And maybe a pillow or two. They decided they better cover the basic need for cleanliness and sleep first… we decided to meet tonight after everyone rested and have Chinese and you guys can bore us with whatever lecture-y stuff you got in store."  
  
"When did this happen?" Angel asked.  
  
Xander grinned. "When Dawn went looking for Buffy to ask her what she wanted to eat she found our favorite Slayer all cleaned up and half way to la la land, I guess they chose to follow their leader."  
  
Giles nodded in understanding and massaged his forehead. Xander noticed the lines of stress and weariness on the other man. "Go on, Giles, you need a warm shower and some sleep and you'll be as good as new. There's like a hundred rooms in this place that aren't taken to choose from, it's like a hotel in here," he encouraged with a smile.  
  
Angel rolled his eyes.  
  
Giles wanted to object but a yawn escaped him. "I'm afraid that you have a point, Xander. Very well, we shall meet tonight." He nodded and headed towards the stairs.  
  
The three remaining stood in a somewhat uncomfortable silence between them.  
  
"Um, well, I think it better that I help Cordy with the filing if we want to know where everything is," Wesley said awkwardly breaking the silence.  
  
"I heard that, Mister," Cordelia's screeching could be heard clearly. "You think you can do better?"  
  
Wesley gave them a smile. "I think that's my queue, excuse me." He exited the extra charged room.  
  
Angel and Xander were left looking anywhere but at each other. Xander was rocking on his feet unconsciously trying to calm William who was trying to move around in his arms.  
  
Angel heaved a sigh and opened his mouth to say something, but was stopped in his tracks. He wrinkled his nose, a grimace of distaste on his face. "Do you smell something?"  
  
"Huh?" Xander frowned. "Smell what?"  
  
Angel moved his head, his nose outstretched trying to detect where that ghastly smell was coming from. He was suddenly faced with a cloth clad bottom. He quickly stepped back as if the baby was toxic.  
  
Xander's eye widened in horror when he saw Angel's reaction. He held the baby up to his face and gazed sternly at William. "Did you go _again_?"  
  
The child burbled happily and clapped his hands on Xander's cheeks.  
  
Xander sighed looking at Angel. "At this rate you're gonna have to buy more diapers. God I miss demons that want to only kill you, not make you play nanny with poo."  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

 

  
  
"Okay, stuffy guys, let's have it. I'm hungry and I wanna call for Chinese and I don't need you two making me lose my apatite. This is like my first real meal in two days," Cordelia said in her usual blunt fashion, looking already impatient with both Giles and Wesley, who were just standing there doing nothing but boring them all with silence.  
  
Xander wished that Cordelia would always remain herself; she was unique and lovable in her own way. He didn’t say that out loud; however, because Buffy and Willow had a marble ash tray on the coffee table right in front of them. He wouldn't put it pass one of them to hit him directly on the head. This was a bad thing in itself, but more because Xander had William in his lap. In particular after how Cordelia had scrunched up her nose and made it known that she thought Buffy's clothes were bad and that Willow's hair was stinking up the place because she chose to sleep instead of showering earlier that day like everyone else then opted not to miss Giles and Wesley's lecture deciding talking then the long awaited shower after that.  
  
They were gathered in the library-slash-lounge, which Gunn had proudly announced puffing his chest that he was fixing up. Xander noted the possibilities in the room, mainly the busted up old book cases and a reading desk which created half the room and the other half was made up of a two large couches in a corner with the glass coffee table in the middle.  
  
Xander had barely held himself from offering his assistance and advice to Gunn. He missed working with his hands after losing his left eye. Unconsciously, he knew from the moment he met Gunn that they would quickly become friends and that his new friend wouldn't mind but in fact appreciate another handy-man in the building. Xander envisioned them male bonding over hammers and nails and held back a chuckle. He sobered up remembering what stopped him from offering in the first place. He knew the project Gunn had in mind was going to take a lengthy amount of time to be complete. And he wasn't sure that he was staying that long.  
  
The sudden twinkle of sadness confused him. Why would he be upset about leaving, especially since he had only been here for a mere two days? He quickly pushed down the uneasy feeling and chose to focus on Giles and Wesley. The two men were nearly vibrating from suppressed excitement.  
  
"Jeez, guys, let it out already or we're gonna have to clean up the mess," Buffy groused, adding a teasing smile to show she was just joking.  
  
"Um, yes, quite right, Miss Summers, um Buffy." Wesley straightened his glasses.  
  
Xander couldn’t believe how flustered Wesley got around Buffy. It seemed like her presence conjured up echoes of his old self. Xander snickered when he caught Wesley flustering upon seeing Fred giving him a two thumbed sign. Helplessly, he turned to Giles, who was standing by his side, for assistance.  
  
Giles smiled in understanding. "I believe you all know why we are gathering?" he started.  
  
"You want to tell us how Spike who was a vampyre closed the Hellmouth and become a human toddler!" Andrew answered excitedly. He blinked in confusion when he saw everyone looking at him with blank looks. He pouted. "Well, he asked," he mumbled.  
  
"Uh, yes," Giles said with distaste. "I, as some of you might already know, have developed a theory about the unexpected closing of the Hellmouth. I thought that it had a strong connection to do with the amulet Angel had given Buffy who in turn had given it to Spike. In fact after reviewing some things with Wesley we have come to believe that in all truth Spike has willingly changed for the cause."  
  
He stopped talking anticipating their reactions. The silence seemed to stretch for hours. Suddenly a storm of questions and unidentifiable speech erupted. That lasted a few seconds before a low, animalistic growl put a stop to it.  
  
"Enough!"  
  
Xander gaped when they saw who it was; even William let Tigger's tail slip out of his mouth in shock of the exclamation. Angel had on a hard look as he gazed around the room and faced their looks with a straight face as if it was of the norm.  
  
He turned his pensive eyes towards the two watchers. "Explain."  
  
Giles took a deep breath to calm him; apparently that was too close to Angelus for his comfort. In hindsight, speaking so impulsively may not be the wisest choice of actions.  
  
"Sorry… well, as many of you are aware, some from previous experience, opening the Hellmouth needs a strong influx of power."  
  
Xander nodded, a shudder running through his body as he remembered some of the many evils that they had faced who wanted to open the Mouth of Hell and unleash its venom upon the earth.  
  
"The same process applies to closing it. But since the Hellmouth was somewhat open thus attracting all sorts of unsavory creatures, it was fairly easier than closing it. Closing it completely, without leaving any room for random destructive power to try to open again, it required a stronger energy source. Unfortunately, even for the side of Good, there had to be a sacrifice… and Spike made it willingly."  
  
Cordelia shook her head at Giles. "But that's where it doesn't fit in, why would Spike do it? If it were Angel I would get it, but I knew Spike and he… "  
  
"Spike isn't the same vampire you knew, Cordelia," Buffy muttered.  
  
"Of course, _you'd_ say that," Cordelia retorted.  
  
"If you stopped looking at yourself for one minute and listened, you would have heard what great things Spike had done even before he had a soul," Dawn said heatedly, earning a scary look from Cordelia.  
  
"Cat fight later… this is not as boring as I had dreaded." Buffy looked at both of them with warning in her eyes. Surprisingly, they relented and leaned back from their staring competition.  
  
"Thank you, Buffy," Giles said dryly.  
  
Buffy grinned. "You're welcome."  
  
"When Cordelia had, politely I might add, interrupted, I was going to explain that statement. In researching the texts that Wesley had retrieved from Wolfram  & Hart, we found that the amulet had a specific purpose. Yes, it was meant to be worn by a someone ensouled, but stronger than human, a champion, to function correctly, but what it was failed to be mentioned was that it was specially made to be worn by a creature that possessed both human and demon aspects…"  
  
"Which fit this Spike dude since he was a vampire; demon possessing a human body who happened to be soul-ed," Gunn supplied getting on track.  
  
Wesley nodded. "Exactly," he said then looked at Giles who gestured for him to continue. "You see what was more important, and actually very intriguing, was that this amulet was made by a half-breed good warlock who made it especially for this cause."  
  
"So no way I could've used it?" Buffy asked. "It had to be either Angel or Spike?"  
  
Wesley nodded and shook his head at the same time which was quite a task. "I'm afraid neither you nor Angel could have used it… the only one who had fit the prophecy was Spike."  
  
"Whoa, there was a prophecy? On Spike?" Xander beat Angel to ask the question.  
  
"Oh, have we not mentioned that?" Wesley looked at Giles who shrugged. "Actually he had one on him, and no, it's not the Shanshu." He looked at the Scoobies and said, "Don't ask."  
  
Xander opened his mouth but received a silencing glance from Angel and had complied without hesitation.  
  
"In the prophecy, it was said that whoever wears the amulet would help the slayer in her final battle with the First Evil. In closing the Hellmouth, it was cleansed. But what I failed to realize before, and with Rupert's assistance, we found that Spike's choice was imperative for the prophecy to be fulfilled. I mean by his choice, I'm referring to both the soul and the demon. That is why Angel couldn't be the one.”  
  
Everyone turned their heads and looked at Angel, realization clear in their eyes. Angel shrunk back in his perch on the desk at their scrutiny and mumbled, "It's true. Angelus wouldn’t have agreed."  
  
Xander returned them to the topic that he most cared about, namely not Angel. "What about this reward thing? Is there anything more to it?"  
  
Giles stepped up to answer that, "Strange that you would ask that Xander. In our research we have discovered that something similar to this event had happened before. Some thousand and plus years ago, several people turned their back on their evil ways and gave their lives for fighting the good fight. The Powers That Be, as a reward, gave them back their life. By that I mean, they returned them to the age of an infant. A time where they would have lived their lives differently, in a better way, free of their past memories. When they reach the age where they have passed away, their memory would be returned. Thus the person would have the right to choose their path. Good versus evil."  
  
"That's horrible!" Eyes locked on Willow who blushed. "Well, I mean, they live all their life knowing one thing then all of a sudden they face another life where the were bad. It a little overwhelming is all I think."  
  
"The powers are kind of unique in that department," Angel said with a sigh. "That means Spike, William, is going to regain his memory twenty nine years from now."  
  
"Why then? He's like over a hundred years old, right?" Fred asked looking at Wesley for confirmation.  
  
"Yes, Fred. But Angel is correct, if William, the human Spike, had died in that age I mean," Wesley replied, looking at Angel who nodded.  
  
"Yes, that's how old he was when Dru brought him to me, plus the year Will is now," Angel answered distractedly as he found himself in another place and time where Drusilla was all so happy because of her lovely boy. He shook his head to bring himself back when he felt his heart long for easier times.  
  
"Then human William died when he was thirty," Xander commented, not only surprising everyone else but even himself, for paying attention. "So he's not a whatcha-ma-call-it, dhampir? He's a human?" he asked remembering his conversation with Angel that seemed a long time ago.  
  
Giles shook his head. "No, he is not a dhampir that we are sure of. He is more likely a human. But the texts about the previous incidents weren't very clear on what they were."  
  
Xander nodded, accepting what Giles was saying, yet somehow also relieved that Will wasn’t a dhampir. He unconsciously pulled William closer.  
  
"In short, Spike's a hero. He saved the world and got himself a reward for his trouble," Buffy said, summarizing what Giles and Wesley had said in her own way.  
  
Angel looked down at the baby on Xander's lap and he felt a case of loss for words. He didn't know whether to be proud of what Spike had accomplished or become jealous that Spike had saved the world instead of him. So he chose the first because it was true. Besides, he was relieved that his Shanshu was still up for grabs.  
  
"Well, is that all then?" Cordelia asked, standing up. When she got no answer she clapped her hands. "Good it's about time. I'm calling for Chinese." She headed rapidly for the door just in case someone decided to start talking again.  
  
Gunn and Fred followed her with a grin. Andrew was right on their tracks. "I'll help. I know how to speak Chinese."  
  
Willow jumped up. "I want egg rolls, wooden chopsticks and noodles," she called out. A few hair strands fell on her face and she grimaced. "But first a clean shower, sheesh Cordelia was right, I stink."  
  
Buffy followed her with Dawn at her side. "Maybe, but she wasn't right about my outfit."  
  
Giles and Wesley collected their books and exited still conversing. . That only left Angel, Xander and William still in the room. Angel pushed off the desk and stood in front of Xander.  
  
"You coming?" he asked. "You don't want to be late if the food comes, Fred and Gunn eat like five people and Fred is three of them."  
  
Xander looked up and couldn't help smile. "You joked, you have changed." He scratched his head. "I'll be out in a minute… just need to collect my thoughts."  
  
Angel nodded and moved towards the door. He stopped and turned. "I'll tell you when the food is here." He smiled softly then left.  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
Sitting on the sofa in the library, Xander wasn’t sure how to feel about what he had heard. Should he be happy that William was officially one hundred percent human or should he feel upset because he would turn into Spike after twenty-nine years from now? It wasn't that William would turn into a vampire; he would still be a human when he'd become thirty. That wasn't what was upsetting Xander, but was the fact that once William got Spike's memories he would gain his personality as well. He would be a human Spike.  
  
Why should that upset him? It wasn't like he really cared about him. Maybe he did a little, but that was because he was a baby. People could not just dislike babies.  
  
He looked down at the blond head that was bending down to play with the Tigger doll in his hands. Or to tear it up? William was tugging lustily on the sturdy, well-made doll.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Xander looked up and saw Willow walking through the library doors.  
  
She sat beside him, which was when he noticed her glistening wet hair pulled up in a pony tail and could smell shampoo wafting from her closeness.  
  
"That was one quick shower," Xander commented glancing at her hair.  
  
Willow frowned in confusion. "I've been in the shower for over thirty minutes. Since the meeting of 'All That Is Good' was adjourned, didn't you notice?"  
  
"Guess I haven't." Xander shrugged faintly. Since the meeting had ended and everyone left the library, he hadn't moved from his spot on the couch. He had distractedly played with William on his lap while his mind tried to process what Giles and Wesley had revealed… apparently over half an hour ago.  
  
Spike, both demon and soul, had chosen to sacrifice himself for them all. He was meant to die as a sacrifice to cleanse the Hellmouth and close it for all time. He was awarded a second chance at life because of his selfless act. A fresh start and a clean slate.  
  
What surprised Xander the most wasn't that Spike had chosen with a clear mind to die for the world, that didn't mean it hadn’t surprised him a little but not much for he had fought shoulder to shoulder with Spike after Buffy died, but that he was rewarded for it. It was a first for any of them. They had fought for over seven years for the forces of Good. Yet all they received was pain and the death of loved ones, Jesse, Miss Calendar, Tara, and Buffy for sometime.  
  
Anya.  
  
What was the point? Yes, there was the satisfaction of doing the right thing but a little recognition would have been nice. All Xander knew was that Spike was one lucky bastard, he had the chance to start from square one and do it right.  
  
Xander ran his fingers through William's short blond hair and sighed. The Hellmouth was closed now. Maybe this is when they'd start to cash in their rewards too.  
  
Willow couldn’t help but bend down and baby-talk with William which brought Xander out of his reflection. He smiled at his best friend and joined her in baby-talking. William’s reaction was to giggle and gurgle, obviously happy with the two playing with him.  
  
Willow looked up at Xander. “I just can’t believe that this baby is actually Spike,” she exclaimed in amusement.  
  
“Yeah, all this cuteness can’t be a Spike thing,” Xander mumbled. His tone didn’t match the way his fingers played with the honey curls.  
  
Willow gave him a worried look. “How are you holding up?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“With Anya’s death? Are you okay?” Willow asked, remembering how he reacted earlier that day before to she'd left him to speak with Andrew.  
  
Xander looked down again at William. He was trying to avoid thinking about Anya, at least until William was a sleep. He knew he would break down and he didn’t like to cry in front of anyone. Of all the humiliation he had over the years, having everyone witnessing him crying would be the level where he would lose all his macho points.  
  
“I’m coping,” he whispered answering her.  
  
Willow ran her hand over his arm consolingly. He smiled sadly, appreciating the support. After a little while of silence, Willow asked, “Are you coming with us?”  
  
“Of course, I’ll go to Ahn's funeral along with the others. You think since we broke up that I …”  
  
“No, Xander,” she cut him off, shaking her head. “I meant when we leave for Europe. Are you coming with us?”  
  
Xander blinked. “Europe?”  
  
“Yeah, since they’re shutting down Sunnydale, we’ll be going to London with Giles. We’ll be looking for the new slayers all over the world. We're gonna build our Central on the place of the Watchers' Council; I heard the lease is less 'cause of the explosion. I’m asking you, since I’ve seen how attached you are to William. I was guessing that …”  
  
“What? That I’m not gonna be there for you 'cause of a baby-sitting job?” Xander couldn’t help the accusing tone in his voice and rocked William automatically when he felt the child start to fret.  
  
“I didn’t say that,” Willow assured him. “It's just that it's all still blue print there. Only Giles and I will be finding books that haven't been lost in the explosion and the scattered watchers that didn't die. As for Buffy and Dawn I think they'll mostly take a break and sightsee. And, so, it won't be a big a deal if you chose not to come with now, especially that you seem to be bonding with Spike-baby."  
  
Xander looked down and picked up Piglet waving it in front of William until the baby slapped it away which caused him to chuckle at the expected reaction.  
  
Willow sighed. She was glad that some of Xander’s tension melted. “So… you’re coming?”  
  
Xander's eye didn't leave William, who noticed him looking and gave him a cute baby grin. He obviously did about William, but did he care much that he would be parted from his friends? At first it wasn’t that big of a deal, they had been in Sunnydale and he could visit them on the weekends or have them visit. It wasn’t that far. But now it was different. They would be in Europe, a long distance away. He couldn't just hop into a car and visit.  
  
“Maybe,” he whispered not sure what his final answer was.  
  
"Chinese is here!"  
  
Xander jumped in his seat, looking at Angel who stood by the library door. Willow squealed with delight and trotted out of the library, but Xander couldn't move. The look in Angel's eyes made him freeze in place. Could it be possible that Angel heard his conversation with Willow?  
  
Angel gestured toward the dining room. "You coming?"  
  
Xander nodded silently.  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
"Hey, give that back!"  
  
Dawn turned to Xander. "I just wanted to play."  
  
"Tigger is Will's new friend; you won't be able to come between them." They were hanging in Xander's room and playing with William on Xander's bed. "Although he comes second best to the Duster come bed time, it's a sure way to calm him. Thankfully, our little stripped pal and Will are now so attached that we don't need to haul the duster everywhere making sure it was clean because the little one had a passion of chewing stuff with his toothless gums."  
  
Dawn giggled, looking at William hugging the stuffed animal. That was when William raised his head and blinked his big blue eyes at her. Silence filled the room as they stared at each other.  
  
Xander frowned and looked between the two. He noticed Dawn biting her bottom lip, her face a mirror of sadness and regret.  
  
He placed his hand on hers. "Dawn?"  
  
She started and looked at him, her face stricken. "I never tried to patch things up," she said with a choked whispered.  
  
Xander leaned in wanting to question her, but she turned away to continue looking at William who still found her interesting. "He has his eyes." She chuckled bitterly. "'Course he does, it's him, right? Or that's what I got from the retired Englishman seminar."  
  
"In a way," Xander replied sulkily. "But he's an innocent child until he gets back Spike's memories." He paused a little. "Until then he's just Will."  
  
Dawn turned wide suffering eyes toward him. "But that's so far away… he has to know how much I wanna work things out with him."  
  
Xander shook his head. "You lost me at the starting line, Dawn. Patch things up?"  
  
She looked down, ashamed. "When you told me about… what he did… when he came back I threatened him… I told him to stay away from Buffy or I would set him on fire…"  
  
Xander squeezed her hand. "Well, he deserved it…" He was cut off when Dawn snatched her hand away from his hold and looked at him with anger, directed both at him and her.  
  
"But we didn’t know. You know he was there when Buffy died; he took care of me and helped us. I should've tried harder to understand…" She took a deep breath. "He was suffering after he got his soul back and even when I found out about it, I still wouldn't talk with him. I didn't even bother to ask. To know."  
  
"Know what? Dawn, we know more than plenty about what he…"  
  
"We don't!" she yelled to cut him off, then continued with a low tone, "We don't. The only one who knows is Buffy, and you know her. Sealed lips."  
  
Xander exhaled. "Look, I admit, he did change. And… I trust Buffy's judgment. I do, but…" He looked at her. "I can't forget the look on Buffy's eyes that night when he'd tried to hurt her, I can't."  
  
Dawn nodded. "I know, but that was before he got his soul."  
  
Xander chuckled humorlessly and shook his head. "What is it with you Summers’ thinking a soul would make a person evil-less? Vampires are vampires, even with souls."  
  
Dawn frowned. "Really? Then why are you being all friendly with another vampire with a soul that we all know?"  
  
"I'm not being friendly with Angel," Xander protested. "I'm not," he repeated at the look she gave him.  
  
Dawn shook her head. "Spike had been there for Buffy after she came back from heaven. He was there for her, I know that much."  
  
Xander felt a strong pang of guilt hit him. The reminder of bringing back Buffy always made his chest ache with disgust. He could have stopped Willow if he wasn't too weak to believe her unreasonable excuses.  
  
He looked at a silent Dawn, still wrapped up in her regret and sorrow. He couldn't bear watch her like this, so he placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's not hopeless you know," he said, trying to ease her heartache. "According to Giles and Mini-Giles, Spike will be back in," he looked at his wristwatch. "Twenty-nine years give or take a few."  
  
Dawn scrunched her nose. "That means I'll be like very old by then. I'd be senile and will forget to tell him."  
  
Xander laughed out loud and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. "Don't worry. I think Spike knows you were just being an upset kid."  
  
"Hey." Dawn slapped at him but he ducked so she picked a pillow and slammed it into him.  
  
William turned his eyes from one brunet to the other and then puffed his face. They weren't paying him any attention and that wouldn't do. There was only one thing left to do…  
  
"Da!" Add a pair of unblinking huge baby blue eyes.  
  
"GOD! Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?" Dawn squealed and pinched William's cheek. "You're adorable aren't you, yes you are."  
  
Xander shook his head with a chuckle. "Will's a babe magnet. I'm thinking long afternoons in the park with baby blue eyes here and I'll get me a harem."  
  
Dawn sighed and brought her face closer to the baby's level. "You better not help your dad find a date or Angel has to call us so we'd come and save him from getting killed. Again."  
  
"Hey, I resent that." Dawn raised her eyebrows at the denial. Xander nodded in affirmation. "Yeah, _you_ never saved me."  
  
Dawn tapped her finger. "Time will tell."  
  
"Will, defend my honor." Xander looked at him for assistance.  
  
William ignored him and continued playing with Dawn's hair. Dawn gave Xander a triumphed look and stuck out her tongue.  
  
Xander shrugged. "You better watch out for those pretty locks of yours, he's a sucker for… well, sucking."  
  
"You're just jealous that he chose my side."  
  
"As if. I'm his dada, tell her, William." Xander's laughter died when he noticed a shadow of a man on the ajar door that disappeared promptly. Could it be Angel? Was he eavesdropping again? Anger started coming inside him in waves. Angel had overstepped his boundaries and needed a good talking to.  
  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
Since everyone loved Chinese, they were having it again for lunch. This time Andrew was allowed to practice his Chinese language which almost got them all raw squid and sake. Thankfully, Wesley was there to save the day, however, everyone was devastated when it was established that the Chinese place didn't deliver sake.  
  
Xander kept eying Angel throughout lunch, trying to send a message with his glaring eye that he was on to him, but Angel's face was hidden behind his video camera as he taped every move William made.  
  
Everyone was seated around the table in the dining room except Will who was seated directly on the table. During the meal, Xander noticed Angel, who refrained from eating on the grounds that he was a vampire, videotaping William as he enjoyed his food, or played with it at least.  
  
"Angel, what are you doing?" Cordelia asked fussing with her hair when she saw the camcorder.  
  
Angel answered sheepishly, "Well, look at him."  
  
"So you like cute things now?" Cordelia asked with a raised eyebrow. He only glared at her from behind the lens. He got an eye roll for his trouble.  
  
Giles was seated next to Xander, who was directly in front of William. After the little child finished dissecting his food, he started staring at Giles' plate. He was sitting an inch too close to for Giles' taste. William reached out and took an egg roll off the plate. Ignoring Giles' protest, he started sucking on it. Giles glared at him whilst the women and Angel 'ooh-ed' and 'aah-ed'.  
  
"I'm starting to think that this is his way of revenge," Giles said, still eyeing his lost egg roll.  
  
"Probably," Buffy said, shooting him a knowing look.  
  
Giles caught eyes and looked down at his place in shame.  
  
"Something's wrong, Giles?" Xander asked, noticing the tension between them.  
  
Giles' lips parted, about to answer, when Buffy cut it, "Don't worry about it, Xander. We're okay." She cast Giles and reassuring smile and he smiled back gratefully.  
  
Xander shrugged and hastily stopped William from throwing an egg roll at Giles' clean shirt.  
  
"So, Xander," Willow said suddenly. "Did you decide if you were coming with us after tomorrow's services?"  
  
Xander hesitated in giving his answer, conflicting emotions battling inside him. William turned his head to Xander's direction and noticed his worry. He turned and crawled slowly on all fours until he was sitting diaper clad tushie and all directly on Xander's empty plate. Xander opened his mouth intending to question William about his presence on his plate be it empty or not. His mouth remained open, no words coming out when William's eyes looked up at him with such adoration. William opened his mouth letting the droll covered egg roll slip out. A chubby hand was extended holding out the soaking roll towards Xander. A small sound came out of the child's mouth,  
  
"Da da."  
  
A moment of silence fell before a several set of 'Aww's were heard from all over the table. Xander felt misty-eyed. He took the offering careful of the wetness and placed it on a napkin before picking up the baby for a loving hug. Angel circled the two, camera still covering his face. To anyone who didn't know him, he gave the impression of a professional, hard at work.  
  
Angel pulled back the camcorder to say, "Now that was cute." And quickly resumed taping.  
  
Xander put Will down on the table, already made his decision. “I am staying,” he announced loudly for everybody to hear. Angel lowered the camera looking at Xander with astonishment. A feeling which was not only matched by the Sunnydale crew but doubled as their mouths fell open.  
  
Willow looked at him in disbelief. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”  
  
Xander looked at her with a smile. “Yes, I am. I mean, he calls me ‘Dada’ for God's sake!”  
  
“Da da!” William exclaimed reaffirming what Xander said. He picked up another egg roll this time from Willow's takeout, which was in his short arms reach, and held it out to Xander, knowing that it had his Dada’s approval.  
  
Xander chuckled fondly. “Thanks, Will,” he said, accepting the offering of egg roll. He was thankful that this one was slob free, and threw it whole in his mouth. William giggled and reached to take one more egg roll. Apparently, he wouldn't stop until the takeout was empty.  
  
“So, you’re staying?” a voice behind him asked.  
  
Xander turned around to be greeted by Angel’s somewhat pleased expression, though Xander knew that Angel was having a hard time holding it in.  
  
"Something wrong with your vamp-boy ears?" he asked with raised eyebrows.  
  
Angel's response was a dopey grin before taking no time in replacing the camera in front of his face and continued recording William, who was still holding out a treat to Xander's irritation.  
  
Hours later, everyone was watching what Angel taped on the library TV. Everyone gave out big 'Aww's when they saw Xander reading a _Goofy and Max_ story to William as a bed time story and what made them all laugh was that Xander was actually imitating the voices of the characters of _Goof Troop_ , or at least trying to.  
  
“When did you tape this?” Xander exclaimed amazed.  
  
Angel grinned. “I saw Dawn leaving your room yesterday and I knew something sweet would happen."  
  
Xander narrowed his eye at him.  
  
Angel looked confused.  
  
Eventually, Xander just let it go. “You bet. I'm always sweet."  
  
Cordelia poked him in the side. "I think he was talking about the baby."  
  
Xander stuck his tongue out at her. Cordelia blinked. "Oh, my mistake," she said before turning back to look at the television.  
  
Afterwards, there was shot of William crawling then failing to stand up before falling on his bottom. His face puffed up in annoyance at his failure and the crowd went wild with the adorableness of it all.  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
"So you're sure you'll be okay?" Xander asked anxiously for what seemed to be the millionth time.  
  
Angel rolled his eyes. "Yes, Xander. William's dislike for me was a phase. We're as happy as hens in a henhouse."  
  
Xander shook his head, getting sidetracked by that odd comment. "I don't know about that. I never knew what that meant. Why would they be happy trapped…"  
  
"Xander," Angel interrupted him startling William in his arms. Angel fixed his hold on William before continuing. "You're only gonna be gone for one day. I know how to take care of a baby."  
  
Xander frowned. "How would you? It's not like you ever had a baby of your own. Or did you?" He looked interested while Angel fidgeted. "I know you never married when you were human… but who knows perhaps you knocked up an unsuspecting maiden, hmm?"  
  
Angel sighed. "No. Xander, the others are waiting and I don't like standing in the doorway less than a meter away from direct sunlight. Now tell Will you'll see him soon and go pay your respects," he ordered exasperatedly.  
  
"Fine. But I better not come back home and find that the little one lost half his body weight from starvation. You know where the baby food is, right?"  
  
Angel banged his head against the wooden door frame. The question almost squashed the funny feeling Angel got in his stomach when Xander said 'home.' He stopped banging his head which caused William to stop giggling at his actions.  
  
"I know where everything is, Xander. I've watched you take care of Will for two days and even passed the emergency diaper change drill you gave me with an A+ if I remember correctly, not to mention William actually finished his meal on _my_ watch. Now go." Angel pushed at Xander with one free arm while still holding on to William.  
  
"Okay, okay, bye Will. See ya soon!" Xander kissed William's golden head.  
  
"Da!"  
  
Angel and Xander grinned at each other.  
  
"Oh, isn't that sweet. It's like mommy and baby are saying their goodbyes to daddy who's going on a trip," Cordelia chuckled from behind them.  
  
Xander and Angel magically conjured a distance between each other and managed not to kill Cordelia… for the sake of innocent eyes.  
  
Xander and Angel exchanged quick manly goodbyes before Xander picked his overnight bag and headed for the street. At the curb there were two taxies. Willow, Buffy and Xander were to take the first one and Giles, Dawn and Andrew the second. Instead of going to his taxi, Xander stopped next to Andrew who was loading luggage.  
  
"Andrew."  
  
Andrew raised his head then quickly looked away when he saw who it was. "Oh, hi, Xander."  
  
Xander placed his hand on his shoulder, encouraging him to look at him. "Listen, man, you're gonna look after them all for me, okay? They’re my girls and Giles is like the old man I wish I had… I trust you to take my place. Do you think you can handle it?"  
  
Andrew opened and closed his mouth for several seconds before any sound came out, it was safe to say he was in shock. "Y-yeah, you bet!" He nodded vigorously a large grin on his face. "I'll try not to disappoint you."  
  
Xander patted his shoulder. "I trust you not to." They both headed to their respective cars before Xander yelled back, "Oh, I never do lame jokes. So, start improving your sense of wit."  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
A day later, Xander found himself back in the hotel courtesy of a nice taxi driver who was too drunk to ask him for money. However, Xander didn't know that when he drove off with him.  
  
Xander walked in his room feeling drained as he sat his small bag on the floor and yawned with exhaustion. He just got back from Sunnydale where Willow, Buffy, Dawn, Giles, Andrew and himself attended Anya's funeral along with Amanda's and that Chinese's girl whom he just knew that her name was Chao-Ahn. He knew that the other young slayers would've wanted to be there with them in the small funeral, but they were needed in Cleveland.  
  
He didn't mind the small number of them. It was nice to have only the people he cared about there with him when he was down. Anya was buried next to Joyce's and Tara's grave, a place where he, Buffy and Willow might visit together in the future. The thing that got to him was the quietness in Sunnydale; the town was never like this. Empty. Lifeless. Lonely.  
  
He still hadn’t cried or even shed a single tear since Willow had told him about Anya's death three days before. He couldn't, not with everybody being around him every single second. He considered crying alone in his room before they left to Sunnydale but with William asleep a few feet away from his bed, it was impossible. He didn't even have the opportunity to cry all the way to L.A. since Willow insisted on riding with him in his cab all the way before joining the others in theirs. When they reached L.A, Willow and the others would head off to Cleveland. And there they wanted to make sure all was going smoothly before taking the next plane to London. It was all so tiring, just thinking about it made him want to lie down and sleep.  
  
Grabbing his bag from the floor, he placed it on the bed. He frowned, looking towards the bathroom door. He was sure he heard sounds something from there. Ever the slayerette, he picked up a trusty baseball bat that was resting against his closet. He would have to ask someone about that. Slowly he opened the door, the bat raised high, only to stand flabbergasted.  
  
Angel, the big fearsome towering vampire, was in the bathtub with a baby William. A bathtub filled with bubbles and a flouting yellow rubber ducky. But that wasn't what shocked Xander, who had seen more than a man three times his age, what shocked him was that the two plus century old vampire was singing a song about a rubber ducky. Xander was sure he heard that song some years ago on Sesame Street as a child.  
  
He stood by the door and a smile of amusement took the place of his shocked expression. It grew bigger.  
  
Angel suddenly looked up and noticed the bat with a raised eyebrow. "Had a tough time on the 'closed' Hellmouth?"  
  
Xander looked at the still posed 'weapon' and placed it against the wall.  
  
He could handle this. He'd seen a demon with its head between its legs singing jingle bells for God's sake.  
  
Xander placed a grin one his face. "Nope, Hell free Sunnydale," and resumed grinning in silence, repeating his inner mantra.  
  
Angel waved his hand at the large tub, in silent invitation. "Care to join us?" The question came out calm, but Xander didn't doubt that Angel had chosen to take the manly way and pretend he was not embarrassed or fazed that he was caught in a bubble bath with a child, a yellow duck and singing a song from a children's TV show. _What better to show how cool you are by asking the one who found you, to join you? Spread the embarrassment around, there was plenty enough to go around,_ Xander thought. He was sure that inside Angel was so embarrassed he probably considered dunking his head under the water the moment Xander came in.  
  
"Thanks," said Xander. "But the vision is torture enough."  
  
He couldn’t help but notice how the water was rising and falling over Angel's chest leaving some bubbles on its wake that surrounded the hard nipples. Of course, studly bodies were reserved for the undead, Xander begrudged silently.  
  
"How was the funeral?”  
  
Xander shrugged uneasily. "It was hard, but well… okay. It was okay."  
  
Angel nodded and then pointed at him, trying to get William's attention from trying to open his mouth wide enough to accommodate the duck. "Hey, look there Wil. Look whose back."  
  
William finally noticed him and splattered more water into the bathroom's floor with excitement. "Da! Da!"  
  
Xander grinned goofily and walked forwards, tapping William's wet head. "Hey there, little one. You obviously missed me."  
  
After a few minutes, a heavy silence invaded the room; even William was getting tired and stopped splashing and playing. To cut the quietness Angel coughed, and looking up at Xander, he gestured at the baby in his lap. "I think we should get him to bed."  
  
Xander nodded slowly. "Yeah, I feel tired, too."  
  
"You should get some sleep."  
  
"Think I'm gonna go change for bed," Xander said, standing mutely and leaving the bathroom. Weird feelings were washing over him, making him feel, well, weird. He felt a sense of relief he arrived to the hotel safely, a overwhelming sense of joy at seeing William again, and a sense of excitement that he'd be seeing him tomorrow. He was also disturbed by the fact that parting from his friends for what seemed to be a very long time didn't depress him as much as he thought.  
  
Those feelings frightened him a little, and all he could do to avoid them was lying in bed and escaping to a deep, hopefully dreamless sleep.  
  
  


~*~*~*~


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

 

  
  
"Yeah, Will, that's it. Just a couple of steps to go. C'mon," Xander encouraged Will, who was slowly walking towards him, barely keeping his balance.   
  
William was eagerly trying to reach his Dada's open arms. Unfortunately, he fell on his butt before he reached his goal. William pouted up wide-eyed at Dada and raised his small arms, with a little whimper, desperate to be picked up. Xander sighed in disappointment and lifted him up.   
  
Giggling, as if his plan was achieved, Will reached up pulled at the 'beloved' eye patch before letting go making it smack against Xander's face. William squealed at the sound. Xander, used to this game by now, smiled with a wince.  
  
"Hey, Angel's got himself some new clients?"   
  
Startled, Xander turned towards the cheery sound, and then his eye widened with fear. He clutched Will to his chest and held on tightly, because; by the Hyperion entrance stood the most horrifying demon he had ever seen, and he had seen his share. It was green skinned with small red horns on its head, a pointy nose and chin, and that was all fine and dandy… a step up from half the demons he had met and had tried to kill him… BUT this one had the brightest clothes ever. So bright that Xander feared his only eye would go blind too, not to mention, that the somewhat lime gold suit completely clashed with the green complexion.   
  
Xander finally overlooked at the frightening attire, to stare into the red eyes of the demon who was frowning with… concern?  
  
He realized that this wasn't the time to find out. William's wellbeing was within a stone's throw.  
  
Xander shook his head. It wasn't the time to figure out analogies.   
  
"Angel!" he yelled to the office door. "There's a green demon with radioactive clothes at the door!"  
  
Instantly, Angel came rushing from the library to the rescue.   
  
"Hurry, Angel, I'll distract him. You take Will and run."  
  
Angel stopped mid lunge, turning with a puckered brow towards Xander. "Why am I the one to run?"  
  
"Chat later. Take Will and go." Xander inched closer but his gaze still bored into the intruder.   
  
The green demon chuckled, moving forward. "Who's this flustered cutey, Angel-Cakes?"  
  
Xander blinked. "Angel-Cakes?" he whispered, turning to look at Angel. "You're his cake? You swing that way with shiny green demons now? Why didn't you tell me?" He glared at Angel, inching away, as he started planning run away with Will. He was not going to let the kid live with Angel and his green baby-eating demon lover.   
  
There was no doubt that demons with funny clothes loved to eat babies, Xander thought of Olaf. He narrowed his eye, checking the demon for a large hammer.   
  
He heard Angel sighing. "This is Lorne, Xander. He's a peaceful demon who likes to call people by pastry names. _And_ we're not together."  
  
"Yeah, Chocolate-Cake, unfortunately." Lorne smiled at Xander, already dubbing him with nickname.  
  
Xander strangely or not had relaxed when Angel explained the new arrival in his tormented vampire bored tones. As a true native Sunnydalian, he went with the flow. "So… if I'm Chocolate-Cake, what's Gunn?"  
  
"Gunn's Kiwi," Lorne said, grinning. "But I don't call him that way much. He's mostly Gunn, Charles and Charlie or Charlie-boy on a good day. He's an angry fellow. Don't wanna get on his bad side. His posse had wrecked my club once, not that I wasn't used to it by then, but I'm not gonna tempt him."  
  
"What about him? Aren't you worried he'd run havoc in your club?" Xander pointed at Angel.   
  
"Nah, he won't. He's already too guilty about the first two. Of course, Gunn's should count as number three, but since Tall Dark and Broods-some had saved my and Fredykins' lives… he's off the hook there."  
  
Xander hummed and nodded, interested.   
  
Angel rolled his eyes.   
  
"And what do we have here?" He grinned down at the child in Xander's arms. William squealed when Xander held him up for Lorne to see. "My, aren't you the true definition of baby blue eyes." Lorne tickled William's tummy, and he gurgled happily at the fresh attention.  
  
Lorne looked at him with a wink. "Why don't you give us a note, sugar, so I'd be fully informed, huh?"  
  
Xander frowned. "What?"  
  
Angel explained, "Lorne reads people's auras when they sing. He sort of sees their path, past, present and future."   
  
Xander's eye seemed interested before it clouded. He didn't really want to know his future. What if he was going to lose Will? What if Will was going to turn out…?  
  
"Don't need anyone to give me and Will's fortune." He looked between the two and stepped towards the stairs with William's head tucked protectively under his chin. "He needs a change." And without any further explanation he went up the stairs.   
  
  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
Lorne didn't expect to come back and find more members in their small, tight family. Having a child in the hotel would brighten their life wonderfully, especially after losing Connor. He watched Angel looking at Xander ascending silently with calculating eyes. Lorne didn't need to ask any questions as Angel turned to him and explained everything that had happened with shortness that was worthy of him. Lorne gazed deeply into Angel, causing the vampire to feel somewhat uncomfortable but obviously keeping himself from flinching. Lorne nodded, satisfied, before heading up the hotel stairs himself.  
  
On his way to his dwellings, Lorne had stopped near Connor's old room. A soft voice singing could be heard through the slightly ajar door. Lorne couldn't help but listen. Sad childhood memories passed before his seeing eyes, a crying child who couldn't understand why his mommy and daddy weren't as cheerful as those kids' parents in sitcoms.   
  
The child's life wasn't that bad though, it needed only two kids to make it better. He followed as memories of the three little children growing up with grins on their innocent faces not aware of what life had in store for them.   
  
Losing one of those two best friends to the beasts of nightmare come to being had made life so clear for young Xander. Lorne could see, even after he searched deeply, only two colors in the human's mind, black and white, fighting heatedly every chance they had for blending.   
  
No gray. No silver lining.   
  
A vision like an old torn photograph, flashed in his head at the end, separated into the two so very different colors. Xander was drowning in the white while Angel was in the black. The crib that held William was in-between the two. It was the only thing that joined the two… that held the photo from completely tearing.   
  
"Why are you standing here?"  
  
Lorne almost jumped, startled, looking over his shoulder at a curious Angel.  
  
"Don't do that again, Pumpkin. My heart somersaulted to my stomach."  
  
Angel ignored his response and glanced at the slightly open door, raising his eyebrows at Lorne. "Were you listening to Xander singing?"  
  
Lorne shrugged unconcerned, defying the jumble of emotion that settled inside him after his vision. "Yes," he answered simply.  
  
"What did you see?" Angel exclaimed with barely held excitement.  
  
Lorne chuckled shaking his head. "Angel, Angel, you know me more than that. I don't listen and tell."  
  
"Oh c'mon Lorne!" Angel tried the sad tortured puppy look. The situation called for desperate measures.  
  
"No." Lorne shook his finger and moved away, he couldn't let Angel know how his resolve weakened at that look. That was another thing in common with their new little tenant if the look inside his life meant anything.  
  
Angel groaned and grabbed Lorne’s upper arm stopping him. “C’mon, Lorne. If Xander and I are going to work together to help raise William for the next 29 years till Spike gets his memories back I need to know what Xander thinks about me and this situation with Will.”  
  
Lorne turned to face Angel sighing, leave it for the big bad vampire to guilt him by a toddler. "I’ll just give you a word of warning, Cupcake. The boy doesn't see that many colors, particularly concerning vampires."  
  
Angel sighed regrettably. "I know he doesn't like vampires, he had a bad experience."   
  
"It wasn't you, you know," Lorne said. "You should talk to him, Angel. Leaving things like that won't be good for you, him and mostly baby blue eyes. If you two really want to go through with this _My Two Dads_ renewal you shouldn't keep anything from each other."  
  
"You're right. Xander and I need to have a straight forward talk."   
  
“Guys?”  
  
Angel and Lorne jumped together, turning their heads to stare at an amused Xander standing by the door with William in his arms. The little one looked even more amused than Xander, sucking on his little finger and blinking with big bright eyes at the conspiring two.  
  
Lorne wiped imaginary sweat from his forehead. “I can’t handle this, my poor ticker has been jolted to jump start one too many times. I doubt I'll be able to sit down for hours till it settles down!" he said with exuberance.   
  
Xander grinned, entertained. "How so?"  
  
Angel rolled his eyes before Lorne could explain. "Lorne's heart is in his bottom."   
  
Xander snickered. "Wouldn't you like to be in his place Dead-boy. That way no one would dare stake you if it meant going… there!" He looked disgusted at the mere mention of it. William giggled and squealed. "See even Wil agrees!" Xander grinned down at the baby and tickled his tummy making more 'happy baby laughter'.   
  
Lorne noted the small smile on Angel's lips and gave him a discreet nudge. Angel looked at him and then back at Xander before coughing to catch the boy's attention.  
  
"Uh, Xander, we need to talk."  
  
Xander raised his twinkling eye and opened his mouth.  
  
Angel held his hand to stop him. "Don't even think of saying that. I've been manhandled by Cordy and Fred to watch enough chick flicks to know what you're going to say!"  
  
Xander pouted. "You don't let me have no fun anymore."  
  
Angel groaned. "Xander."  
  
"Fine, let's 'talk' while I feed Will his bottle."  
  
Angel shook his head. "No, I need your full attention for this. Let Lorne take care of that while we talk downstairs."  
  
Xander looked between the two, unsure. "I don't know…"   
  
Angel seemed to have noticed Xander's reluctance. "I trust Lorne with my life Xander, as do the others. Besides, he's great with kids." Angel was obviously talking about Connor. Nevertheless, as much as Lorne wanted him to share everything with Xander, he knew neither of them was ready for that revelation.   
  
Xander sighed. "Fine." He hesitantly held out the baby to Lorne whose red eyes were widening with excitement as William was slowly getting closer to his reach. Angel watched the slow motion with obvious boredom barely holding himself from sighing and checking his watch.   
  
Suddenly, Xander drew the baby back, holding him close. Lorne's excited eyes blinked dumbly at him. Angel looked exasperated at the brunet boy, "Xander!"  
  
"No, I just forgot to get the bottle," Xander excused himself and ran inside the room.  
  
"But, but," Lorne stammered, still blinking his hands still raised with nothing but empty air in their hold.  
  
Moments later, Xander came back with the bottle. He handed it to Lorne with a beam.   
  
Lorne gradually took the bottle. "Thanks but … I _was_ going into the room with the little Nibble anyway."  
  
Xander looked at him, feeling completely thrown. "Oh." He tried to cover up his actions, "The milk's already warmed!"   
  
Angel snatched William from Xander's arms and handed him to Lorne. After that, he dragged a reluctant Xander downstairs to have their privet talk.   
  
Lorne chuckled softly. They were already acting like a married couple.   
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
Finally, in the lobby, Angel took a breath and looked at Xander before speaking. However, Xander's gaze seemed more interested in the stairs than his important soon to commence conversation.   
  
Angel caught himself before rolling his eyes again and diminishing his IQ ten points. "Xander, please, Will is fine. Lorne is a very peaceful creature, as peaceful as they come even, he won't hurt him. Sometimes we worry that he could be taken down by a small child." He sighed bothered for more than one reason. "Now please listen to me because this is really important."  
  
Xander looked at Angel, worry still clouding his eye. "Sorry, uh … start talking."  
  
Angel looked down, not sure where to start. "All right, now both of us know how intense our relationship has been in the past due to you not trusting my kind."  
  
He looked up to see if Xander was getting where he was going with that, but found him staring at the stairs again. Apparently, steps posed a more interesting subject than what he was about to reveal. How did Lorne expect him to do this?   
  
Anger caused his game face to appear, he was about to yell, before a loud howl cut him off. He and Xander looked up in unison when they heard the shriek.   
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
Xander jumped back when he heard the frightened shriek. One thought popped into his head. William.   
  
"It's Lorne!" Angel cried out, already racing up the stairs and Xander hurried behind him, his mind jammed with different terrifying scenarios.   
  
He slammed against Angel's back, when the vampire idiot stopped suddenly in the doorway and did nothing. Xander did his fair imitation of a growl and pushed the shell-shocked vampire out of the way. He only took a few steps inside before he stood gaping at the sight as well.   
  
In front of the crib stood Lorne, his back to them and keening in a pitiful tone. His hand held tightly onto something and he was trying to pull it off with little success. He must have heard their mouths dropping on the floor because he turned around and presented them with the sight that they had already figured out but still caused them to blink.  
  
Lorne had a happily squealing dirty blond baby hanging from his red horns. The green demon wasn't as happy as he tried effortlessly to get him off. He finally gave up and waved his hands distressed.   
  
"Get this monkey off me!!"   
  
Xander almost jumped to stop William from falling when Lorne let go of his waist to wave. But he stopped mid lunge when he saw the little child hanging on blissfully without a care in the world and tugging even tighter lifting himself to practically cover Lorne's face.   
  
Lorne's eyes widened before he glared with accusing red eyes at Xander. "I thought you said you were going to give him a change!" he whined.  
  
At that moment, Xander bit his lip so hard he winced from the pain. He couldn't stop the big smile though. He took the remaining two steps and gently tugged at William.  
  
"Will, let go of the horny demon."   
  
Lorne yelled indignant. Xander snickered. "Okay, just let go of the 'red horned demon'." He pulled. "C'mon, let go! Ugh!" He pulled back breathing hard shocked that that hadn't worked.   
  
Lorne just about stomped his foot. "I can't breath and my horns are gonna fall off! Do you know how long it takes before they grow back?! And how painful!! Get him off, get him off, GET HIM OFF!"  
  
Xander shuddered. "God, who knew there was a green male Dawn out there?" He turned his eye around trying to find something, anything that would give him a clue on how to fix this. His eye caught something. "I've got it!"  
  
He reached behind Lorne then stood there so he could see William's eyes. He raised Tigger and waved it at the baby's wide eyes. "Look what I've got," he said in a cheery voice. "Does someone want to play with Tigger?"   
  
William cried happily and raised his hand to demand the tiger in turn letting go of Lorne's sore horns. Lorne was too busy unconsciously rubbing his horns, Xander was behind him and for a split second, William was free falling. Xander and Lorne's eyes widened in alarm but before they could do anything, the squealing William was in Angel's arms.   
  
The two breathed a sigh of relief. William didn't seem to notice as he continued calling for his toy. Xander handed it over with a groan. The child took no time before he started chewing on it.  
  
Lorne sniffed and started walking away. "My poor horns need a little TLC… preferably with moisturizer."   
  
Angel and Xander watched as the demon left, and then Angel turned to Xander. "Now can we talk?"  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
"Are you sure this is effective?" Angel asked and threw Tigger at Xander.  
  
“Trust me, my mom told me it’s what she and Aunt Lily used to do to keep me walking,” Xander said confidently and threw Tigger back at Angel.   
  
Little William's head was following his toy from Xander to Angel and the opposite. He barely took one step to where the toy was before the flying tiger found itself in other arms. The little whimpers he made broke Angel’s heart.  
  
“C’mon Xander, let’s stop.”  
  
“No,” Xander said firmly. “He's not gonna learn how to walk unless he’s forced to. It’s been a month since he started crawling, he should be walking steadily by now.”  
  
“But he just turned one.” Angel looked at the toddler's unbalanced steps as he walked in the space between them from Angel to Xander and vice versa, falling down then painfully getting up.  
  
“I was eleven months when I started walking, the first kid to walk at a young age in the family. Thanks to my parents,” Xander said proudly for the first time complementing his parents.  
  
“But your parents are monsters,” Angel retorted logically. He watched as William fell on his butt and this time the child didn’t get up.   
  
Will looked at Xander with huge glassy blue eyes, obviously not sure why 'Dada' wouldn’t give him his Tigger already.  
  
“Hey, get up!” Xander ordered the child. William’s lips started trembling and his eyes were becoming bigger and glassier.  
  
“Don’t you dare start crying, boy!” Xander warned looking strictly at Will, and that did it. William burst crying so loud Angel swore it could be heard in an alternate dimension. Or it sounded that way for the vampire's super hearing.   
  
“All right, that’s it!” Angel exclaimed angrily. He picked up Will and extended his hand to Xander. “Give me Tigger, Xander!”  
  
Xander blinked. That was one for the records. Angel never called the squishy toy by its name.   
  
“No, we have to … hey!”   
  
Angel snatched the toy before Xander finished his protest. He handed it to the child in his arms, who stopped weeping the minute Tigger was in his hands. “Here you go, little one,” Angel spoke softly, smiling as the baby eyes brightened and the chubby hands clutched the stuffed animal closely.   
  
Xander glared up at the vampire. “Angel, slowly hand me back the tiger and put him down.”   
  
Angel stared down at Xander irritably. “No.”   
  
“Do it!”  
  
“No!”  
  
“I said …”  
  
“No Xander, you’re scaring him!”  
  
“That’s what the kid needs,” Xander insisted, getting up from the floor. “Strict and firm is the only way to teach…” he stopped talking as realization hit him.   
  
Angel stared at him surprised. “Wow, guess the Harris blood finally caught up, huh?”   
  
“Oh my God,” Xander groaned, both hands were pulling his hair in annoyance. “I’m turning into my father.”  
  
“No, you’re not,” Angel said, walking towards Will’s crib.   
  
“Angel, this is serious. Look we have to set some rules. You’ve got to stop me from turning into a regular-Harris-Joe and I will make sure you’re not turning into psycho Angelus.”  
  
Angel gave him a look. “Xander, my soul is permanent.”   
  
“Well, you never know,” Xander exclaimed, waving his arms. “I mean _Willow_ tried to destroy the world last year.” He nodded firmly. If sweet Willow could turn into an evil-world-ending witch, with scary black hair and inky veins, then what were the chances of Angel, the vampire, turning into one? Not that he would turn into a witch or anything. And inky veins were so wrong for his complexion. Maybe red ones?   
  
Xander shook his head. _Jeez Lorne is rubbing off on me. And is that the double innuendo freaky unspoken sentence or what?!_   
  
Angel was about to lay Will in his crib but suddenly stopped when he heard what Xander said about Willow and chuckled. “You’re making that up.”  
  
"No really, she took down Buffy, Giles, Anya and was going to turn Dawn into an energy ball … it took only the Xan Man to save the world." He lifted his chin up proudly and crossed his arm causing his chest to puff out.   
  
Angel blinked at him. "Is this some kind of… eh… fan fiction?" He cringed. "Shouldn't have checked Cordelia and Fred's Bookmarks. At least I _hope_ it was the girls."   
  
“It’s the truth!” Xander yelled defensively.   
  
"All right fine. Willow turned evil and you saved the world."   
  
Xander’s eye flashed in anger. “Are you making fun of me?”  
  
Angel sighed resignedly. "No dear."  
  
William wiggled in Angel's arms, mouth full of Tigger’s leg, chewing with joy, bringing Angel's attention to him.   
  
Xander stared at Angel playing with Will and dismissing the fact that _Xander_ saved the world.   
  
He snatched the baby from Angel’s arms. "Give him to me!" He walked away from a stunned Angel and looked down at Will. “See William, Papa is an ass.”  
  
“Hey, don’t use such words in front him. What if he repeated them?”  
  
“Oh please, the whole month you’re trying to make him call you Papa, instead he keeps calling you Del, which could be Angel. Don’t worry he’s not gonna pick up ‘ass’.”  
  
He looked down smiling at the toddler. "Right, Will?"  
  
"Ath!" Will exclaimed happily.   
  
Xander blinked. "Huh?"  
  
"Ath!" Will waved his arms repeating with joy.   
  
"Uh oh," Xander whispered and turned slowly towards Angel, his eye big and innocent and his mouth formed one of the Xan Man’s charming goofy grins, hoping that Angel wouldn’t kill him. Unfortunately, William repeating the word "Ath" like a thousand times wasn’t helping.   
  
Angel was shaking angrily, his eyes flashed yellow.   
  
Xander backed away. "Now Angel, not in front of the kid." He looked desperately at the child. "Hey, Will, how about the word ‘flower’? C’mon say after me, ‘flower’."  
  
"Ath!"  
  
“You’re not helping, okay, how about 'soul'?” Xander said nervously, looking at an approaching all vamp faced Angel.  
  
"Ath!!"  
  
"Eeek, BUFFY!!!"   
  
  


~*~*~*~


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

Xander watched William sleeping peacefully, tracing his finger down one soft rounded cheek. He heard Angel stepping into the bedroom, and stood, watching them from a distance.   
  
"Xander," he whispered so not to rouse William.  
  
Xander looked up at him questioningly  
  
"I think we need to have that important talk that we haven't even got a chance to start," Angel clarified.  
  
"Fine, talk." Xander crossed his arms and waited.   
  
Angel gave the sleeping child an unsure glance, and then turned back to Xander. "I guess it’s better if we talked somewhere else. My room?" He waved towards the door.   
  
Xander frowned, concerned. "Is it that serious?" He was reluctant to leave William on his own and more so wary of what Angel was about to say.   
  
Angel exited the room without even glancing behind him. With a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach, Xander followed Angel silently.   
  
Xander reluctantly walked into Angel's room, throwing a wry glance at Angel before closing the door. He watched Angel run a hand over the back of his neck and then turn around to face him. Xander could barely hold eye contact, his nerves on edge, knowing that whatever Angel wanted to say to him, it wouldn't be of the good.   
  
"I … I don’t know where to begin," Angel said, closing his eyes tiredly.   
  
Xander had a bad feeling about all of this. He had been having a bad feeling all day, his Hellmouth boosted senses tingling that something serious was about to happen and he had been twitching all day in wait. Guess the wait was over now. And what a surprise that Angel was the one behind it.  
  
What did Angel find so urgent that he demanded all his attention just to talk to him? What was so important and big that they couldn't discuss in front of Lorne or in Xander's room?   
  
"What is it? You’re freaking me out," he let out anxiously.   
  
Angel took a deep calming breath and looked directly at Xander's worried face. "Xander, we've never been close, you and I," he stated quietly.   
  
Xander looked at him skeptically. "Yeah?" He barely refrained from the instinctive sarcastic response that could've gone something like 'something I'm extremely glad of!', since it would clearly would ruin the somber mood Angel was going for.   
  
"And we've always had our differences. You hate me because of who I am, what I am, and I dislike you because sometimes you're nothing but a pain in the ass."  
  
"Hey!" Xander complained especially when Angel's tone was so calm that it made the insult sound like a statement. And here he was holding his tongue on a leash! Served him right!   
  
Angel ignored him, looking outside the window. "Yet you've managed to overlook that hate in order to take care of Will," he whispered still looking at the outside world. A soft chuckle escaped his lips, one that made Xander uncomfortable. "In fact you always overlooked what you don't like if it leads to you gaining what you want. And after it all ends, I'm still nothing but a repulsive blood sucking killer, a vampire, isn't that right Xander?"  
  
Xander grew more uncomfortable. He didn't like where this was going but what he hated more was Angel stating sentences to him like he wasn’t even required to be in the room. "Hey, you dragged me here, wanted talk to me, isn't that right? Then look me in the eye," he demanded.   
  
After a faint sigh, Angel turned to look at him with sad eyes that made Xander flinch.   
  
"This is something big, Xander. It's a life, it's Will's life."  
  
Xander's bewilderment changed into apprehension. "What about Will?" The mere mention of the baby brought his parental instincts to the fore and cast his uneasy mind to the state of the sleeping boy.   
  
"You realize that he is coming back, don't you?"  
  
Xander took those couple of steps back. "I don't know what you're talking about."   
  
Angel didn't approach him, but had a weary look in his eyes. "You can't do this, Xander. You can't make yourself part of his life and then expect him to accept it when you leave. He'll remember you know."  
  
Xander shook his head. "We don't know for sure …"  
  
"We know!" Angel snapped. "Stop pretending that it's not gonna happen. It will, we know that, you know that. Every time you look at him, I see you building more and more walls. It's only a matter of time before you hurt him." There was a dark look in Angel's eyes. "And I will not let you do that to him. You will not hurt him."  
  
Xander felt his anger rise. "You think I want to hurt Will?"   
  
Angel's face twisted into his vampire features. "Look at me. This is what he was… what he might once more become. The thing you hate. Are you telling me that the thought of leaving him once he returns to being Spike hadn't crossed your mind?"   
  
"No." The look in Angel's yellow eyes told him that he didn't believe him. When Xander had made the choice to stay in LA instead of accompanying his friends to Europe, he hadn't thought about the future. He'd hardly ever considered what the future would bring, because he couldn't possibly grasp the notion of William becoming the creature he had never liked. Every time his mind began to wander in that direction he'd put a stop to it, deny it, and look away.   
  
"Oh, you did," Angel retorted. "I'm sure you did. And I'm pretty sure you think of me as a tool you can use to make things right at the moment. But once you're done, you'll cast me aside like a used, useless stake."   
  
Xander wanted to object, but Angel didn't give him a chance as he continued speaking while approaching in slow but sure steps.   
  
"That was always the deal with you, wasn't it? If you get a chance to take a vampire out, you don't hesitate because he's a 'killer' and you can't possibly forget that because he's not one of your precious heart beating friends, right?!"   
  
"Shut up! You know nothing about me!" Xander yelled angrily. "Don't you dare claim that _you_ know anything about me." Xander felt a little too overwhelmed at the moment, unable to supply a valid argument.   
  
"I know what I need to know," Angel said. "You're gonna leave in the end because you don't care."  
  
"I care about Will," Xander gritted out, exasperated.  
  
"And Will is Spike. Can you honestly tell me you care about Spike?" Angel demanded gruffly.   
  
"Spike is a vampire, a disgusting vampire. You don't know what he tried to do to Buffy!" Memories of Buffy lying on her bathroom's floor, bruised and crying shadowed Xander's eye. That devastated look in her teary eyes, the pain and disgrace he found there still made Xander growl inside to avenge her, to hurt Spike tremendously.   
  
"Whatever he did, Xander, I'm pretty sure it was before the soul. Even if William turned into a vampire after twenty nine years, he'll still have the soul."  
  
"I… I just can't trust vampires," Xander said sullenly.   
  
"Why?" Angel asked in irritation.   
  
"I just can't, okay?"  
  
"You see," Angel said in assertion as he stood in front of Xander, holding his shoulders tightly. Xander flinched, thinking that Angel was tempted to sink his fingers into the flesh. "That's why we can't work together if we continue to keep secrets from each other. Especially ones that revolve around Will."   
  
Xander pushed Angel away heatedly. "Oh, like you don't have any secrets that I don't know about? I know there's a secret behind your knowledge of babies other than the occasional toddler supper!"   
  
Angel looked shocked at that. Xander smiled bitterly. "I'm not as thick as you think I am. I didn't lose my eye for nothing." He touched his eye patch, recalling Caleb's words as his finger sunk into his eye socket. He shuddered but concealed it well so that Angel wouldn't be aware of it.   
  
Angel heaved an exhausted sigh. "Look, to make this thing between us work, we have to trust each other. I'm willing to trust you completely, but are you willing to trust me?"  
  
Xander looked at the ground in silence.  
  
Angel sighed again. "Then we have a big problem. It's a shame really, because I can't let this go on if you keep acting like this."  
  
Xander's face snapped up, looking at Angel in shock. "What are you saying?"  
  
"I'm not letting you hurt William, Xander."  
  
"I don't want to hurt him, Jackass!"  
  
"Then we have to discuss this. We have to work out our issues before …"  
  
"How about we don't?" Xander glared at Angel. "You can't just come here and expect me to change who I am just because you don't like me. I love Will, okay? The way I feel about you has nothing to do with it. I want to be a part of Will's life and I don't have to like you for it. Now excuse me, I gotta go catch some sleep."   
  
With that he left the room, walking across the hall as fast as he could. He reached the doorknob and turned it when he felt strong hands grab at his shoulders and throw him at the wall opposite Xander's room.  
  
Xander hit the wall with painful smack and fell on the floor. Trying to get up, Angel stood next to him. He looked up angrily, and flinched as he realized that Angel still hadn't changed back into his human features.   
  
With yellow eyes glaring down at him, Angel spoke firmly, "I told you I will not let you hurt him, the way you keep denying the inevitable it would be no time before you hurt him. Spike is an emotional being… he gets attached to things all the time… turns the world upside-down if he lost it… goes homicidal and suicidal at the same time if it was someone he loved. Can you tell me that in twenty nine years of you fathering him he wouldn’t love you? It would kill him if you left."   
  
Angel's human face retuned once more. He pointed at hallway leading to the stairs. "If you can't find it in yourself to see him in another way, then you must leave now, Xander."  
  
"You can’t do that!" Xander yelled from his place on the floor.  
  
"Oh I can and I will," Angel said heading towards Xander's room. He stood by the door and looked at Xander once more. "Until you learn how to live with me, with the notion that I am a vampire and so might Will return to being one, you’re not allowed near Will.” He walked into William's room and locked the door behind him.  
  
Xander got up quickly and started pounding on the door. "Open the door, Angel!"   
  
There was no answer.  
  
He started kicking the door harder. "Open the freaking door!" He kicked and pounded but nothing could be heard from the inside. Xander started to panic, this wasn't happening.   
  
Xander could still hear the deafening sound of the door locking him out, it scared him that the feeling which passed through him at that moment was one of finality.   
  
"Angel, you fuck!" he yelled desperately ignoring the hitch in his voice as he kept pounding on the door with his foot repeatedly.  
  
Faintly, in the brief silence between kicking, he was able to hear William crying inside. "Angel! William’s crying! Open the door!!"  
  
Angel's roar came from inside. "Why don’t you just stop pounding? You’re the one scaring him!"  
  
"Let me in then, you son of a bitch!" he yelled angrily, while booting the door with all he could.   
  
"Just go, Xander!" Angel yelled exasperated.   
  
William's cries were getting louder and that stopped Xander from retorting and kicking some more. They shouldn't fight near Will. Xander should know better. He closed his lonely eye, his mind going back to the nights he'd huddle in fear as he watched his parents rip at each other. He had promised himself that he would give William everything that he hadn't got, and that included not letting the boy suffer through the nightmares Xander had undergone as a kid.   
  
"Asshole," he whispered, frustrated, and walked angrily towards the stairs. He would find a bar and drink, drink until he couldn't feel a thing. To dull the pain and the anger with booze and try to erase what a shamble his life had become with the intoxicating liquid.   
  
"Should've taken Gunn's offer to cruse the bars. Where in this time of night can I go?" he huffed, reaching the lobby downstairs. "I'll just hail a damn cab and tell him to take me to one of the seediest joints in L.A. They'll be open at this hour."   
  
He sighed and shook his head. He shouldn’t do that either. It was such a 'his-father-thing' to do. He stopped going to bars last year. That could also be added to the list of things he wouldn't do to William.   
  
He redirected his path from the entrance and found himself in the library/lounge. His eye burned the sofa in front of him. Not knowing what to do, he just kicked it with his right foot.  
  
"Ow!" He winced. "God damn Angel. All his fault if I lost my toe," he mumbled under his voice.   
  
"You okay, man?"  
  
He cursed when he heard Gunn's voice and kicked the sofa again then he threw himself at it and hid his face in his hands.  
  
“What’s wrong?” He heard Gunn asking with worry.   
  
Xander raised his face, looking up angrily. "It's Angel."  
  
Gunn snickered goodheartedly. "What did the old brood do?"  
  
Xander considered blurting out everything, but refrained. Gunn was Angel's friend, there was no way he'd understand, let alone take his side. It hit him right then how alone he was around here. With the exception of Will, he really had no close friend. There was an understandable distance between him and Cordelia, while everybody else was Team Angel to a T.   
  
Due to Xander's silence, Gunn closed his toolbox and stood up from where he was kneeling next to the bookcase fixing the shelves. He walked across the lounge toward the couch and stood in front of Xander. There was a polite smile on his lips, inviting him to talk.   
  
Xander closed his eye and hung his head back, placing his hands behind his neck.   
  
He felt Gunn sitting next to him with a respectable distance. "Look, man," Gunn said gently. "I know Angel tends to make an ass out of himself from time to time, but always means well."  
  
Xander opened his eye, his hands behind his neck unclasped and slid down to lie on his thighs. "I don't trust him," he confessed softly.   
  
"Oh." There was a pause. Xander knew he shouldn't have said anything. Telling one of Angel's men that he didn't trust their leader-slash-boss-slash-friend wasn't the wisest move. But then Gunn surprised him with an understanding smile. "You know, I used to be just like you."  
  
Xander's lips parted in shock.  
  
"Never trusted Angel back then, took me a long time to, know why?"  
  
"You lost your mind with continued contact?" Xander guessed sarcastically.   
  
Gunn chuckled. "Now why do you say that?"  
  
"Why shouldn't I? Vampires and humans aren't meant to trust each other. I mean it's the same as us and cows. We eat cows. If I was stuck with a cow I'd eventually have to eat it to survive, right? It's food. We're just food for vampires nothing less. Why shouldn't I hate him for seeing me… uh us that way?"  
  
Gunn frowned. "I don't know about that, but there's a whole lot of difference between vampires and cows, for starters, cows look nothing like us and they don't talk."  
  
Xander gave an irritated sigh. "I know it's a lousy example but you get what I meant by the analogy."  
  
Gunn nodded. "I used to think that all demons were like animals… like pests that are mindless creatures that I needed to exterminate." He looked at his uncompleted work on the shelves. "Vamps, demons, non-humans, they are the bad guys and people are the good guys. That'd make things so simple, right? Sadly my friend, life is not that simple."   
  
Xander followed his line of sight and stared at the shelves as well. "Why did you start working for Angel? You said you never trusted him in the past, then why working for him?"  
  
Gunn looked down at his hands. "I lost my sister to the beasts four years ago."  
  
Xander blinked awkwardly. "I'm sorry to hear that." Gunn didn't say anything so Xander had to push for an answer. "Was that why you joined Angel? Because of your sister's death?"  
  
"Alonna …” Gunn began, pausing a little to compose himself before he continued, "Alonna didn't just die, there were a lot of them, my boys couldn't cover them all. She was standing there right in front of me and her face … the ugliest thing I've ever seen."  
  
Suddenly, Xander's heart started throbbing. His shaking hand went automatically to rest on Gunn's shoulder.   
  
Gunn chuckled bitterly. "Didn't take me long to realize that she's one of them."  
  
"That must have been horrible," Xander said softly. Memories of him underground with Buffy and Jesse running from The Master’s vampires appeared in his mind, him turning back to find his all time best friend wearing a face of a monster. The shock and daze that overwhelmed him made him stand there staring at that horrible face … the deformed face of his best friend.  
  
"Yeah, well," Gunn spoke snapping Xander out of his painful memories. "I did what I had to do, I …"  
  
"Staked her?" Xander finished for him. Gunn stared at him in astonishment. Yeah, well, who better to share something like this than someone who understood?   
  
"First day I learned that the children book monsters were real, that I couldn't look at a vampire movie with the same detachment, I lost my friend." Everything seemed so distant, like a lifetime ago but the feeling was still fresh. When Buffy had transferred to their school, when he'd heard about vampires for the first time, when he'd come face-to-scary-face with vampires for the first time but not this feeling. Not Jesse’s death. That seemed so recent. He remembered it as if it happened yesterday.   
  
"They kidnapped him, I went with Buffy to save him, found him but he was nothing but bait," he said blankly. His face twisted in disgust as he said the following words, "A stinking bait just to get the slayer. Jesse was already dead, he was a vampire and I lost him completely."   
  
He remembered the countless times he'd tried to talk to Jesse, bring him back, even part of him. But all that didn’t help. Giles was right. Jesse was gone. It was just a shell wearing his friend’s face and walking around with his memories.  
  
He felt Gunn’s hand resting on his knee, squeezing it in comfort. "That when you staked him?" Gunn asked quietly.  
  
"Not at that moment … but the same day anyway. Although …" Xander stopped unsure if he wanted to admit this to Gunn. He never mentioned this to anyone. Actually he never talked about the whole Jesse thing with anyone in the first place. After Jesse’s death, it seemed that everyone forgot about him, even Xander himself.   
  
"Although what?" Gunn asked curious.   
  
"Although I don't think I'd have staked him," Xander whispered looking down ashamed.   
  
"Huh?" Gunn frowned, a ridiculous expression on his face. Xander realized he hadn’t told Gunn the whole truth.  
  
"It was an accident," he explained. "Jesse was pushed on a stake I was holding in my hand. It wasn't me who actually did it."  
  
Xander looked down again. Jesse’s voice echoed in his head repeating the same statement about Xander not being able to stake him. "And he knew it, Jesse knew I was too weak to do it, I wouldn't have. I would've let him go, sent him away somehow, I know."  
  
"You don't know for sure …"  
  
"I had the stake, Gunn,” Xander cut him off with a heated exclaim. "I had it. I was threatening to use it!" He still remembered that moment clearly. He stood there looking down at Jesse who was about to feed on an innocent, he didn't remember who was he or she … it was all very hazy. The only thing he had been focused on at the time was that hideous mask covering Jesse's face. That mask Xander grew to hate so quickly.   
  
He knew he couldn't do it. He would never live with it if he did which was Xander’s biggest weakness. Everything he was good at centered on talking, threatening, that was all he ever did, had never went beyond that. He threatened Spike about killing him, but was too much of a coward to do so, and that caused Buffy to get hurt eventually. It also caused … the world to be saved … Xander's other eye to escape its dreary fate and … okay, well, Xander could give him that, Spike did good but that didn't excuse what he had done before. Right?  
  
"Xander!"  
  
Xander jumped alarmed. "What?" he yelled before turning to a laughing Gunn.  
  
Gunn worked hard to stop laughing at Xander's expense, he failed. "Where did you go? I was talking to you and you were lost somewhere."   
  
"Uh …" Xander let out with a small embarrassed blush. "I do that a lot lately, debating with my inner self and … you were talking to me?" he asked immediately trying to get him to stop laughing.  
  
"Yeah, I just …" Gunn took a few seconds to compose himself, before going on, “I think that you chickening out from killing your …"  
  
"Staking," Xander corrected. What they always did night after night wasn’t killing.  
  
" _Staking_ your friend … that just shows your loyalty. That you'd never hurt your friends."  
  
Xander stared at him, knowing it just wasn't true. He'd hurt his friends so many times over the past years he couldn't count them. He'd yelled at Buffy to stake Angel knowing how she felt about him. But when it had been him in her shoes, he couldn't let Buffy do her job and kill Anya.  
  
"I'm a jerk," he stated in self-loathing. “A first-rate jerk, a coward and a selfish bastard."  
  
"Hey, don't be hard on yourself." Gunn started batting at his shoulder comfortingly. "None of us are perfect."  
  
"I did stupid things in the past. Stuff that would have cost my friends' lives."  
  
"We all did stupid things in the past. It's normal."  
  
Xander cast Gunn a challenging look. "Did Cordelia ever tell you about the time I cast a spell to make all the women in Sunnydale fall for me?"  
  
"Ooooh that must have been nice!" Gunn whistled approving.   
  
"That was stupid."  
  
Gunn rolled his eyes, before he frowned. "Cordelia was there? How old were you? Fifteen? Sixteen?"   
  
"Seventeen."  
  
Gunn lifted an eyebrow. "When I was seventeen, I sold my soul for a van."   
  
Xander's jaw dropped to the floor.   
  
"Yeah, people always do stupid things when they're kids," Gunn pointed out watching Xander’s still opened mouth. "Point is, it'd all happened in the past. Let old demons lie. The past can never be forgotten, can't tell you to do that… no one can short from a spell and damn we're not going there."  
  
Xander smiled. "Right there with ya."  
  
"See, thing is, the only thing we can do is move on or what counts for it. Learn from the past as clichéd as that sounds and let the waters settle… throwing stones at them will only make waves that you can't stop."   
  
Xander looked down. "I know."   
  
"Alonna died and she is not coming back. So is your friend. Nothing we say or do will change that. "  
  
"It's not that..." Xander tried to interrupt, head still lowered tiredly.   
  
"I know, you think that it isn't fair … Angel getting a soul and being one of the good guys … while your friend had to die without getting a glorified chance like that? Believe me, it used to eat me up from inside. I was always pissed that Angel got a second chance and my sis didn't."  
  
Xander did think exactly that before when Angel had hung around Buffy. However, Jesse became old news in no time. But really, what if Jesse had gotten his soul like Spike did? Wouldn't it have been …  
  
No. Xander got tired of the 'what if' game right after his wedding fiasco. He had to stick with reality, as weird as it might seem. He looked at the man next to him. "I have no problem with that, Gunn. I just have a problem with Angel’s kind. Vampires in general. I don’t think I’ll ever accept Angel as a vampire."  
  
Gunn gave a tired sigh. He pinched the bridge of his nose.   
  
"I really want to accept it," Xander admitted. That got Gunn's full attention. "I really do. It's just there's this annoying thing nagging inside of me repeating over and over 'Are you nuts?' I don't know if I'll ever accept Angel, I don't know how."  
  
"The important thing is that you want to, which is a real step forward, just don't take those appealing two steps back." Gunn seemed to think about it, and then suddenly turned to face Xander. "Think of it as racism. Do you want to be called a racist?"  
  
That made Xander raise his head in shock. "What do vampires have to do with …?"  
  
"The way you treat Angel is the same way white folks used to treat blacks. Always thinking of them as lower beings and slaves, killing them 'cause they're different. You’re always thinking of Angel as a killer."   
  
"I don’t …" Xander's eye was wide.   
  
"I learned that the two issues are the same the hard way. When my 'friend', and using the term loosely here man, went on a crusade to kill every creature that wasn't a pure human… Lorne almost died that night. Not to mention that his club got totaled… again. I don't think he ever forgave me for that. That place was the one place he felt safe… he had these spells that kept demons from fighting but when humans came no demon could defend him or herself. He redid the spell and made it go both ways now."  
  
Xander winced remembering his instinctive reaction towards Lorne, he tried to tell himself it was because he didn't know him but now thanks to Gunn he was rethinking that.  
  
"Besides Angel got a soul," Gunn said with a shrug returning them to their subject. "That makes him good in my book."  
  
"No, it doesn’t. So what if Angel has a soul? That doesn’t change who he really is."  
  
"That’s the same thing racists used to say, so what if blacks are human beings, they’re still black." He looked questioningly at his companion. "And why are you stressing on this? Why are you fighting it so badly? Is it worth it? Is sticking to your idea about vamps worth losing William over it?"   
  
Xander looked down. No, it didn't. God, he didn't want to lose William, he didn't. William was the best thing that ever happened to him in such a long time. Horrible thoughts started attacking his mind, of William waking up in the morning looking for him but not finding him. Of William thinking he had abandoned him.  
  
"You see that’s the real question you should ask yourself. If you really love the kid, you’ll be willing to change for him, ain't I right?"   
  
He loved William. He loved him so much, his heart was shattering right now at the mere thought of losing him. But could he do this? Could he still be with William while he knew he was actually Spike, would eventually turn back into Spike? Angel wasn't really Xander's problem even though he was stressing on it that much. Spike was Xander's problem.   
  
He never even contemplated the thought of him giving Spike any kind of love. It was just too ridiculous an idea to conceive. How could he take care of William when he knew that he was taking care of Spike as well?   
  
He looked at Gunn who was giving him a warm stare. "Is hating him really worth it, Xander?"  
  
William's laughter, an image of him chewing on Tigger, of giving Xander his food, staring at him with those adoring blue eyes like Xander was the most important person in the world, seeking him for safety, all poured into Xander's frantic brain. The way Xander felt around William, loved, adored, needed … something no one ever made him like not even Anya.  
  
"No," he shook his head. "I guess it doesn't."  
  
Gunn grinned widely. "Then why are you wasting your time here? Go up there, tell Angel that you'll give it all up for the kid."  
  
Xander chewed at his lip before finally nodding and jumped up. He was half way to the large doors before he stopped and turned around eyebrow raised.   
  
"When did you get all wise?"  
  
Gunn grinned. "Chalk it all to sleepiness and the gods of craftsmanship." He nodded to what he had been working on as Xander came rushing in.   
  
Xander nodded as if understanding. He smiled at his new friend. "Well, I owe you oh wise one. I'll be sure to lend you a hand to fix the place!" With that he turned and continued his way out.  
  
"I'll hold you to that, man!" Gunn yelled after him.   
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
Xander stood nervously in front of the door to his room, his breath hitched in his throat. He really hated this part, was never good at admitting he was wrong and asking for forgiveness. Or worse, begging to be forgiven. He couldn't beg, especially not to Angel.   
  
Feeling himself freaking out, he mentally counted to ten and inhaled a deep breath. William was worth it, he told himself, and then knocked on the door. He knocked very softly so not to wake William, knowing full well that Angel would hear it. After a few seconds Angel opened the door, wearing the same broody look Xander remembered since he was a high schooler.   
  
"Can I come in?" he whispered, trying to peek at the inside over Angel's shoulder.   
  
Angel blocked his view, and Xander had to look up to a couple of stern brown eyes. "Depends. Do you trust me?"  
  
Xander swallowed, looking right into Angel's eyes, knowing that Angel could tell if he lied and fearing that the truth would take William away from him. He lowered his gaze, clenching his jaw in helpless frustration. "I don't."   
  
Hearing Angel's disappointed sigh, Xander looked up hastily watching Angel about to shut the door at him. "But I'm willing to try."  
  
Angel stopped, narrowing his eyes at him.   
  
"I thought about it, and… I'll try to change for William's sake. What happened in the past happened in the past, this is all for William."  
  
Angle stared at him intensely, causing Xander to drop his gaze down. The air around them was thick and his chest strained as he waited.   
  
"You've grown up, Xander Harris."  
  
Xander looked up, taken aback by Angel's smile. He shrugged, feeling somewhat bashful. "Well, you're defiantly a better person."  
  
"Why would you say that?"  
  
"You believed in me." Xander's lips broke into a smile of their own. "That's why you opened the door."   
  
"Uh well, I … actually did that because … I couldn't make Will go back to sleep and God please come inside." Angel pulled Xander inside quickly, dragging him to the crib, where William lay there sniffing pathetically.  
  
The moment William caught Xander standing there, his eyes grew with hope and he reached for his Dada to make it better.   
  
Xander watched as William reached up his hands for him to be picked up. Yet Xander didn't move. He didn't do a thing. Angel didn't even push him, he stood next to him silently, letting him figure it all out for himself.  
  
Xander just stared at Will for awhile longer. This child was _Spike_. This child would grow up to be _Spike_. Xander knew that, even though he tried to deny it, he knew. But Angel was right, if he kept on denying, it would hurt Will especially after years of smothering and loving him, which Xander knew definitely he would be doing.   
  
Xander had to make a decision. Either to leave when things were just starting and William wasn't attached or stay and accept that this small child was a monster he loathed. The tears on the toddler's face and the big blue eyes that looked at him in confusion, asking why he wasn't moving towards him, made Xander's decision. He walked towards the crib and took William into his arms, holding him tenderly against his chest. Xander softly kissed the small forehead and forced the thought that he was kissing 'Spike's' forehead to stay. He had to accept it. This kid was Spike. He would eventually turn back into Spike. But he wouldn't be only Spike… he would be his William as well; he would make sure of that.   
  
Xander had to leave all his plagued memories of Spike behind and focus on the good memories. Spike taking care of Dawn, him fighting side by side with the vampire while Buffy was gone, their companionship, Spike fighting for his soul, Spike being there for Buffy when they all abandoned her, Spike saving the world. Xander smiled at the baby. This boy was a hero.  
  
"So …" Angel's anxious voice started, "You're accepting all the terms?"  
  
Xander looked at him with hesitation. "I'm not sure yet, but I'm on my way to."  
  
He looked down at William. "Hey, there buddy, are you hungry?" He reached down in the crib and picked up a bottle that Angel was clearly trying to feed the child before he returned.   
  
Angel huffed. "He won't drink. I tried."  
  
Xander winked at him. "You're not me." He waved the bottle in front of William while he was holding the child in his other arm. "Isn't that right, kiddo? Dada is better than your Papa..." he talked with him in baby voice. He brought the milk closer and grinned widely when William took it out of his hand and stuck in his mouth.   
  
Xander turned to look at Angel with triumph. "See I told you…" He was cut off mid pride rant when a stream of milk splattered into his face shortly followed by a squeal.  
  
Angel grinned at him. "You were saying?"   
  
Xander ignored Angel as he wiped his face with the 'just in case' towel still not putting down William, pretending that he hadn't just lost face in front of the other man. The vampire watched the ministration as Xander finished with himself and changed William's clothes and diaper with ease.   
  
"Xander?"   
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"What did Spike do to Buffy?"  
  
Xander blinked down at the laughing child. If Angel asked this question earlier when they were fighting, Xander knew he would have told him. But right now … William's innocent face looked up to him worried sensing his distress. The child rose up giving him a sloppy kiss on his cheek as if knowing what would happen if Xander spoke the words.  
  
Xander couldn't. He couldn't tell Angel what Spike did. What _soulless_ Spike did. He didn't know how Angel would react to it. He feared what Angel might do, that even if he explained that Spike had failed to do what he almost did that Angel would react the same Xander had reacted when he found out, or worse. His thoughts were all for the toddler in his arms.  
  
"I can't," he said. "I'm sorry Angel, but it's not my place to tell."  
  
Angel nodded silently.  
  
Xander turned to look at him. "Don't worry… it was when Spike didn't have a soul. It was actually why Spike went to get his soul."  
  
There was a short moment of silence followed by Angel tickling William's belly and causing the child to squeal before yawning widely. Xander replaced William in the crib and instinctively knew that this time when William raised his hands that he wanted something other than to be picked up. He handed him Tigger and William smiled up at them both before closing his eyes and in a few moments started snoring lightly.  
  
Xander and Angel shared an understanding grin.  
  
Yep, some things were more important than the past.   
  
  
  


~*~*~*~


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

 

  
  
  
"Happy birthday to you,  
Happy birthday to you,  
Happy birthday, dear William,  
Happy birthday to you!"  
  
"Blow at the candle, kiddo," Xander said, holding William up to the birthday cake.   
Little William puffed up his lips into a pout then blew raspberries at the candle. The flame of the number three candle merely danced. After two elaborate huffs, the room fell into darkness.   
  
Claps that were clearly held in anticipation filled the space.   
  
“Happy birthday!”   
  
The cheer rang in the refurbished ballroom of the Hyperion. Angel turned on the lights and held up the ever present camcorder. A bunch of flashes went on from different directions, making the three-year-old child giggle happily at the attention.   
  
Everyone was wearing colorful party hats, even Wesley and Giles who were overpowered by the strong maternal women in the room. Angel, on the other hand, was quick to put on his purple balloon paper hat for he insisted that William pointed at it and since it was the child’s birthday, he had to indulge him  
  
Xander was also quick to take a picture of Angel trying to keep the hat from falling off his quote “too big head”. It was Angel’s fault for buying extra film for the party to completely immortalize his baby’s first birthday party.   
  
"Enough, people! Hurry up and fill up on Angel’s cheap pocket cake so William can open his presents," Xander ordered already handing out plates with a piece of chocolate cake, ignoring those who looked pointedly at their small piece.  
  
Angel watched as Xander urged everyone to eat quickly. He barely held back a groan of annoyance. He, like everybody here, knew that no one anticipated ‘present time’ like Xander. Not even the attention loving William.  
  
“C’mon, people, time to spread the joy!” Xander clapped his hands, drawing attention from William who was about to jam his hands into the chocolate frosted cake. Lorne scooped him up in nick of time. “And by spreading the joy, I’m taking about presents.”   
  
Once everybody ‘finished’ eating, barely tasting Angel’s money worth specially made birthday cake, Xander and William rushed as one towards the presents. That made eighteen-year-old Dawn shake her head, mumbling, "And to think Xander is six years older than me."   
  
Buffy gave her a look. "You know- if you want to…" She pointed towards the presents.   
  
The young Summers blinked at her in questioning innocent eyes. "Oh, screw it!" Dawn exclaimed after a second and then ran after Xander and William. The rest of the ‘adult’ group soon followed.  
  
Angel shook his head with fondness as Xander headed towards the largest present. It had been two years since Xander had come through the Hyperion doors with a newly transformed one-year-old Spike in his arms. So much had happened. They had to work hard to make up for the bad things that happened. To build up and start again. To continue from where they stopped. They were too busy for any sort of celebration, so this day was not merely a celebration for the three year old William – but for them all. For their long journey.   
  
Xander had decided to become part of his team to be near William, and it seemed as if slowly but eventually a new found trust had developed between him and the souled vampire. Not to mention the relationship with the other members of the group - especially with Gunn. Through the years it was noticeable how the quickly established friendship of Xander and Gunn had grown from the first day they had met. Both young men had understood each other very well in so many ways. The friendship was good for both of them.   
  
Besides the usual near death events and evil doers that especially targeted them, the typical ambiguities of Visions and Prophecies, it seemed that the most significant event during those two years was Wesley’s tear jerking proposal subsequent to rescuing Fred from being married off to a demon overlord and their wedding soon after. Angel, Xander and Gunn continued to venomously deny any watery eyes.   
  
Angel shifted his gaze towards Fred's soon-to-be-round stomach, sensing the new life inside her. He wondered when she would inform Wesley.   
  
And he couldn’t forget Cordelia, mostly because she never let them forget. Cordelia had started making her way through Hollywood, rising as a performer thanks to picking up ‘method acting’, paralleling life and art, as well as recently dating an up-and-coming leading man. He was happy for his friend finally reaching her dreams after going through so many disappointments when she had first started out in L.A. Although, he was not quite found of Bert Landers, something the men in the hotel all agreed on. Cordelia waved that off as jealous overprotective macho crap.   
  
“Okay, everybody spread out… give us some room here.” Angel snapped out of his mental recap with Xander waving his hands causing everyone to roll their eyes, before their faces melted into ‘awww’s. William was mimicking Xander’s movement complete with voicing the commands himself.   
  
“Thbred… give room!”   
  
“It’s spread, William, and space instead of room,” Wesley corrected causing everyone to groan. He looked indignant at their reactions. “It is my responsibility to teach the boy proper English. He’s old enough to know.” Giles nodded in agreement.   
  
Fred patted his back. “We know, honey.”   
  
Xander snapped his fingers. “Really, people, focus, present time… I think I’ll start with this.” He eyed the large wrapped gift. But before he could reach it, he felt a tug at his pants. He looked down. William’s blue eyes gazed up at him, his little finger pointed away from the present Xander chose and at another.   
  
“No. Dat one!”  
  
Xander patted his curly head. “Okay, later, after…”   
  
“NO!” William crossed his arms and puffed his cheeks annoyed. “My peasant… now!”  
  
“It’s actually…” Wesley started but was struck into silence, literarily. A wet cake smacked into his mouth. “I get the message. Thank you,” he addressed the innocent looking room while a frantic Fred –who was trying hard not to laugh- was wiping his face with a wetnap – something that was more than at hand after William’s addition the household.   
  
“Xander, it is William’s birthday party. I think the whole point is for him to open his own presents.” Angel looked pointedly at Xander.   
  
Xander sighed and flopped down next to the gift William chose. “I really don’t know why you keep repeating that, Angel.” He pulled it closer and picked up the attached card. “For William, happy birthday, Auntie Fred.” Xander laughed. “Good thing your ‘Auntie Fred’ is a girl or we would have a lot of explaining to give you by now. Ow!” He rubbed at his head.   
  
Angel stood over him. “Open the presents that you made everyone choke down their expensive cake because you were apparently afraid they’d run away.”   
  
Xander pouted. “Well, they might.” Then he gestured for William come closer.   
  
William grinned widely and sat down next to Xander tearing off the purple bow while Xander tore at the beige wrapping paper.   
  
“It’s a… it’s a… what is it?” Xander frowned at the contents, turning it up for Angel to see. William, on the other hand, seemed excited no matter what it was.   
  
“It’s a chemistry set,” Fred said enthusiastically. Wesley’s eyes urged them to play along.   
  
Xander grinned. “A chemistry set. It’s a chemistry set. Angel look it’s a chemistry set! With lots of…” He squinted his eyes and read, “Flammable and highly toxic liquids. Wow. Uh, say thank you to Fred.” He urged William.  
  
While William was busy thanking his Aunt Fred, Xander and Angel shared a look that translated into “hide it”, not knowing that some years later, the birthday boy would find it.   
  
“More!” William tried to pull two presents closer to Xander.   
  
“Okay, Will. This one’s from your aunt Willow.” He tilted his head. “Who P.S.ed you that she is ‘not a tree’.” He nodded at a grinning Willow. “Noted. But we are gonna explain someday why she could be your uncle, too.”   
  
A piece of cake barely missed Xander’s head. Wesley glared at a shame-faced Willow. It seemed he caught his cake assaulter.   
  
“Okay, mini-me, it looks like Willow gave you plants.” Xander looked at Willow. “Thanks aunt/uncle Willow.”   
  
Buffy stage-whispered, “Black veins.”  
  
Xander grinned sheepishly at Willow who was now glaring. He ducked his head and looked apologetic with widened, sorrow-filled eyes to boot.   
  
Willow groaned. “That’s cheating. And there’re not plants. They’re protective herbs… nothing magical you can screw up.” She ignored Xander’s gasp of outrage and a well placed hand to the chest. “And a few blessed healing ointments and rubs.”   
  
“Thanks, unca Wills!” William ran to hug Willow who hugged him back teary-eyed.   
  
“I’m unca Wills!” she said choked up through a wide smile.   
  
Xander crossed his arms indignant. “When I say it I get bombarded with stale two-day-old cake.” He ducked a piece of cake only to be smacked by another in the chest. Angel merely looked triumphant.   
  
William ran back and flopped next to Xander. “Dat one!”   
  
Xander picked up two similarly sized book-shaped presents and handed one to William.   
  
“That one is from Wes and this one is from Giles. Race!”   
  
William understood completely as he tore at the paper wanting to beat Xander at opening the present.   
  
During the game of opening presents, Dawn spoke up wondering, “Should we be worried that Xander is acting like Will?”   
  
Cordelia snorted. “Dawnie, really, this as a blessing. Think about the alternative.”   
  
Everyone nodded in concurrence.   
  
“Done!” “Done!”  
  
Silence reigned when the two books were uncovered.   
  
They were the same.   
  
Hardcover and all.   
  
“Through the Looking Glass,” Angel read glancing at the two flustered watchers. “It’s a good book. And with William, it’s really good having a spare. Thanks.” Despite Angel’s kind words, he was sure to tape their reaction in close-up on his ever-present camcorder.  
  
“No time for awkwardness…” Xander said, eyes zooming towards the first present he picked out before. However, his gaze was interrupted by William pushing a flat present into his face before dropping a heaver box on his lap. The wrapping paper for both was gold.   
  
“I don’t think we need to read the card for this one.” He opened the neatly done paper of the first, and read. “The Wonder of Color and Why Green is the Color of Life. A book and coloring set. And…” He opened the other. “Oh. The Best of Sinatra. Tape and CDs. Gee, thanks, uncle Lorne.”   
  
Xander tried to hide the album behind his back, but William held on to it. “Bed time,” he said forcibly. Xander and Angel shared a pinched look, while Lorne puffed up, grinning.   
  
“I’m getting a Nanny Cam for the times Lorne baby-sits,” Xander murmured.  
  
“Buffy!” William gripped at a present.   
  
“Did I mention how William only knows how to read MY name,” Buffy said. “And ‘A’ comes before ‘B’, eh, Alexander and Angel?” She smirked at Xander and Angel, bending down to kiss the top of the sandy head. “Good boy.”   
  
Xander tugged a giggling William away from Buffy. “I go by Xander.” He stuck out his tongue at Buffy. William poked at it causing him to sputter and the three-year old to giggle.   
  
“Buffy pezzie.” William pulled away from Xander and opened the present himself. Several gasps sounded in the room when he finally won the battle over the amber paper wrap.   
  
Xander picked up the pig from William who moved closer to grip at its foot. “You got him Mr. Gordo?” he asked his friend wonderingly.   
  
“It’s a toy like Mr. Gordo,” Buffy corrected.   
  
Willow bent to get a better look at it. “It’s the same pig, Buffy.”   
  
“Yeah, Buff…” Dawn started but Buffy interrupted, “Oooh, fancy-shmancy wrapping, let me guess who this is from.” She tapped her finger on her bottom lip. “I dunno. Let’s see who --- oh! Shocker. It’s from Cordelia!”   
  
Cordelia rolled her eyes and handed the present to William who was looking at Buffy in confusion nearly matching the people around him. But it quickly dissipated at the prospect of tearing up the package in front of him.   
  
“Awwwww…” resonated from the women in the room.   
  
Gunn bent down to look at a baffled looking William, holding up a tuxedo up-side-down by his side. “Sharp tux, Cordy.”   
  
“What dis?” William asked.   
  
Cordelia responded. “This, sweetie, makes you the only well-dressed male living in this hotel.”   
  
“Hey!” several put out denials flew at Cordelia. She shrugged. “It’s Armani. Not ripped tee-shirts and jeans, flashy polyester suits, tweed, leather or stale suits from the seventies.”   
  
“I resent that.” Lorne huffed. “Several of my flashy suits are silk.”   
  
Cordelia rolled her eyes.  
  
“T-shirts don’t choke you when possessed,” Gunn mumbled. And handed William his present, ignoring Xander’s keening at wanting to open the big present. “Here you go, champ.”   
  
William could barely carry the present, it was that long - and with a slowness that only a child could master and still look cute, he placed it down on the floor. He tore at the paper and revealed the box.   
  
“Wee-wee truck!” he said, excited. “Wee-wee truck!!”  
  
Xander chuckled and explained to the Sunnydale gang. “He calls the fire trucks wee-wee because the sound and --- never mind.”   
  
“William, go for that one.” Angel behind the camera pointed the child towards a certain plain covered package.  
  
Bending down, William easily picked it up and unwrapped it in small tears. His small mouth opened in an ‘O’ shape and directed the present cover towards Angel and subsequently the camera. “Dis me?”   
  
Angel nodded with a beam.  
  
“Angel-cakes, is that a sketch of our b-day boy?” Lorne grinned while the ladies cooed at the cute drawing. “The kid does look scrumchious napping, hair all extra curled up after a shower.”   
  
Angel handed Lorne the camera, bent next to William and opened the book. “It’s a sketchbook. You can do the same inside.” He quickly rushed back to take over the camera.   
  
William picked up the stuffed pig from the ground and clutched at Angel’s present in the other. He then looked at Xander with big eyes and Xander waved him off tiredly. “Go ahead. Pick the one that isn’t mine.”   
  
William wobbled, still holding Mr. Gordo and the sketchbook, towards a present. “Open,” he ordered Xander. With a sigh, Xander did as asked. It was a gift from Dawn; rock CDs, one of was of Billy Idol in an addition to a baby bomber jacket. Xander shot her a sharp look and Dawn pointed at her dark apparel and hair style. “Are you just catching on that I like rock? You don’t need to get all Dr. Phil on me.”   
  
Finally, it was the big package’s turn. Xander’s present was revealed by his own hands. It was the newest X-box, complete with a dozen game cases.   
  
William rushed towards it, needing several wobbly steps to walk around the large box at a whole; eyes were wide, taking in the huge box.   
  
Angel crossed his arms. “I thought the presents were for William. Not for you.” His peripheral vision caught the near drooling expression on one of the partiers. “Or for Gunn,” he said pointedly.   
  
“He’ll grow into it,” Xander said defensively.   
  
“It’s a computer game, not clothes,” Angel retorted.   
  
Twin gasps from Gunn and Xander. “Don’t call it a computer game, man. You’ll upset it!”   
  
Cordelia groaned. “I won’t ever stop hating Xander for breaking Gunn’s geek from the closet.”   
  
“Isn’t the correct expression a nerd?” Wesley asked.  
  
“No, that’s you,” Cordelia threw back with a yawn.   
  
William mimicked Cordelia’s open mouthed expression minus the courteous hand-cover and blinked shiny eyes.   
  
“Ahhh, they say read the signs and I think Mr. Birthday Boy has been wiped.” Xander stood up after watchfully putting away the X-box.   
  
Angel, taking one last picture of William, scooped the child up into his arms in a flying motion causing a laugh to break from the sleepy boy. “Got to brush your tiny teeth before bed.”   
  
William snuggled into Angel’s shoulder as they walked towards the stairs. “Yes, Pa.”  
  
“Goodnight, everyone, thanks for the presents,” was Angel’s departing words before he disappeared out of the room.   
  
Buffy sighed and wrapped her arms around her waist. “He looks happy.”   
  
“Which one?” Xander came up next to her.  
  
She looked up at him with sad but content eyes. “Both of them.”   
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
Xander felt a tug on his pants and looked down. William was standing there, looking up at him. "I drawed this picture for you, daddy," he said, showing him the sketchbook he had gotten from Angel. The drawing was a bunch of circles and two lines in the middle; one line was long and the other was very short. And while Xander wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, he figured the two lines were him and Will.  
  
"That's very good!" Xander exclaimed in baby voice, leaning down to look at the drawing better. He ruffled William's hair in appreciation, taking the drawing, and straightening up. Staring at it with a big grin, he pulled a passing Wesley by his collar and pressed the sketchbook at his face. "Look!"  
  
Wesley blinked, jerking himself from Xander's grip and holding the sketchbook away from his face. He stared at it bewildered, before he felt a tug at his trousers. Looking down, William was grinning up at him.  
  
"I drawed this picture for daddy."  
  
"Drew," Wesley corrected.   
  
"Yes, he did!" Xander exclaimed, excited, snatching the drawing from Wesley.   
  
Wesley sighed, shaking his head.  
  
"I go get other one toy, Daddy?" William asked, grinning.  
  
"Sure!" Xander answered, appearing more eager than Will.   
  
William ran towards the pack of toys, not minding Wesley who called behind him, "It's ‘May I get the other toy?’, William!"   
  
"Wes, chill!"  
  
"He must learn how to speak properly, Xander."  
  
"He's just three."  
  
"Which means it’s the perfect time to ingrain it into him," Wesley stressed in annoyance. Of all the Fang Gang, Wesley was the one who paid the most attention to William's pronunciation and word choice. It mattered to Wesley that William must learn how to speak proper English. The language of the Romantics, the one William the Bloody spoke, before he had gotten caught up with that horrid accent. Unfortunately, no one appeared to care. Xander and Angel were enjoying William's slips and wanted him to speak that way for it was adorable. Wesley was not having that. He was not raised that way. He was going to teach the child how to speak whatever it took.  
  
  


~*~*~*~*~

  
  
  
Smiling at William who squealed at Dawn as she made a show with dolls - action figures, Xander yelled in her head.   
  
Xander turned to Willow who just finished with her drink. He noticed the usual Willow rarely seen mischievous face, knowing that whatever brought out that look was probably something fun. He raised an eyebrow waiting to see the crime. Willow brought out of one Cordelia's chocolate cookies from her pocket where she had hid it. He smirked, stuffing his hand in his pocket and bringing out his own cookie. Both of them started laughing, and then quickly hid the cookies in their pockets as Cordelia passed by. Xander saw his ex-girlfriend smiling satisfied at the empty plate of her homemade chocolate cookies. That made him feel slightly sorry for her, since all the pieces were probably flushed in the toilet or in Xander and Willow's pockets. As Cordelia walked away again, Xander and Willow continued snickering.  
  
"God, I missed you, Will," Xander exclaimed. He just realized it had been awhile since he had seen or heard of her. And he was used to Willow at least phoning him once a week.   
  
"Sorry, I haven't been in touch lately. I should have realized that a week in Floma dimension equals three months in our reality," Willow said sheepishly.   
  
"No stress. If someone's to blame it should be me. I should have called or something, I mean I hadn't realized it has been three months since I heard from you." He frowned trying to grasp that fact.  
  
"Oh, right," Willow just realized that too. She slapped Xander's arm angrily. "You didn't miss me?" she asked in accusation.   
  
"Ouch." Xander rubbed his arm. "I'm sorry. I guess I was busy."  
  
Willow's frown softened and a grin took its place. "So anything new going on with you? Other than Will's birthday party yesterday that is."  
  
"Well, I decided to sign up for night school." He shrugged. “I have been planning on it for a while but never got around to it.”  
  
"Xander, that's great!" she exclaimed and hugged him.  
  
"Yeah, it was Angel's idea. That guy is turning out good these days. Wesley was also very excited about it – I think he wouldn’t be if he knew it had nothing to do with Grammar. Gunn thought it was pointless but then again he hadn't finished high school."  
  
Willow grinned. "I bet it's cool to be around a bunch of guys for a change, huh?"  
  
Xander smiled. "You can say that. Not like spending time with pretty girls talking about girly things wasn't fun, but a guy needs the muscles once in awhile."  
  
"So, how's it been so far? You and the guys going out for drinks, watching sports and doing that guy thing with the hand under the pants?"  
  
"Uh… that's kinda disturbing coming from your mouth."  
  
"No really, I bet it was fun kicking some ugly demon ass with the guys, huh?" Willow puffed her chest and swung her fist playfully at Xander's chest.  
  
"Ouch again, and no bad mouthing demons here. Lorne is sensitive."  
  
"So how many times have you gone out with Angel and the others and fought evil, mescaline and all?" she asked Xander, smiling.  
  
He looked down at her, blinking. "Um… uh…"  
  
Willow frowned. "You haven't gone evil hunty with Angel? Ever?"  
  
"Uh…"  
  
"XANDER!" The vamp in question yelled with horror. Xander quickly looked at a scared Angel who was waving at him frankly.   
  
"Come quick, William stuck leftover cake frosting down Buffy's bra."  
  
Xander mumbled, “Show’s her she’s not his favorite.” Then he stared at Angel in annoyance. "Why don't you handle it this time?"  
  
"Well, you're the expert," Angel explained, reminding him of the Cordelia incident. He looked back at William, still covering Buffy with frosting. No one was able to stop him.   
  
Xander sighed and headed towards the child and Buffy. Why did he think Angel's comment felt like an affront?   
  
  


~*~*~*~*~

  
  
  
"Why can't I come?" Xander demanded, following Angel who headed towards the swords. Cordelia had just had another of her usual 'a bunch of demons/drunk teenagers' vision that needed some ‘masculinity’ to handle it. Ever since his talk with Willow two days ago, Xander couldn't get his well-known feeling of being the most useless member of the group out of his mind. And right now all he wanted was to feel needed, needed as a man.   
  
"Because I said so," Angel answered as he picked a large sword.   
  
"You're not the boss of me. I can go if I want. I'm an adult, dammit!"  
  
"What about William?" Angel turned around, looking at him seriously.   
  
What the hell? Xander scrunched his face in anger. Who was he? Big Mamma Xander?   
  
"Cordelia and Fred can take care of him." He raised an eyebrow as he answered. Things had changed right now. Xander had accepted his role of staying at the hotel and take care of William when the child was very young and wouldn't stop crying unless Xander was around. Now William was old enough to stay with other people. So, there would be no harm if Xander left for few minutes to smash in a slimy head and then return home with all his macho glory intact.   
  
"No. You're staying."  
  
Xander stood there, fuming with frustration and watched Gunn and Wesley heading outside with their weapons in hand. "I don't care. I'm coming," he huffed and hurried to pick up his own sward but he was pulled short when a large hand grabbed his arm, turning him around to face a pair of angry eyes.   
  
"I said, no. Is there something you didn’t get?" Angel dangerously growled.  
  
Xander didn't appear scared at all – especially not from ‘Angel on a mission’. "No, I…"  
  
"'ts moving, Aunty Fwed!" William's excited voice startled them both. Angel let go of Xander's arm quickly, so no one would see the harsh grip. Both of them looked at the young boy running after the huge fire truck dubbed ‘Wee-wee’. Behind him walked Fred, who was holding the remote control and using it to direct the toy, next to her walked a smiling Cordelia.   
  
Xander grinned watching William's eyes wide with excitement, running after the truck barely holding himself up.   
  
"Daddy, look! Wee-wee move alone," William exclaimed when he noticed Xander in the lobby. He aimed his small finger towards ‘Wee-wee’ for Xander to see.  
  
Xander nodded, smiling. "I see that. It's great, isn't it?"  
  
William giggled with joy and started running after the truck once more.   
  
Xander watched him sprint with a warm smile.  
  
"So, the others are out for the rescue mission?" Cordelia asked, startling Xander who was distracted by William's joyful play.  
  
With a frown, he looked to his right and Angel was nowhere to be seen. That sneaky bastard must have took advantage of Xander's distracted state and made a run for it. Xander dropped his head and sighed. "Yeah."  
  
"What's up? You look tense."  
  
He looked at her. From the look she gave him, he knew she understood what was wrong. She probably wanted him to tell her himself. It felt humiliating. He hated being treated like someone weak and incapable. It used to eat him up from the inside when he was in Sunnydale, watching his friends take the lead and sacrifice their lives for the world while he was to be sent away with Dawn for their own good. If they hadn’t found an infant Spike, Buffy would have found another way to send him away…   
  
… which she eventually did.   
  
But, yeah, he knew all that speech Buffy had said about him being her strength was nothing but all talk. Xander was hurt and useless. He wouldn't have been able to do much in the ultimate fight, so it was better to send him away with Dawn for his own safety. And wasn't it sweet how he was sent away with William to Angel instead? Poor Xander, so broken, he needed to be saved again and again.   
  
"Nah. It's nothing." He walked towards the couch, hearing Cordelia sigh. What did she think? That he would pour his heart out to her? She should have known him better. He was treated like a housewife, so the least he could do was to keep some dignity by sticking to the most important male code. Never talk about your feelings.   
  
  


~*~*~*~*~

  
  
  
"Why won't you let Xander come with us, man?" Gunn asked Angel with no hint of curiosity, which indicated that he knew the answer.  
  
"Because he will get hurt," Angel answered simply. His full attention was on the dark alley, searching for the demons Cordelia had described.   
  
"Uh, right. Nothing better for a dude's self-esteem than another dude pointing out that he's lacking in a fight," Gunn responded sarcastically.  
  
Annoyed, Angel turned to face Gunn. "What do you want me to do? You know it's the truth."  
  
"How about giving him something to work with?" Gunn challenged. “Train him like you did Cordy.”   
  
Angel shook his head, turning away. "I'm not sure."  
  
"Why not?" Gunn poked Wesley with his elbow to enlist his help.   
  
Wesley, who was busy watching out for the demons, jumped at Gunn's poke. "Uh," he stuttered looking at the livid men. He was glad he had paid attention to the conversation. "You have to admit, Angel, it is quite reasonable. We need all the help we can get,” Wesley said.   
  
Angel stopped, exhaled and turned around. "Okay. How about we kill the demons instead?"  
  
"What demons?" Gunn snapped back at Angel's change of subject.  
  
Angel didn't reply. He only grabbed at Gunn and practically threw him away as a demon jumped from behind his position.  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
"Da?"  
  
Xander looked up from one of Cordelia's magazines, for some reason she had insisted he must read. The women in there would make him feel better, was what she had said. However, even these hot, dressed in torn up fabric women hadn't made Xander feel any manlier. All he could think of was “That bag clashed with the red shoes”. Not helpful at all.  
  
He looked at the confused William, who was working on building blocks. "What's up?" he asked.  
  
"You man, right?"  
  
"Uh huh?" Xander frowned, having the perfect idea about where the kid was going with this.   
  
"Why you sits here and Papa and unca Gunn and unca Wess gets to fight bad monsters?"  
  
Xander's answer was silence as he regarded the child with blank eyes.   
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
“Doir, Burberry and Gucci are all about these ‘new’ scents. The old collections were better and didn’t smell so fabricated and pretentious,” Cordelia expressed her bitterness as she chatted professionally with Fred. She noted her friend's boredom but being Cordelia, she didn't care even when she should be more considering now since Fred was pregnant. And Cordelia knew very well how much a pregnant woman needed more attention and care.   
  
She stopped in her tracks when she noticed William alone in the lobby playing with his toys. There was no sign of Xander though. "Where's Xander?" she demanded angrily. "And how could he leave William here alone!"  
  
William looked up at her. "Daddy goed to fight monsters. Da bad ones not like unca Lorne. He tolded me I don't go outside, I tolded him okay."  
  
"Oh my God," Cordelia heard Fred whisper next to her, but her whisper was lost in the loud sound of Cordelia's heartbeats. Her eyes caught the weapon place, and noted four of the swords they kept for big hunts were missing.   
  
Hearing the Hyperion doors open, she whirled around and was about to yell Xander's name, but stopped motionless when Angel, Wesley and Gunn made their way inside.  
  
"I can't believe one of them got away," Gunn groaned in anger.  
  
"I'm gonna go search for it right now." Angel quickly headed towards the door once more.  
  
"Angel," Cordelia called him.  
  
He turned around, confused. "What?"  
  
"It's Xander."  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
"That wouldn't have happened if you let Xander tag along in the first place," Angel heard Gunn complain as he followed him along with Wesley.   
  
"How would I have known he'd react that way?" Angel defended himself even though he clearly knew that Xander would only react that way. Xander had lived two years with Angel now, and he should have known him better.  
  
"Man, don't tell me that hasn’t crossed your mind. Xander is a man, we don't take no for an answer." Gunn had caught up with him, matching hid pace. "What would’ve ya lost if you let him come with us?"   
  
Angel stopped and turned his angry eyes at his friend. "What about William?"   
  
"What about William?" Gunn asked, confused.  
  
"How can I explain it to him if we lost Xander in a fight? I can't let that …"  
  
"Oh Lord," Wesley interrupted in a shocked whisper.  
  
"What?" Angel asked, disorientated.  
  
"Xander," Wesley answered, rushing without further explanation. Angel turned his gaze and what met his eyes wasn't a pleasant sight. Xander was lying on his back. Blood was socking his shirt, seeping from a large wound in his chest.   
  
Angel rushed towards Xander. Wesley was already at his side, attempting to check his pulse. "He's still alive," Angel said softly, hearing the faint heartbeats. "For now."  
  
"Shit," Gunn cursed next to him.  
  
"Get him back to the Hyperion," Angel ordered firmly.  
  
Wesley looked up at him. "What about…?" he stopped, seeing the look in Angel's face. Looking into flashing gold eyes, he knew why right away. It was for William. In case…   
  
"Gunn, take Xander to the Hyperion, and do it carefully. Wes, you call 911 and give them the hotel's address. After that, call Lorne and have him keep William upstairs before you step a foot inside the hotel."  
  
"What about you?" Gunn asked, lifting Xander up gently.  
  
Angel turned his back at them, walking away. "I'm gonna track down the demon and rip him to pieces."  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
No one knew guilt like Angel. Remorse and regret, people could relate to it in countless ways. But Angel was the one who knew it best for as he stood –hands still bloody from his recent kill- staring at Xander who lay motionless on the sofa, he experienced one of those guilt moments. Xander wouldn't have had that much blood loss from the wound in his chest had Angel allowed him to come along.   
  
"You sure you called? Said it was an emergency?" he asked Wesley for the third time, wondering if he should have taken Xander to the hospital on foot, but knowing right away that if he had done that there was no way he would survive.  
  
"It's the damn traffic jam, the pile up on the main road," Wesley spoke softly. "Are you sure you're fine?" Wesley referred to Angel's bleeding hands.   
  
"Just call them again," he hissed, eyes not leaving Xander's bloody chest.   
  
Wesley grabbed his cell phone and walked out of the room, dialing the phone.  
  
Angel's eyes didn't leave Xander's unconscious form. He could sense the movements of those around him without looking. Cordelia, who was sitting by Xander's side, was not letting go of Xander's hand. Gunn was circling the room and cursing in anger. Fred was quietly crying in a corner.   
  
Trying to focus all his energy on Xander didn't, however, block his sense of hearing. He heard the tiny feet make their way towards Xander, and his attention was instantly directed elsewhere.   
  
"William, come here," Angel called the boy, trying to interrupt his movement toward Xander's still form.  
  
"Angel," he heard Lorne say. "Let him."  
  
Angel glared at Lorne who was making his way down the stairs. "You were supposed to keep him in his room," Angel growled.   
  
Lorne didn't seem phased by Angel's hard look. He moved to stand next to him, his eyes on William. "Just look."  
  
Angel turned around. He saw William sitting awkwardly on top of Xander's chest, his hands suspended over Xander's wound.   
  
"What the…" Gunn's spoke up in unison with Fred's loud gasp.   
  
Cordelia seemed shocked as if she just noticed the boy jostling her hold on Xander's hand. Suddenly, before Angel had a chance to call out his name, a light appeared from William's small fingers and in fog like form hung in the air then slowly seeped into the rough red soaked bandages. Cordelia didn't hold back a scream when the limb in her hand tightened and Xander's eye popped open.   
  
Wesley rushed into the room. "What happened?" he asked loudly, looking from one shocked face to the other. His face finally settled into its own shocked expression.   
  
"Xander." No one knew who said the name first.   
  
Xander blinked, rubbing his head. "I did a Buffy, didn't I?"   
  
Angel snapped his head towards Lorne. "What just happened?"  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This fic is co-written with Lusciousspike.


End file.
